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              <text>Black Panther Founder Speaks at Parkside</text>
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              <text>&#13;
, SfM'tU&#13;
tJerry   Maguire   movie  review&#13;
See page  5&#13;
f&#13;
Black Panther&#13;
IFounder  Speaks&#13;
at&#13;
Parkside&#13;
surrounding    conditions    under   which&#13;
the&#13;
organization   sprouted&#13;
33&#13;
years  ago.&#13;
He  encourages   current   members   and&#13;
prospective  members  to, "continue&#13;
the&#13;
panther  legacy and to promote  the divi-&#13;
sion  of  what  Black  Panther  is  about."&#13;
The&#13;
intentions   of   the&#13;
party&#13;
Hilliard&#13;
indicated,   are to, "give  access  to histor-&#13;
ical&#13;
documents&#13;
and&#13;
to  counter   misin-&#13;
formation."&#13;
Programs&#13;
are    offered&#13;
through   the  university  that&#13;
do&#13;
this  for&#13;
people   interested.   Hilliard   credits  the&#13;
movement   as being,  "truly  a legitimate&#13;
party,"&#13;
with&#13;
reference&#13;
made   to&#13;
its&#13;
'ten-point   system:  The  purpose  of the&#13;
party  is&#13;
'10&#13;
serve the needs  of the&#13;
peo-&#13;
ple  and  to  deal  with  oppression   and&#13;
injustices   in our  society."&#13;
TIle&#13;
movement   started   in  October&#13;
1966   in   northern&#13;
California.&#13;
Huey&#13;
see Black Panther/page   2&#13;
QUE Suggestion  Box&#13;
Revitalized&#13;
EXPRESS&#13;
YOUR&#13;
IDEASl&#13;
sharing    our   Ideas   WIll  help   us  do&#13;
that.&#13;
Coming&#13;
soon&#13;
to   the    QUE&#13;
"Idea"   Box  near  you  are  the  new&#13;
fonns   we&#13;
will&#13;
be&#13;
using   to  help  you&#13;
express   your  ideas.   These   ideas  will&#13;
be   passed&#13;
on   to   the    appropriate&#13;
administrator&#13;
for    action.&#13;
If&#13;
you&#13;
desire   personal    response,    you   may&#13;
note  that  on  the  back  of  the  card.  If&#13;
you    have&#13;
any    questions,&#13;
please&#13;
direct&#13;
them&#13;
to&#13;
Gloria&#13;
Secor&#13;
in&#13;
Student   Affairs   at X2598.&#13;
t Lady  Rangers   sweep&#13;
Missouri-St.   Louis&#13;
See page  6&#13;
==&#13;
tParkside   senior   published&#13;
See page  5&#13;
;&#13;
7M&#13;
St«deHt~&#13;
06-&#13;
tk&#13;
06-7fJ~-'PaWide&#13;
~,-------------&#13;
r&#13;
VOLUME 25  -  ISSUE 20-   FEBRUARY27,  1997&#13;
ESTABLISHED1972&#13;
JASON   KLUZAK&#13;
NEWSINfERN&#13;
A  founding  member   of  the  Black&#13;
Panther organization   delivered   a  lec-&#13;
ture&#13;
last  Monday   sponsored    by   the&#13;
BlackStudent Union  (BSU).   The  lec-&#13;
ture&#13;
included   historical    background&#13;
and&#13;
events  in  America's    most   recent&#13;
history&#13;
that&#13;
led&#13;
to the establishment   of&#13;
the&#13;
Black   Panther   Movement.&#13;
This&#13;
portionof the lecture supported  the rea-&#13;
sons&#13;
for the  movement   and  helped   to&#13;
clarify&#13;
the&#13;
intentions  and  functions   of&#13;
the&#13;
Black Panther  organization.&#13;
The&#13;
speaker,   David   Hilliard,    the&#13;
chiefof staff of the Black  Panther&#13;
Party&#13;
and&#13;
one  of   the   founding   members,&#13;
delivered  a  detailed    chronology&#13;
of&#13;
events starting  from  1964. It  was&#13;
dur-&#13;
ing&#13;
this time that Hilliard&#13;
discussed&#13;
the&#13;
GLORIA    SECOR&#13;
SPECIAL  TO&#13;
THE&#13;
RANGER&#13;
As    we    approach&#13;
the&#13;
fourth&#13;
anniversary   of  the  QUE   suggestion&#13;
box we  are  "shifting&#13;
gears."   In  the&#13;
past, we  concentrated&#13;
on  empower-&#13;
ing people  to express   themselves&#13;
in&#13;
areas   of   concern&#13;
to   them.&#13;
now,&#13;
l&#13;
however,   we   are   asking&#13;
students,&#13;
faculty and  staff&#13;
to&#13;
share   their  ideas&#13;
t&#13;
,on  how  we  can  improve   things   here&#13;
