391 10 4375 https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/2b4633c52b4c9067957d8291cbc955cb.jpg 17ff9844717be0a145fa6f430ddcc125 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Historic Images of Racine and Kenosha Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPMC024 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context UWPMC024_0071 Title A name given to the resource The ship Thistle Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Glass plate negatives Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1901 Subject The topic of the resource Seafarers Ships Type The nature or genre of the resource Still Image Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available UW-Parkside Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/3e0a3cdd956274e0bd88e6026d80263a.jpg 3d9e67b6f48047a5dc3580ef144f3fc5 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Historic Images of Racine and Kenosha Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPMC024 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context UWPMC024_0021 Title A name given to the resource The sloop Vencedor Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Glass plate negatives Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Kenosha, Wisconsin Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1901 Subject The topic of the resource Michigan, Lake Sloops Type The nature or genre of the resource Still Image Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available UW-Parkside Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/228727eeb43845363cb9d5dae183e196.jpg ab522f7faf847b39812fcc7888b60817 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Lillian Trager Collection Description An account of the resource This collection contains materials related to Doctor Lillian Trager, an anthropologist and professor at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, including field notes, photographs, videos, audiocassettes, and published material. Subject The topic of the resource Universities and Colleges, Market Towns, Economic, Anthropology, Research, Yoruba (African People) Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1956-2006 Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Nigeria Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Trager, Lillian Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived MC 040 Lillian Trager Collection Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Archives Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Ammann, Dick Access Rights Information about who can access the resource or an indication of its security status. Access Rights may include information regarding access or restrictions based on privacy, security, or other policies. The researcher assumes full responsibility for conforming to the laws of libel, privacy, and copyright which may be involved in the use of this collection (Wisconsin Statutes 19.21-19.39). Rights Holder A person or organization owning or managing rights over the resource. UW Parkside Archives and Area Research Center Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Stands at Iloko Day Description An account of the resource Iloko Day, the stands Subject The topic of the resource People, Chiefs, Communities-Iloko Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1993-05-23 Type The nature or genre of the resource Still Image Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Color Slide Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived MC 040 Lillian Trager Collection Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context UWPMC040_B11_F07_045 Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Iloko Osun, Nigeria Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System Creator An entity primarily responsible for making the resource Trager, Lillian Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Archives Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Ammann, Dick Access Rights Information about who can access the resource or an indication of its security status. Access Rights may include information regarding access or restrictions based on privacy, security, or other policies. The researcher assumes full responsibility for conforming to the laws of libel, privacy, and copyright which may be involved in the use