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              <text>We &#13;
bet &#13;
you &#13;
thought &#13;
April &#13;
Fools &#13;
was &#13;
last &#13;
week. &#13;
The &#13;
Universality &#13;
of &#13;
Wishing-Parkside &#13;
Wednesday, &#13;
April &#13;
1, &#13;
1979 &#13;
Vol. &#13;
005, &#13;
No. &#13;
1 &#13;
I/ I/ &#13;
Everyone knows this is No Where l/ l/ -NellYoung &#13;
Skruiene &#13;
talks &#13;
••. &#13;
Artist in-Residence tells how he does it &#13;
Skrujene Stupor Parkside's artist in residual accepted Ranger &#13;
reporter Johnny Chocolates into his exclusive confidence &#13;
last week for an interview t Stupor's penthouse provided by &#13;
the university&#13;
. &#13;
Chocolates&#13;
: &#13;
Well &#13;
Skru, &#13;
what &#13;
do &#13;
you &#13;
think &#13;
of &#13;
Parkside? &#13;
Skru&#13;
: &#13;
Anybody &#13;
who &#13;
gives &#13;
me &#13;
these &#13;
nice &#13;
surroundings &#13;
and &#13;
over &#13;
$25,000&#13;
.&#13;
00 &#13;
in &#13;
responsibility-free &#13;
cash &#13;
is &#13;
alright &#13;
in &#13;
my &#13;
book. &#13;
Chocolates: &#13;
What's &#13;
it &#13;
like &#13;
on &#13;
the &#13;
Johnny &#13;
Caisson &#13;
Show? &#13;
Skru: &#13;
Oh, &#13;
its &#13;
alright, &#13;
Its &#13;
neat &#13;
to &#13;
have &#13;
a slave &#13;
I  can &#13;
give &#13;
my &#13;
axe &#13;
to &#13;
and &#13;
send &#13;
away&#13;
. The &#13;
people &#13;
are &#13;
so &#13;
nifty &#13;
and &#13;
the &#13;
conversation &#13;
so &#13;
straight &#13;
It's &#13;
very &#13;
easy &#13;
to &#13;
sound &#13;
stupid &#13;
and &#13;
I &#13;
like &#13;
to &#13;
do &#13;
that. &#13;
Chocolates: &#13;
What &#13;
do &#13;
you &#13;
feel &#13;
about &#13;
master &#13;
classes? &#13;
Skru: &#13;
I &#13;
think &#13;
they &#13;
are &#13;
a  waste &#13;
of &#13;
my &#13;
time&#13;
. &#13;
Chocolates&#13;
: &#13;
How &#13;
do &#13;
you &#13;
feel &#13;
about &#13;
the &#13;
crit1cI &#13;
m &#13;
that &#13;
you &#13;
hav &#13;
don &#13;
absolute! &#13;
nothing &#13;
for &#13;
this &#13;
1nst1tut1on &#13;
during &#13;
your &#13;
ta &#13;
h  r &#13;
1 &#13;
Skru&#13;
: &#13;
Screw em&#13;
. This &#13;
Is &#13;
so &#13;
boring, &#13;
what &#13;
don &#13;
t &#13;
ou &#13;
a &#13;
km &#13;
at &#13;
questions &#13;
about &#13;
the &#13;
young &#13;
girls &#13;
I &#13;
met &#13;
in &#13;
the &#13;
far &#13;
ea &#13;
t7 &#13;
Chocolates: &#13;
hat &#13;
do &#13;
ou &#13;
think &#13;
about &#13;
the &#13;
music &#13;
facult &#13;
h &#13;
rel &#13;
Skru: &#13;
hat &#13;
a &#13;
bunch &#13;
of &#13;
twits! &#13;
one &#13;
of &#13;
them &#13;
pla &#13;
polo &#13;
anywa &#13;
Chocolates: &#13;
ho &#13;
do &#13;
ou &#13;
think &#13;
would &#13;
make &#13;
a &#13;
good &#13;
r &#13;
plac &#13;
m &#13;
nt &#13;
for &#13;
youl &#13;
Skru&#13;
: &#13;
And &#13;
arholl &#13;
Chocolates&#13;
: &#13;
here &#13;
did &#13;
ou &#13;
get &#13;
our &#13;
style &#13;
and &#13;
tech1quel &#13;
Skru&#13;
: &#13;
I &#13;
don&#13;
't &#13;
know &#13;
I'm &#13;
onl &#13;
seventeen &#13;
Chocolates: &#13;
To &#13;
whom &#13;
do &#13;
ou &#13;
attribute &#13;
·&#13;
our &#13;
fame &#13;
and &#13;
succe &#13;
1 &#13;
Skru&#13;
: &#13;
See &#13;
you &#13;
later &#13;
Chocolates &#13;
-"J&#13;
Gas.can&#13;
if ..&#13;
Resigns&#13;
'almost&#13;
non-existent,&#13;
but    you&#13;
can't-   beat    the    people&#13;
I'll   be&#13;
working  with."&#13;
Gascan's&#13;
successor&#13;
at   PUke-&#13;
side  will  be  Alfred   E.  Newman,&#13;
Chancellor   at  MAD City  College.&#13;
Newman,&#13;
a&#13;
graduate&#13;
of&#13;
PUkeside,&#13;
is   already&#13;
planning&#13;
major  changes  for  the  university.&#13;
Some  of  the  changes  include:&#13;
new&#13;
majors&#13;
in&#13;
Insanity,&#13;
MADness,  and   Toothy   Grins;&#13;