at Uw-Parkstdc.&#13;
While  we are  all aware  of  the  fact&#13;
that we are dealing   with  budget   con-&#13;
straints,  I  think   we  can   agree   that&#13;
matntQining  high  quality   here  at our&#13;
institution  is a top  priority   for  all  of&#13;
Us. In  order  to  do  that,   we  all  must&#13;
Work together.   Communicating&#13;
and&#13;
Parkside   Student&#13;
Government&#13;
Elections&#13;
APRIL   SCHOENBERG&#13;
MANAGING   EDITOR&#13;
Parks  ide&#13;
Student&#13;
Government&#13;
Association   (pSGA)  elections  will&#13;
be&#13;
held   on   Wednesday,   March&#13;
5,&#13;
and&#13;
Thursday    March   6.   There   are  nine&#13;
senate    seats   available,    as   well   as&#13;
President&#13;
and   Vice-President.&#13;
All&#13;
candidates    must   meet  the  following&#13;
criteria    as   outlined    in   the   election&#13;
packet:&#13;
candidates   must&#13;
be&#13;
a cur-&#13;
rent   student    at  UW-Parkside,&#13;
have&#13;
and  maintain   a cumulative   GPA  of at&#13;
least  2.0,  have  and  maintain   at  least&#13;
six  credits,  and  candidates   cannot&#13;
be&#13;
on  academic   probation.&#13;
Students  can vote  on Marco   5 and&#13;
, 6  in  the   Molinaro   Concourse    from&#13;
9a.m.  to gp.m.  All students  must  pre-&#13;
sent  a photo  or srudent&#13;
l.D.&#13;
All  students  that  wish  to  ron  in the&#13;
election  can pick up an election  pack-&#13;
et  in  the  PSGA  office  or  in  Student&#13;
Life  (in Union  209).  Packets  must be&#13;
returned  by&#13;
4&#13;
p.m.&#13;
Friday,  February&#13;
27  to  either  the  PSGA   office  or  to&#13;
Student  Life.&#13;
All candidates  will participate  in an&#13;
open  forum  debate  which  will be held&#13;
in   the   Union   Square&#13;
at&#13;
noon   on&#13;
March   3  and&#13;
4.  The&#13;
debate   is  spon-&#13;
sored   by  the  Student   Organizations&#13;
Council  (S.O.C)    and  will  be moder-&#13;
ated&#13;
by&#13;
S.O.C.&#13;
President&#13;
Rich&#13;
Karwatka.&#13;
Results   of   the   election&#13;
will  be  posted   on  Friday   March   7,&#13;
and  new  candidates  will&#13;
be&#13;
sworn  in&#13;
at   the   PSGA    meeting&#13;
on   Friday&#13;
March   14. A biography   of  each  can-&#13;
didate  will&#13;
be&#13;
in next  week's   issue  of&#13;
the Ranger  News.&#13;
Student&#13;
Government&#13;
Open  House&#13;
a Success&#13;
APRIL   SCHOENBERG&#13;
MANAGING   EDITOR&#13;
Guests  enjoyed  food,&#13;
drink&#13;
and social-&#13;
izing&#13;
at&#13;
the&#13;
Parkside&#13;
Student&#13;
Government&#13;
Association's&#13;
(pSGA)&#13;
Open    House,    on   Feb.    17.&#13;
Teri&#13;
Jacobson,  PSGA  president,  coordinat-&#13;
ed   the   event;   which   oelebrated&#13;
the&#13;
grand&#13;
opening  of the&#13;
new&#13;
student gov-&#13;
ernment&#13;
offices,   "&#13;
felt  that  the  Open&#13;
House    was   a   nice   way   to&#13;
make&#13;
P.S.G.A  more&#13;
accessible&#13;
to&#13;
students.&#13;
faculty and staff:'  shared Jacobson.&#13;
Approximately   200  visitors&#13;
attend-&#13;
ed  the  reception,&#13;
which-&#13;
included&#13;
stu-&#13;
dents   faculty,&#13;
staff&#13;
and   local   politi-&#13;
cians.  Several  of  the  local  politicians&#13;
and    representatives&#13;
that    attended&#13;
included    Edna   Highland,&#13;
Kenosha&#13;
County  Clerk;  John  Collins,&#13;
Kenosha&#13;
County  Executive;  Representative  Jim&#13;
Kreuser  and State  Senator  Bob Wll'Ch&#13;
whn&#13;
are&#13;
both alumni  of Uw-Parkside.&#13;
Kreuser  was also a&#13;
past&#13;
PSGA    Frieda&#13;
Jacobson,  Kenosha  County  Treasurer,&#13;
and   Ten    Jacobson's&#13;
mother,    also&#13;
attended.&#13;
"It&#13;
was&#13;
a&#13;
nice&#13;
turnout&#13;
and&#13;
I&#13;
hope&#13;
it&#13;
will&#13;
make  it  easier  for these   various&#13;
groups  to&#13;
work'together&#13;