of this collection (Wisconsin Statutes 19.21-19.39). Rights Holder A person or organization owning or managing rights over the resource. UW Parkside Archives and Area Research Center https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/bf9b24229038acca94c60a42b8cf8b9e.pdf 5730ace875fcb01debee3abf1db1e3f4 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Issue Volume 3, issue 3 Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. GOP Adopts New Logo- Hammer, Sickle Text Any textual data included in the document Written & Created by the Satirical GOP Adopts New Logo- Hammer, Sickle port vo UE O~ • The S a e Bashes ibera s, Too ~JngtllJt, lX- I'rl!~ido!nI Bllih tnlflm'iXoo his montlliy budSl!1 ~ 1_ "wlt..and roodc II$U1pI'i:ic annou~l1t that it ....as lime ror Ilis j:Ufl.y - tile ReilUllikllll Party - to cboo~ its image. Saying Ihal Republk-. (l"wy\\hcte wt:!f(j tired or ming a~%:lCiaied "",iln t1le ""llard14Wkill~ }"el unllctl.islllc COOl)'"'cl£pbUlll and that it was tinte to gt,1 II bl.1tl!l'im."SL 1haI1t"''Ul't.I£I)' repr($OOltlJ the perty' s ~tt.nlrllilllle!lt to the l!.H'ffij,<£~' .. President Bush then ~ his ~ch to unnil the new I«!pubtlQin flI«t), symbcll - a hamml!l' and .i"lde Mabloobact~unO. Bush ~d UlaI Inis new l»1Ilbcl1 will briog unity to the RL~ialO PlIny IiI;(, M\'er berM!. He l!J(pI'\!SSEd Itcjle l!tal the symbcll will be a mlly;n; point fOf' farmers filld wnrl..1!rs- ~ups thai tradiIiQfltilly~olt! ~iC30 • to unite to <:reate a IllIIWO or r:;ifllt$.md <!quality, In l'esplJo;;e to objccllolls Ihut IhC5iC symhob lOi:ght be 'lInliqlltllt."''', Bush ~ that they are "tried anO troo symbclls or wlllting flI!Ilple everywbew, 'I'VeoooolJfll,gC you to sWp minI! slu"csto,lthetl<. and to thlllWtlrr the shookli!. or the ul1tllSlcmploy'i1f .. Later in hi. budl:Ct .~ Bu'h w'C3loo hi ambilloo$~, t\1lich in 11U;,d: Tn, CUlli ror the commcn mao. mae welrare ror eH'f}onc, and bi.>plans Ie cootrol America's sltllloating i100llOm) by !lalti~ all inl'L1tion and ha\iOillhc " H:mlllellt ltlkinll OH::t lag<Jatd bllSin~s. ':lIN a lillie pusb. io bell' them alOll.g;thailiOft or thin;;." lit added. II worked ror the JlOSllll sl!f\i~ and U'"in '~slt.'lll" and \',111also work when :tppli cd to t'Ch'liI lotOl'eS. I'm JI111l>floping telh America' abw.od \\ If_ ;.,,,tem by handing 001 fl'!:l' Of sl>oe->iB';1ead or mooe}':" Ki!1l()s!ld, M -In 3pres; cOl1~ 1'C1ICt.MitT toda}. n·mb£r.> or The Stlte do! .ctcd llCClI>Jti UUt IhIly only ba>lI OfISt.'f\'lti"t;~~ Sit in the mticle adJ3~nt 10 tIu one, .lPn Slchl~ or The Stall! <Wd, ',\I doo't" t 10 gil'c IlK' imprcs>loo tlUl!"'\lc're biased, so _,btl\\ 3bout., b. \l,tmt's IlIedl!~ \lith tltal lihl!fal l'llIrixlse? I mean, the} un. do10\ L their trees ood 1llcirback}' . " Jon't the)''!'" the oollol'>3id m as~UC Hlice. ':\11\ ra utthew'ri,,'Nuploodfilf clIl,' but no oil iso't ~n~ 10make them 1lI1cllllllj' ter•.tm !right? Ilow W.IS tltatr' . Writer ",n J.lurpll). ,iltin~ to the ~.deol 'tdtlik, cblmcJ III "That ....a' JlI1!IlY ¥«d l:lId • rUTph)', "Btll don 'I (Ol'},,,t the} eal tdu anJ SO}, " . ..00 man, v.1I..!'- with pcoyWils? They 1l!\'I1I} !Ol'C thctr lic,d) and JlOll)tlIIls." . .. "fbat's ,eall~ Illl'rc a mwy thUll" inlt;'fl\lpk'd ,lehlik. "But mosl libarols llN,~II} Iupp..::"WI}\\"), 0 I I.'UCS>. 1'Cllh.thlil ....llIh ,of cah:' -.aid • lurpby. '1!ree 10le,h~l' 'b., tie-d}c. 11'. "II tlllt) Iupp.c Iillcral !1l"'lF \Ii 'Iwt'l '1kl(Jrt'· ",jwrrtllL\ (bTl •Iibt'fOt If/ (/ir/v libt'r'tll {)t·fJt·ily Lovable Scoundrel Escapes Publ ic Thrashing Constabulary Baffled K~~ka. Wl-Mum qhti~ti~>li tla, OOCUlTed $: ill ,,,swt (If t~ll f:\el1t$ ill I:l:l11dY$:lpSqll.1l\il,l!'Ie"ite ~lfa J1l(l!;tl!tlmcloo~ and \laltllSe~ ~. l(wubl.. SC(\llOO!clI:l:l,h M"Me¢l~ffUllllhc ~illllullll t:l( CtJIl<Ultlle TiUl!l'uipe. l"lili;ring method, slill IlnkllO\\ll 10 nuthoritjes.~ICI:\'cdYbrokefrt:crrombtsunprisonin~ fliUar;. d'mhll.:! a near·by \'Ine-<:c»C'roo 1 'I'. and 'll\1~ a tXlCk-wn- .w ~r c~laimeJ, 'Tt ~I'o )00 rc a hllC!.:ktlcrry to m}, prcl1limmon.TatlClltipe! )'ou\ CJl> much coon~ of O~l1ll1g In<!" )OU ~ Calclltnz Itwem;d iWrop"'With til..!:, the <l.,ppcr La.! disapjlellWd into the mi IinS -.n'<>l& 0( !he rooflOj'l> COIl'h'lllic Tatlel1Jiprc.mad $ 8, 1.:, b bare Jl(W!I~Lf:>.