new  intramural   sports,  such  as&#13;
beanball;&#13;
and&#13;
a&#13;
complete&#13;
change   in  the  faculty.&#13;
"&#13;
:-.&#13;
rJ'&#13;
Who's who?&#13;
by John  A. Gabriel&#13;
Last   week'   I   had    the    very&#13;
fortunate   chance   to  meet  a great&#13;
celebrity,  who  was visiting  our&#13;
area. That  great  person  was none&#13;
other  than  the  great  Chengis&#13;
Khan.  Despite  popular   belief,  he&#13;
really  is a total  monster.  Not  only&#13;
did   he   show   me  'some   of   his&#13;
greatest&#13;
tortures,&#13;
he&#13;
let&#13;
me&#13;
participate  in a few of them.&#13;
"I  really   don't   give  two   shits&#13;
about   how  people  feel,"  he  said&#13;
"but&#13;
it&#13;
gives  me great  pleasure  to&#13;
see the&#13;
excrutiating  pain on their&#13;
faces.  I  love  to  see their  body&#13;
writhing  in the  unbearable  pain&#13;
that  these tortures  give  them "&#13;
He is a true  masochist from  the&#13;
word go.&#13;
One  of  the  most  interesting&#13;
devices of pain that he has is the&#13;
flogging    of   ostrich&#13;
feathers&#13;
coated with whipping  cream and&#13;
slightly  tainted   with  small   little&#13;
tiny   microscopic    brass&#13;
b-b's.&#13;
While  you  are  flogged,  (and  it is&#13;
quite  the&#13;
excrutiating&#13;
feeling),&#13;
you  are tied  down  with  velvet&#13;
rope which  has little  steel barbs&#13;
sticking  out.  This  rope  is  tied&#13;
around  your  wrists  and  ankles&#13;
and also around your waist. This&#13;
torture brings such a pleasure of&#13;
pain that you can not help but to&#13;
scream out  in sheer hysteria.&#13;
When asked how many people&#13;
to   date   he   has  tortured,    he&#13;
replied,"   Oh,  hell,  it  must  be  at&#13;
least two,  mayby three hundred&#13;
thousand of the  little  slimy  tow-&#13;
....&#13;
MI,CASA&#13;
"HAPPY   HOUR  COCKTAILS"  TUES.  -  FR!. 4  P.M.  --6   P.M.&#13;
RESTAURANT -COCKTAILS_&#13;
MEXICAN&#13;
&amp;&#13;
AMERICAN CUISINE&#13;
EXPANDED  AMERICAN  MENU&#13;
STEAKS  -  CHOPS  ,'SEAFooD&#13;
LUNCHEONS&#13;
TUES.  THRU  FR!.  11:30   A.M.   -  2  P.M.&#13;
DINNERS&#13;
TUE.  THRU  THURS.  5&#13;
10  P.M.&#13;
FRI  s   SAT.  5  -  11:30   P.M.&#13;
SUN.  5  -  10  P.M.&#13;
"CLOSED  ON  MONDAYS"&#13;
PRIVATE  PARTY  FACILITIES&#13;
639·8084&#13;
3932&#13;
DOUGLAS&#13;
AVE.,&#13;
RACINE&#13;
(DOUGLAS&#13;
AVE.    &amp;    3'   MILE    RD.    HWY.&#13;
32    SOUTH)&#13;
, headed gleets.&#13;
I&#13;
really don't  give&#13;
a damn how many there are, just&#13;
as  long  as  the  little   glutinous&#13;
perverted snitches are around,&#13;
I&#13;
will  continue  to  give them  their&#13;
just   rewards   in   this   healthy&#13;
exercise.&#13;
I&#13;
really  love  it  when'&#13;
I&#13;
put   my   hands   around   their&#13;
throats   and  watch   their   faces&#13;
turn   pretty    shades   of    blue,&#13;
purple,   red-yellow   and   green.&#13;
But sometimes&#13;
I&#13;
feel  that  when&#13;
they  slump  to  the  ground,  we&#13;
have&#13;
a failure  to  communicate.&#13;
It  really  makes  me  feel  rather&#13;
upset and&#13;
I&#13;
have to  go out  and&#13;
find  someone else."&#13;
So,  if  you  should   ever  run&#13;
across   him    why    don't&#13;
you&#13;
volunteer  your  services to  him.&#13;
He will  give you  an  experience&#13;
you won't  soon forget.&#13;
by Anom  Telliam.&#13;
~&#13;
c&#13;
c&#13;
o&#13;
~&#13;
It  was announced  today  that&#13;
Alehn  "Ee!"  Gascan is resigning&#13;
his  position   as  Chancellor   of&#13;
UW-PUkeside in order to  accept&#13;
the  position   of  Custodian  and&#13;
Head Chaperone at&#13;
theLiz&#13;
Ray&#13;
Sexcretarial School. When  asked&#13;
about  his  new  position  Gascan&#13;
said, "The pay is lousy, the hours&#13;