in the future:'&#13;
said Jacobson.&#13;
Construction  on  the offices  is com-&#13;
plete,  however  the  phnne  lines  for&#13;
the&#13;
offices   are   not   active&#13;
at&#13;
this   time.&#13;
Officers   can&#13;
be&#13;
reached&#13;
in&#13;
the&#13;
new&#13;
offioe during  the day  from&#13;
8&#13;
am.&#13;
to&#13;
5&#13;
p.m.&#13;
in Wyllie D-139A  near&#13;
the&#13;
book-&#13;
store.   Construction  continues  for the&#13;
new&#13;
Food&#13;
Court.   still  scheduled   for&#13;
completion  by fall of  1997.&#13;
PSGA   meetings    are   held   every&#13;
Friday   from   12  p.m.   to   I  p.m.  in&#13;
CART   129. Everyone   is welcome  to ..,&#13;
attend.&#13;
'1;··';),······'1,:'··&#13;
,.,.&#13;
.•",'.•",:,.,.",,',.,.',.,'&#13;
.••••   ,".&#13;
···,,·',,·I"·.·.&gt;···,'·'···,,·,·,·,',···,·,,·w&#13;
....&#13;
,..""",.,.",.,'.,',,'.,.,&#13;
••.'&#13;
K&#13;
.&#13;
.&#13;
..&lt;&#13;
t_"_;:',2;,_\:::  __&#13;
n~.::!j:~t__:-_-::::,&#13;
,_x:;2{_,_&#13;
Black Panther/from   page 1&#13;
Newton  was&#13;
the&#13;
founder  and  leader  of&#13;
members  of the Black  Panther associa-&#13;
it.&#13;
However&#13;
the&#13;
movement    actually&#13;
tion&#13;
and&#13;
the&#13;
black  society  at&#13;
the&#13;
time&#13;
happened   in  1964  under  constrnined&#13;
concluded  that these camps  were being&#13;
conditions.&#13;
It&#13;
was during  this year  that&#13;
made  ready  for them.   This  spurred  an&#13;
blacks&#13;
in   America&#13;
were    actually&#13;
educational&#13;
demonstration&#13;
in&#13;
beginning&#13;
to  experience   new  liberties&#13;
Sacramento,   California    the   exposed&#13;
and  similarities   to  the  more   affluent&#13;
why&#13;
they needed  to ann  themselves;  to&#13;
population.   This   involved   such  free-&#13;
protect   themselves   from   the  camps.&#13;
doms  as  enjoying   multi-racial   restau-&#13;
This theory of blacks carrying  guns did&#13;
rants, hotels,  restrooms,  public  access-&#13;
not&#13;
appeal&#13;
to&#13;
officers of law at that time&#13;
es and  social equalities.&#13;
despite  legislation  in&#13;
1966&#13;
that made it&#13;
In   1965,   under    the   civil   rights&#13;
legal  to catl}' guns.  Hilliard  remarked&#13;
movement,    blacks   were  just   begin-&#13;
that, 'The   truth  is always  withheld&#13;
by&#13;
ning  to  vote, although  it was&#13;
prirnari-&#13;
anned&#13;
police.&#13;
The&#13;
Black  Panthers  test-&#13;
Iy  those   that  lived  in  the  south.&#13;
In&#13;
ed   the  laws&#13;
and&#13;
the  constitution   to&#13;
1966,  with  the  scourge  of  Viet  Nam&#13;
show that laws on books  did not apply&#13;
upon   the  nation,   the  Black   Panther&#13;
to blacks  at that  time.  We made  them&#13;
movement&#13;
emerged.&#13;
With   all   the&#13;
pay&#13;
attention to the law. We want what&#13;
domestic   events  that  were  happening&#13;
everybody  else  has,  (education,  jobs,&#13;
in  Montgomery    and  Birmingham    at&#13;
health  issues,  housing   etc.)  We  want&#13;
this   time   along   with   the   excessive&#13;
to  determine  the  destiny   of  the  black&#13;
murder  and  brutality  that  existed,  the&#13;
community."   Hilliard   stipulated   that&#13;
Black  Panther  members  decided  to do&#13;
the  Black  Panther   member   were  not&#13;
something   about&#13;
it.&#13;
They   petitioned,&#13;
a  "racist   clan."   People   of  all  back-&#13;
demonstrated,&#13;
prayed   but   no   relief&#13;
grounds   were  integrated   and  includ-&#13;
was  gained,  only  more  oppression.&#13;
eel&#13;
in the  system.&#13;
This  resulted  in Huey&#13;
Newton's&#13;
call&#13;
In&#13;
1968, there  were  outbreaks.  The&#13;
to America  that we&#13;
be&#13;
reminded  of our&#13;
police   became   more   aggressive   and&#13;
basic  rights&#13;
and&#13;
that&#13;
we  should   ann&#13;
began   to   make   unannounced&#13;