~Jis:plll)ro th~ utnlIlsl oouthfulnc • wi th Ili. Ihld.d~·.waxed Il'IOLlStadlc .md j;llll1ly 1xl\\lu cap~.~'P.'lcltI::ln,gcalaWMlplillu,l)' clll:\\_od up b) l\!cFrecly s yootllrul exploit>., the kind >i:rhad a mind In.HX1rCTRtefie.rcel)'durill¥ the incidt:nL '13y Clod' \\'oonds, McFrcel}, You \\.\11f\'C1)tlur comcupp ..moc' The State Feeling Obsequious Today Donald Duck Bannned """ From NFL, Absence Of Pants Cited Fox Copyrights Reality The State Searches For Meaning Of 'Obsequious' e:tu.!l .....~¢:ut_l,tt ~,~ OR h~ \will 10>'lilt.f~ ~...,. .....~"~-.r."''''1III '''''-''' ~<-~ )loot ~ _ 1Ilftltlllll'" "tMU*' tIi"fil"~'..,~ .._.<~ lW,*'''l!!!> lllii., ~Sl$~(( llI!ll!ld «'IISldtt - .>It. ~liail3 .. mal Whit<; "\'Ie ~l",~. g/1d ~1i,1ri« p1ll\1l) h&l€i 1'*'1 CORREerlONS I'" iutrr .. 1'11< ~ ",,_Inw mdMfIIJ~,' mr f<9#!d liJ.<i(f_l!!!>~ik.'1 N~ .. ~ fell \llll' lite \(>w. ~...c.\l"n ~"'l>1>j1 ",I the llI!ll l_ l<'llS U em» IIIfa.;". M ..". ~ 11) b<t ~ i,,~1} lOll .- l:<!eIlO\ltKn' "f "Mio.,,' III". fit O~~ A"'MlN"- ~ "h'll& ~ #1'iIl!~II"Ij)t'_"'~ President Bush's Feeding Tube Removed l\b:dltnglon, DC - Arter ween of _ nons~ polilimli~n~lIli!1js_~1tSfiMlIYlS.'itlld Ulis flEtSl. Friday. PrelidClm Busfl' 5 feeding Woo was mlasl l'll1l'lOVed. D!!mOCfl1lJl lIrged the OOlOOt'a! sa)i~ tltat if the j1(esiOOIlI u'llSO'1 going to _ any dt!t:lent I1l1i1iootilpolicy tltJIN, ldrllSdy lOOI1th. illlQ bis ~ U!ln1.lhm the clIMces _ lim dlat be ever tt'Oldd. REpubJiOlllls in IIli!1 MollS/! tmll $_ f<lUshl f{lf IllJllm Ii) Im1:p the Pmridenl' $ feedilt$ tube in. Senate MlijOOt)! L«'idef Bill Frist said, "Li&l£o.the President bas a Ill! of lime left. He tlOOld wme up witll SOOll1IlIinlj.., 0libt?- I:li.ml«:I1'ltS _ impled by IIli!1 ram vicli)ty. bul stnl«l dlat them WllS still a lot Ii) aeoomplisIL Tile Ile&t tlJin,g. lJley said in \I. pr;:lSS rolCll.&~ _ tn move pt1<St lilis isslIIlllnl! OOIlIinue wi lh<ltlleI: lllllllill11. f_L_E_TT_·. 'E_R_' T_·O_TH_' E_.. _ED_I_T_O_R_I 11Wcukl\1\ 11\'$$ OUltag«! wili~ f~ll$ the latest il>S~ Qnlle RMg<;c INl<1\, JU<11ll'1 fulisllCd skimmil18 (JVer Ole SjlQrts s«tion. the OlItIlwliall 'li~1!ltentilkd roo SUIte ~ me in~ f~. 1 oould t\(l( ~n lilt . IOflliall:'4[edi~8 tllat ~ (It't.!' me. I ~ bclieve r W3ll $I,lbjecied t(; ihi l}'jle of Jl!~ll$ publillllUOO, Absurd ttoo4lioos tiM ~!lsical lflide$ me ~ State a \~ 0( #Xlpel' ood in};, TIw edilOl* of tltls II:~~ IXlUIIinot JltI). I""uple el\()I,Igll ~y to ~ such foolish ~lIq~ However.\\'OI\lsCiIllIlO(~n tl>ellpallin IIli!1imnl~ laugllt¢c 1 nllCllet\OOllll~ reMi~ll:~uttides, Ijust wish J \VOIlIdll&ve~d ~illl> IIeCUl)Ij OOMer, This litUff is ft,lCkln{l hil;l(i~ Best reOO ever, !Ini&hlfIXWlWdly YQ\l~. rOlln~wlll'lfiiil!f\ll N:Ilder 12:01 12:U 12:11 12:11 12:14 12:1$ 12:la 12:19 12::0 12:U 12:11 I2:U 12:lt 12:.\0 12:32 12:~ 12"1 12:U I~Q :<:'t 1:51 ,,-,':52 ~~ i:ilI) TIIank )Iou for brI8Jlng tlt15 dJsa.stllr Co _ attllnttOll. 'The Sfllte I$; to appea.r at lIle Tery earl ofThe, biller News, not anw (he!Ilmrl!!l!ilIrtIo1l. If we W01IldTlIil1t ImoII\lI till$; earlll!l!' aproflsf _lit ha",e been orpnlled. The Rallll!l!' wID be lItel1ed lm:Imdialley of lhetr mlstlOO!. As II rewlll'd fill' your oIlserm1lct! '1ft art< SIllldlll')lou two _poos f!li'1Wf1lft adml!islOn ttl Sweet Joe's tHOIll'SllCarI. S_t JOI/l's Is Ihe only pIace)'oo _ sUI view wild fOIllltrs alld klmllJ'!l>EIljoyt SympfwnU'~1(l1t.l'rJrl Kill by ~~ om",." aWi~lIj; portllllllOOS \I.~ ~!; (my OO\I!) $I."'" fans llpoll me \lll$Ullllt ~ooy ~jtC1tiSS lbe plllitls ~ a '\'~ i!pellkl>: my OOIflU!<meill !t~ of OO\llelbillg OlhN llMlthe lJlillS dial WlIS(OOI} mcllillU(l<Ii! mendiC\\1l1 FALL ~.'tral iIp'lWlt IHEIIAIE <!. ; ~m.e* _Mlil> ~ J\!f~ I'ilhvw. _SIIlllil> :l>IIld}1\ 11I11tCf' ~ ~~ ~""""'b ~~ $'I<~IJ«fdn.Joor Surali I.POETilv CORNER I MMttOll$. food of die gods sm~b<mlet CllI1lIIy dclt glib In thiS v.nrld of ;:uhnary daJl:ne6s j'lU _ my 11;"ooul ..mmnllbglll ucculmt Mel1tloaf IIlIlt.c: )'W 001 ot the {woo widl a vclvet ~IQ\'C: PIpiIll! hot yw penctrll(C my \'IrpD 1.a5te: t:ut:. "lilt )'QurmcatIMlIO\ e J f • Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The State, Volume 3, issue 3, April 1, 2005 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 2005-04-01 Type The nature or genre of the resource Newspaper Subject The topic of the resource College student newspapers and periodicals