suck, a three year old  could  do&#13;
the&#13;
work ,&#13;
and  the  chances  for&#13;
advancement    and   raises   are&#13;
MaCdonald's grease chain&#13;
buys Parkside Villiage&#13;
P.P.Rich of New York announced  last week that    sources most residents have been requested to stay&#13;
Parkside   Villiage   ha;   been   sold   to   MaCdonalds&#13;
on.&#13;
Grease Chain  to  be  converted   into   a  primate&#13;
"We  are trying  to  keep them  on,  the  manager&#13;
research  laboratory.   The  Villiage   was  sold  for&#13;
too!"  said Smith.&#13;
'Kuyper fo W&#13;
d  d?&#13;
twelve  hundred   dollars.&#13;
Rents  will  be   raised   and   services   cut   in  order.&#13;
.&#13;
.&#13;
r&#13;
00&#13;
wa r&#13;
MaCdonalds   executive   John   Smith  told   Ranger&#13;
to  make  moneY._f_o_r_t_he_g_re_a_se_c_ha_i_n_.&#13;
y_o_u~'_v--.:e~~g~ot&#13;
to be kfdding'&#13;
ZE MASTERS&#13;
Washington&#13;
Post&#13;
Editor,&#13;
Ben   Brodlee,&#13;
struck&#13;
a   tough&#13;
bargain&#13;
with&#13;
Kenosha   News  Publisher,   Howard   Brown.&#13;
According   to   informed   sources,&#13;
Brown   was&#13;
overheardto  say...&#13;
OUR  WRITERS&#13;
,&#13;
Claude  BoHman,  Chrissy  Claus,   Karrem  Putt-&#13;
Putt,   Tinda   Lasso,   Dragular   Beddenhauser,&#13;
Flickshooter   Dilling  Ann.&#13;
Editor:&#13;
Chubby&#13;
L&#13;
Rockstonington&#13;
General Manager:&#13;
Blabbermouth Chickencoop&#13;
Copy Editor:&#13;
Ma Bell&#13;
News Editor:&#13;
Press Release McPolock&#13;
Feature Editor:&#13;
Hot Mama Mailbox&#13;
Circulation:&#13;
Papergirl Quarts&#13;
Advertising  Manager: Father John&#13;
FREE  DELIVERY&#13;
Member   Parks ide   200&#13;
National   Varsity  Club&#13;
f.~&#13;
4437   - .22nd  Avenue&#13;
Kenosha,&#13;
'"  •  /&#13;
Wisconsin&#13;
Phone   654-0774&#13;
·m&#13;
,&#13;
Mention   this   ad!&#13;
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            <name>Identifier</name>
            <description>An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context</description>
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                <text>UWPMC045_P_302</text>
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            <name>Title</name>
            <description>A name given to the resource</description>
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                <text>Daniel Klapproth poses for a photograph in sports clothing</text>
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            <description>An account of the resource</description>
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                <text>Daniel Klapproth poses for a photograph in sports clothing with trees and buildings behind him. </text>
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                <text>Black and white photograph </text>
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                <text> 4 x 6 in</text>
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                <text>Panama</text>
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                <text>Soldiers </text>
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                <text> Buildings </text>
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                <text>Daniel Klapproth</text>
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                <text>UW-Parkside</text>
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            <description>Information about rights held in and over the resource</description>
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                <text>The Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System</text>
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