raids,&#13;
ourselves  and promote  self-defense.  At&#13;
breaking  into homes  with  no probably&#13;
this  time,  the  Executive   Mandate   91&#13;
cause  and no warrants. A second  man-&#13;
was  circulated   and  dealt&#13;
with&#13;
the  reno-&#13;
date  was  written  that  implied&#13;
the&#13;
notion&#13;
vation   of   concentration    camps    that&#13;
of   defending   one's   life,   to&#13;
draw&#13;
a&#13;
were   used&#13;
during&#13;
Viet  Nam.   Those&#13;
threshold&#13;
and    to    protect    oneself.&#13;
Shortly  thereafter,  Martin  Luther  King&#13;
was  assassinated.&#13;
The  Black  Panthers  tried to end  the&#13;
spontaneous&#13;
rebellions    but&#13;
Hi&#13;
lliard&#13;
. pointed  out that the Panthers,  "believed&#13;
in trying to defend  their own and would&#13;
make  no apology  for doing  that."&#13;
Hilliard   went   on   to  say   that   the&#13;
Black Panthers  initiated funding to pro-&#13;
mote  child  and  health  services,  aid  for&#13;
the  senior  citizens   in  tile  community.&#13;
Research   into   the   racially   exclusive&#13;
disease,  sickle-cell  anemia&#13;
was&#13;
initial-&#13;
ed,&#13;
free&#13;
clinics   were  designated   and&#13;
"hot-breakfast'&#13;
programs&#13;
were  devel-&#13;
oped  for younger  school  children   that&#13;
left home  on empty  stomachs.  Hilliard&#13;
suggested   that&#13;
the&#13;
difference  between&#13;
the  Black   Panther  movement&#13;
and&#13;
other&#13;
organizations  is such&#13;
that,"&#13;
the panthers&#13;
combined&#13;
theory&#13;
with&#13;
practice."&#13;
As&#13;
it&#13;
appears    today,   changes    in&#13;
legislation&#13;
that   affect    welfare    and&#13;
food-stamp&#13;
recipients&#13;
along    with&#13;
healthcare&#13;
and&#13;
educational&#13;
pro-&#13;
grams,&#13;
will&#13;
seem   to&#13;
yield&#13;
less  than&#13;
desirable    results   for  those   currently&#13;
dependent   on  such  programs   and  the&#13;
Black   Panther   Organization&#13;
sees  its&#13;
opportunity&#13;
to  address   these   issues.&#13;
Hilliard    stated    that   the   movement&#13;
"survived&#13;
by   doing    something&#13;
to&#13;
generate    interest   and  to  capture   the&#13;
imaginations    of  the  people."&#13;
Editor-in-Chief&#13;
Amanda&#13;
BUlgrin&#13;
Managing&#13;
Editor&#13;
April  Schoenberg&#13;
Business Manager&#13;
Troy  Getter&#13;
Campus&#13;
Features&#13;
Editor&#13;
Kendra   Macey&#13;
Community&#13;
Features&#13;
Editor&#13;
Jennifer&#13;
Puccini&#13;
Entertainment&#13;
Editor&#13;
Coleen   Tartaglia&#13;
Sports&#13;
Editor&#13;
AI Heppner&#13;
Copy   Editor&#13;
Genevieve    Guran&#13;
Copy   Editor&#13;
Jim   Hendrickson&#13;
News   Intern&#13;
Jason&#13;
Kluzak&#13;
Photo&#13;
Editor&#13;
John    Nunn&#13;
Office&#13;
Asststanr   '&#13;
Aaron   Rich&#13;
Ranger&#13;
Reporter&#13;
Kristine    Hansen&#13;
~lt.t!Bl&#13;
Volunteer of the&#13;
week&#13;
I&#13;
I&#13;
)&#13;
Students are selected&#13;
as&#13;
"Volunteer of the&#13;
Week" by their altruistic attitudes, the amount&#13;
of time shared within the community and the&#13;
impact their service has made in the lives of&#13;
others. This week's volunteer&#13;
is&#13;
DAR/SHAWN&#13;
HODGES.&#13;
Darishawn&#13;
Hodges   joined   the  Parkside&#13;
Volunteer   Program    last  fall  when   she  helped&#13;
out  every   week  at  the  Humble    Park&#13;
Community&#13;
center   in  Racine.&#13;
She  encouraged&#13;
D&#13;
. h&#13;
H&#13;
children   to  leam   while   tutoring   and  was  there&#13;
ans   awn&#13;
odges&#13;
to hear  their  stories.    As  a  freslunan    at  UW-Parkside,&#13;
Darishawn    has&#13;
a&#13;
career   goal  of  being   an  elementary&#13;
school   teacher.&#13;
Ray  Hammerman,&#13;
Director    of  Humble    Park  Community&#13;
Center,  said,&#13;
"It&#13;
was  a joy  to  have  Darishawn&#13;