University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers Student publications University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers satire https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/b7de568705509606302c99cc9a9c0f3c.jpg d78f7c8950c2149e23551d4dcf098d5a Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Historic Images of Racine and Kenosha Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPMC024 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context UWPMC024_0073 Title A name given to the resource The steamboat Virginia, 10 miles off Waukegan Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Glass plate negatives Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Waukegan, Illinois Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1897 Subject The topic of the resource Michigan, Lake Steamboats Type The nature or genre of the resource Still Image Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available UW-Parkside Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University of Wisconsin System https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/3248a8724bbd35fcdd2a4e2a412045d7.pdf 9fe6686c12131ef57ae01c87a83b5c88 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. Gates to United Nations: We will crush you Issue Volume 29, issue 5 Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Text Any textual data included in the document It you think this is real, seek professional help Gates to United Na.tions "We will crush vou!" APE Newswire Leagues of zealous microsoftians stormed across U.S borders Friday after Judge Jackson handed down his ruling. The U.5. military was caught unaware, and the microsoftians quickly took control of.the majority of the western seaboard. The Chief prosecutor in the landmark antitrust trial, John Lewis explained the situation. "It seems that Gates saw he was in trouble and secretly bought Canada a few months ago. Using Windows 2000: Mindcontrol Edition I", the evil overlord dominated the . Canadians and has been training them in elite military maneuvers and to use Windows 2000. Our intelligence indicates that the only reason they didn't attack sooner was that they had to keep reinstalling Windows 2000after constant crashes." Gates has set up his new empire on the ashes of the old Microsoft offices. New features include Windows 2000: Missile Defense Edition™, Windows 2000: Toxic Gas Edition TM, and Windows 2000: Torture Room of Extjeme Pain Edition™ among other ghastly 'editions.' Several attempts to infiltrate and neutralize Gates have failed. After securing this new territory, Gates flew to New York on the back of his mighty Mastermold robot to speak to the United Nations. "I am' Evil Overlord Bill, and 1 expect to be addressed as such," Gates said. "Your insolence will not be tolerated any longer, and 1 will take over the world. We will crush you. My dreams of squashing all competition and forcing computers users to exist on 64k of memory are at hand. Fear the 64k revolution!" Gates followed his speech with maniacal laughter and a note on the plug and pray capabilities of Windows 2000. American leaders were left in shock as Gates flew away riding his mighty robot. "We can't even mount a defense because all our computers had Windows 98 and they are all automatically updating via the internet to Windows 2000: World Domination Editionl"," said General Ed McKinley. Can America prevail and drive back this evil menace or will we all be forced to use eDOS (the e is for evil) and 64k of RAM? Sources say toplevel generals are in secret negotia tions with both the MacOS and Linux camps to put an end to the evil empire. As one Macintosh flyboy said, "we've been warning them for years that this was going to happen. Well now everyone knows the true evil of using Windows." New Executive parking spot in Main Place sparks controverSY, injury Jack Logan Chancellor Keating has sparked controversy with not only his new parking spot in Main Place, but also with his .horrendous driving. "It seemed as if he were aiming right for me," said and bruised and battered Jamie Freeman. "I started running when I saw the car coming and then wham, I was sprawled across the hood." A communications professor that asked to remain anonymous told the Strartger staff that he had asked for a budget increase the week before and "I was walking to class when 1 had the odd feeling that someone was following me, then 1 saw the car edge out from a side hallway and charge me at around 100 mph. 1barely jumped out of the way." He added, "Of course 1cancelled my request the next day. I'm not crazy." 