with  us  at  Humble    Park."    She  received&#13;
high  scores   on  an  evaluation    concerning&#13;
positive   attitudes,    willingness  to&#13;
participate,    dependable,&#13;
follows&#13;
directions    and  dresses   appropriately.&#13;
Last  December    Darishawn&#13;
took  on  a  very  important    role  of  "big  sister"&#13;
for  Sherica,   age   12, thuough   Big  BrotherslBig&#13;
Sisters   or  Greater   Racine.&#13;
She  sees  Sherica   every   Wednesday&#13;
evening   for  ice  skating,   roller  skating,&#13;
movie   watching,    visits  to  the  library,   bowling,   playing   cards,   etc.&#13;
Darishawn&#13;
reponed,&#13;
"I&#13;
enjoy   being   with   Sherica   and  hearing   her  stories&#13;
about   school.&#13;
I&#13;
have  fun  being   with   her.&#13;
I&#13;
guess   it  sorta  brings  out the&#13;
kid  in  me  too."&#13;
I&#13;
VOLUNTEER&#13;
OPPORTUNITIES&#13;
RESEARCH&#13;
AIDE.&#13;
For   Siena    Hospital-North,&#13;
Kenosha.&#13;
Communicate&#13;
with   doctors.&#13;
Find   reference&#13;
materials,&#13;
copy   and&#13;
file.    Volunteer&#13;
four   hours   a  week.&#13;
More&#13;
information&#13;
in  the&#13;
Volunteer&#13;
Office.&#13;
PATIENT&#13;
AMBASSADOR,&#13;
For   Siena   Hospital-South,&#13;
Kenosha.'&#13;
Students&#13;
with   pleasant,&#13;
outgoing&#13;
personalities&#13;
are   needed    for  four-&#13;
hour   shifts   weekly    from&#13;
8&#13;
a.m.   to   12  p.m.   or   12  p.m.   to  4  p.m.&#13;
Ambassador&#13;
will&#13;
greet   patients&#13;
and   visitors&#13;
as  they   enter   hospital.&#13;
and   offer   guidance&#13;
and   direction.&#13;
May   be  asked    to  push   wheel&#13;
chairs.&#13;
One   semester&#13;
commitment.&#13;
See   Carol    in  the  Volunteer&#13;
Office.&#13;
HOMEWORK&#13;
HELPER/COMPUTER&#13;
AIDE.&#13;
At  Dr.  Martin&#13;
Luther&#13;
King   Jr.  Community&#13;
Center&#13;
in  Racine.&#13;
Volunteer&#13;
one  to&#13;
two   hours   weekly&#13;
for  this   after-school&#13;
service.&#13;
Make   a  difference&#13;
in  the   lives   of  young    people.&#13;
Say  YES   and   sign   up  with   Carol   in&#13;
the  Career&#13;
Cen&#13;
ter.&#13;
HELP&#13;
OLDER,&#13;
DISABLED&#13;
AI)ULTS.&#13;
Through&#13;
the  CAMP&#13;
Program.&#13;
"Supervise&#13;
recreational&#13;
activities&#13;
and   lunches&#13;
on&#13;
Wednesdays&#13;
or  Thursdays&#13;
between&#13;
I 0:00a.m.&#13;
and   12:45p.m.&#13;
Only&#13;
five  minutes&#13;
from   campus.&#13;
Learn    some   skills   and   feel   great   at  the&#13;
same   time.&#13;
More   information&#13;
in  the  Volunteer&#13;
Office.&#13;
Special&#13;
Event:&#13;
Help   with   the   Pancake&#13;
Breakfast&#13;
on  Sundays&#13;
in&#13;
March&#13;
from   830    a.m.&#13;
to&#13;
iO:30   a.m.   or   10:00   a.m.   to  noon   at  The&#13;
River   Bend   Nature&#13;
Center&#13;
in  Racine.&#13;
See  Tagreed&#13;
Khalaf    on&#13;
M/W/F&#13;
between&#13;
II  :OOa.m.   and   2:00p.m.&#13;
in  the  Volunteer&#13;
Office.&#13;
Ranger  News&#13;
University    of  Wisconsin-Parkside&#13;
900  Wood   Rd&#13;
Kenosha,    WI  53141-2000&#13;
(414)   595-2287&#13;
Opinion&#13;
Shopping&#13;
He Said...&#13;
SCOTT MALIK&#13;
I&#13;
shop. By thai,&#13;
I&#13;
mean&#13;
I&#13;
go&#13;
directly&#13;
10&#13;
the store I need and&#13;
I&#13;
parkmy car as quickly as possi-&#13;
ble.&#13;
I&#13;
do not&#13;
fight&#13;
or wait for&#13;
somespot to open up next to the&#13;
handicapspots 'cause it takes just&#13;
as&#13;
long to do&#13;
that&#13;
as&#13;
it&#13;
does tojust&#13;
parkand walk 3 exira feet. I&#13;
makemy way&#13;
10&#13;
the door going&#13;
overexactly&#13;
what&#13;
I need and etch&#13;
thepath out in my head. I envi-&#13;
sion&#13;
the&#13;
aisle where the knick-&#13;
knackI am yearning for is&#13;
sitting&#13;
there. "Scott. .. buy me. Please."&#13;
Mypalms&#13;
sweat&#13;
with excitement.&#13;
Assoon as&#13;
I&#13;
gel near,&#13;
others&#13;
notice&#13;
my&#13;
excitement&#13;
and slowly&#13;
moveaway. A few lewd com-&#13;
mentsabout my sanity escape&#13;
theirchapped lips.&#13;
Crowds bother me. No, let me&#13;
rephrasethat. Stupid people&#13;
both-&#13;
er me.&#13;
It&#13;
seems that common&#13;
Senseis flushed right along with&#13;
patience and respect as soon as&#13;
oneopens&#13;
the&#13;
door to Regency&#13;
Mall. Even&#13;
I,&#13;
in my shopping&#13;
glory,  can&#13;
be&#13;
seen  wandering&#13;
aim-&#13;
lessly sometimes, like a senile dog&#13;
who doesn't know where he is.&#13;
Usually my girlfriend is looking&#13;
at girlie things at this point.&#13;
I&#13;
congregate, with the other&#13;
manly men who would rather&#13;
look lost that tell his woman that&#13;
the bra she is choosing is&#13;
remarkable well made. "But&#13;
will it hold? We don't want a&#13;
spillage now, do we?"&#13;
So in all fairness, yes,&#13;
I&#13;
shop.&#13;
I get what&#13;
I&#13;
need and I get the&#13;
hell out. I don't want to&#13;
"browse". That is nothing more&#13;
than a&#13;
fancy&#13;
term for&#13;
reminding&#13;
myself how poor college makes&#13;
me.&#13;
I&#13;
don't want to parade&#13;
either, in hopes of being noticed&#13;
by some&#13;
chicky-poo&#13;
working "in&#13;
that place." One:&#13;
I&#13;
am taken and&#13;
very happy with her. Two: I&#13;
don't shop in her store. Three:&#13;
I&#13;
gena hurry and get horne 'cause&#13;
The Simpsons are on in five!&#13;
It's nice to not&#13;
try&#13;
on every&#13;
piece of clothing that was ever&#13;
made before we find 'just the&#13;
right&#13;
one."&#13;
I&#13;
am a man.&#13;
I&#13;
shop.&#13;
She Said ...&#13;
AMANDA&#13;
BULGRIN&#13;
There is nothing more wonder-&#13;
fulthanscooping up a heck of a&#13;
dealat the GAP The thrill of a&#13;
great&#13;
bargain sends my emotions&#13;
soaring;it makes my heart skip a&#13;
beat. In all honesty, I love to pur-&#13;
chase,but I hate shopping.&#13;
The worst thought in the world&#13;
to me is being crammed into a&#13;
mallcrowded with screaming kids,&#13;
money  hungry   consumers,    and  that&#13;
mallsecurity guy skulking around&#13;
withhis walkie talkie.&#13;
There are two types of shoppers,&#13;
theones who fly through the place&#13;
likea bat outta hell, knocking peo-&#13;
pleover as they cruise back to their&#13;
car. They are in, out&#13;
and&#13;
back&#13;
home in four seconds. I can't deal&#13;
withthis, these people give all&#13;
shoppersa bad narne.&#13;
Worse than that are the&#13;
browsers. They mill around, slow-&#13;
lyambling from one store to the&#13;
nextwith no idea of what they&#13;
Wantor need to purchase. They&#13;
try&#13;
onthe same pair ofjeans sixteen&#13;
timesbefore they decide to "wait&#13;
untilnext time, it isjust too&#13;
diffi-&#13;
cult of a decision to make." In my&#13;
mind, these people should be shot.&#13;
I am&#13;
the&#13;
middle of the road&#13;
shopper. I take my time and make&#13;
sure that I get a deal, but the is no&#13;
nonsense about my trip to&#13;
the&#13;
mall.&#13;
I make sure to park strategically.&#13;
That is the key to a successful&#13;
shopping excursion. I personally&#13;
park as close to the GAP as possi-&#13;
ble. I make sure that I am not by a&#13;
food court or some other high traf-&#13;
fic areas. This makes for a quick&#13;
get away if shopping isgetting me&#13;
down.&#13;
Another key to proper, middle of&#13;
the road shopping is planning.&#13;
Now, I am not saying that I make&#13;
a&#13;
list of all of the items that I intend&#13;
to purchase, no, that would be anal.&#13;
Ijust&#13;
try&#13;
to organize a bit to save a&#13;
little time.&#13;
The last, and most peculiar is&#13;
that I always shop alone. See, this&#13;
is the deal. I get so annoyed by&#13;
other shoppers that I can not enjoy&#13;
the shopping experience with a&#13;
miller or a flier. No one shops at&#13;
the same speed so I opt to go&#13;
alone. Sure, I may look like a&#13;
dark. but I am one happy clam.&#13;
Idiots beware&#13;
COMPILED BY&#13;
KENDRA MACEY&#13;
New students, allow me to set&#13;
the scene: You've recently taken&#13;
your first test of the semester.&#13;
When grades come back, instead&#13;
of the A you were expecting! hop-&#13;
109&#13;
to&#13;
get!&#13;
on your (now scabby)&#13;
knees praying for, you're holding&#13;
back the tears to keep that vision&#13;
of a big, fat D from blurring.&#13;
Feeling like an idiot already? If&#13;
your response was yes, maybe or&#13;
"Huh?", then apparently you can&#13;
relate. So, whatever can you do&#13;
now to bring your deflated ego&#13;
back up to full-pressure? Here's&#13;
an incredibly-wise suggestion:&#13;
read about people even stupider&#13;
than...yourselves; you're bound to&#13;
feel instantly better' And so I&#13;
have provided here, for your read-&#13;
ing pleasure, a few primo exam-&#13;
ples of sheer stupidity taken&#13;
directly from Ross&#13;
&amp;&#13;
Kathryn&#13;
Petras' (these are the authors, peo-&#13;
ple) outstanding production, The&#13;
176&#13;
Stupidest Things Ever Done,&#13;
. kindly brought to you by those&#13;
simultaneously hip and intelligent&#13;
folks at Doubleday.&#13;
I&#13;
now present you with&#13;
5&#13;
of the&#13;
stupidest things ever done. Why&#13;
five, you ask? Because it's a nice&#13;
odd number; man, you really are&#13;
stupid! Anyway, without any fur-&#13;
ther adieu, here they are....and&#13;
ENJOY' (Morons.)&#13;
On Burglary Methods,&#13;
Indiscreet:&#13;
The key to burglary is to pick&#13;
your target well. This is where a&#13;
burglar in Longmont, Colorado&#13;
went wrong.&#13;
All was going well at the store&#13;
he was attempting to rob. He was&#13;
busy prying open the front door&#13;
In the upcoming student gov-&#13;
ernment elections, Uw-Parksidc&#13;
students have the opportunity to&#13;
continue support for the nation's&#13;
oldest and most effective state&#13;
student association. The United'&#13;
Council of UW Students, found-&#13;
ed in 1960, is Wisconsin's only&#13;
statewide student advocacy and&#13;
research organization. United&#13;
Council is funded by a state ref-&#13;
erendum with a mandatory&#13;
refundable fee of 95 cents per&#13;
student per semester.&#13;
So, what does your 95 cents&#13;
actually get you? United&#13;
Council employees eight staff&#13;
members who advocate for stu-&#13;
dents at the UW System, state&#13;
and federal level, and it links&#13;
students statewide by offering&#13;
information, guidance, research&#13;
and service on student issues.&#13;
All United Council policy is&#13;
with a crowbar. Then he stopped.&#13;
Something seemed a little&#13;
wrong....&#13;
He looked up. A number of&#13;
people were inside the store. And&#13;
they were staring at him. At this&#13;
moment, the master burglar real-&#13;
ized that the store was&#13;
still&#13;
open.&#13;
On Cleaning Elevators, Up and&#13;
Downs In:&#13;
Ajanitor at the Marriott Hotel&#13;
in Bristol, England, was asked to&#13;
clean an elevator. Thejob took&#13;
him four full days.&#13;
His confused supervisor asked&#13;
him why it had taken so long.&#13;
Replied the janitor, "Well, there&#13;
are twelve of them, one on each&#13;
floor, and sometimes some of&#13;
them aren't there."&#13;
Apparently&#13;
the&#13;
man had&#13;
thought that each floor had a dif-&#13;
ferent elevator-  so he went to&#13;
each floor and cleaned the same&#13;
elevator twelve separate times.&#13;
On Criminals, GuUible:&#13;
Police needed a confession&#13;
from a not-too-bright criminal in&#13;
Radnor, Pennsylvania.&#13;
Unfortunately, the station didn't&#13;
have a lie detector, so the police&#13;
decided&#13;
to&#13;
improvise.&#13;
They put the criminal's head in&#13;
a metal colander and attached&#13;
wires from the colander to a copi-&#13;
er machine. Meanwhile, they put&#13;
a piece of paper in the copier that&#13;
said: HE'S LYING. Every time&#13;
the criminal denied his role in the&#13;
crime, the cops pressed the COPY&#13;
button and the message HE'S&#13;
LYING came out of the machine.&#13;
Seeing this high-tech example&#13;
of a modem police force working&#13;
so inexorably well, the criminal&#13;
confessed.&#13;
On Explanations, Too Precise:&#13;
There's a time to&#13;
be&#13;
specific&#13;
determined by delegates from&#13;
member campuses who meet&#13;
regularly to take positions on&#13;
issues and direct the work of the&#13;
staff.&#13;
United Council is a national&#13;
leader for its work on federal&#13;
financial aid and voter registra-&#13;
tion. Working with students&#13;
government associations from •&#13;
across Wisconsin and the nation,&#13;
United Council used grassroots&#13;
support from students and par-&#13;
ents-in addition to direct lobby-&#13;
ing- to help restore $4.9 billion&#13;
in financial aid awards last year.&#13;
United Council has worked to&#13;
maintain and strengthen student&#13;
fee autonomy, and has been a&#13;
clearinghouse of information&#13;
and research on student safety&#13;
issues, including e-mail privacy&#13;
and the use of social security&#13;
numbers as student ID numbers.&#13;
and a time to keep your mouth&#13;
shut. Barty Shoemaker of&#13;
Harlingen, Texas, learned it the&#13;
hard way. He wound up being&#13;
arrested because he was painstak-&#13;
ingly specific.&#13;
To&#13;
be&#13;
more precise:&#13;
Shoemaker was at a meeting of&#13;
the Harlingen city commission,&#13;
watching the proceedings and&#13;
enjoying a smoke. The city man-&#13;
ager noticed him in the audience&#13;
and explained that no cigarette&#13;
smoking was allowed. Would he&#13;
please put it out?&#13;
Shoemaker got technical. "It's&#13;
not a cigarette," he explained.&#13;
"It's ajoint."&#13;
On Insecticide, Swallowing:&#13;
A Turkish farmer was taken to&#13;
the hospital with severe stomach&#13;
pains. After examining him, the&#13;
doctor was very confused.&#13;
Apparently, the farmer was suffer-&#13;
ing because he had swallowed&#13;
insecticide. But there was only a&#13;
very small amount in his system,&#13;
which ruled out a suicide attempt.&#13;
So how- or why- had the man&#13;
ingested insecticide?&#13;
The farmer explained that&#13;
it&#13;
had&#13;
been no accident. He had deliber-&#13;
ately taken insecticide. And for&#13;
good reason.'&#13;
He had accidentally swallowed&#13;
a fly. "I wanted to kill it before it&#13;
reproduced inside of me," he&#13;
said...&#13;
So you see, there are people&#13;
walking the planet (no doubt, with&#13;
their knuckles dragging behind&#13;
them) that are far more mindless&#13;
than the average Parkside student,&#13;
so take heart. And while you're at&#13;
it, take some vitamins-  you want&#13;
to&#13;
preserve those remaining, brain&#13;
cells. Peace out.&#13;
Credit transfers, a recurring&#13;
headache for many students in&#13;
Wisconsin, have been made easi-&#13;
er through United Council's&#13;
work with UW System and the&#13;
state legislature. And UW&#13;
System's Design for Diversity&#13;
plan to increase representation&#13;
of traditionally underrepresented&#13;
students and faculty.&#13;
As the leader of a statewide&#13;
coalition, United Council suc-&#13;
cessfully opposed an assembly&#13;
bill which would have legalized&#13;
discrimination against many stu-&#13;
dent renters. Additionally,&#13;
United Council played an instru-&#13;
mental role in defeating the&#13;
Extra Credit Tax, which would&#13;
have increased tuition for many&#13;
students at UW-Parkside and&#13;
across the UW System.&#13;
_Timothy&#13;
L.&#13;
Casper&#13;
President, United Council&#13;
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