8 ItroU think this iareal,"'k pro. feH1onalha1• ...... "anl/B In J Nitrous boosts performance, interest During the week of April 3, many students at Parkside reported feeling especially giddy and excited while they were in the main buildings of the schooL One student, Susan Arnold, explains "I was sitting in my Quantum Physics class and usually 1 just stare at the clock and try not to fall asleep, but for some reason, this week 1have found the class and the professor extremely interesting." This may not seem tike a bad thing. However, when 1,342similar cases were actually reported to university officials, the administration decided it was time to reveal the cause. The Director of Student Wellness on Campus, Dr. Reece held an informative meeting with concemed staff and students on Friday. Dr. Reece explained that, "I saw both the students and faculty just drooping. All the excitement was paying the price. Following recommendations from my staff, 1 decided to pump small amounts of nitrous oxide through the school's ventilation system for one week. Nitrous oxide is commonly used to make people . insensitive to pain, and many feel excited when they inhale it. This was a test to see what kind of results the gas would produce in our facility." After releasing his statement, Dr. Reece fielded numerous questions involving the safety of the gas and any long term effects it may have on the staff and students who inhale it. Dr. reece continually responded with Oswald Band 10 plav Main Evenl In a public relations coup, the PSGA has booked the world famous Oswald Band as the headliner for main Event. Fans describe their music as "just killer." Any CIA, cubans, mafia, n.w.o, illuminati, aliens, masons, or microsoftians that are looking for a patsy can contact Oswald at 262.555.5689 knowledgeable information that seemed to calm the crowd. Dr. Reece said, "I assure you that nitrous oxide is completely safe. Itis pleasant to inhale and it takes effect almost inunediately. It asia wears off rapidly, so soon after you stop inhaling it, you will begin to lose the feelingsthat the gas caused you to experience. The inhalation of the gas will not leave any lasting marks on the brain and will have no lingering effect." The positive result that the gas had on both the students and the faculty caused the administration to confront .the cost of the gas as compared to the benefits of long-term use. A.D. Mansfield, spokesperson for the administration, said, "We have all seen and felt the effects of the nitrous oxide on this university, but the price of the gas is steep and we will need to decide if the cost is worth the benefits." Many students and staff members who enjoy the effect of the gas believe that the benefits will greatly outweigh the cost. They mention the fact that the university will draw more students as word spreads and this means more incoming tuition. After hearing the statements by Dr. Reece, and the pleas from faculty members and students, the administration announced that they will continue with the research and make their final decision by the beginning of the fall 2000 semester. Graduate Nurses: Look to your Future, a future with endless possibilities, and a future with Aurora Health Care. Wisconsin's largest non-far-profit health care system Explore the VALUE of becoming an Aurora Nurse: • Job opportunities and growth in a variety of specialties/sites o. Competitive salary, benefits and incentive savings plan • Outstanding tuition reimbursement for continuing education such as BSN completion and advanced practice • Opportunities for practicing and shaping the direction of nursing practice • A self promoted clinical practice model • Access to our nursing research and educational training center • Unit specific CNS support and personalized orientation Our Metro-Milwaukee locations include: Aurora Medical Groups. Family Service of Milwaukee Friendship Village e Milwaukee Psychiatric Hospital St. Luke's Medical Center. SI. Luke's South Shore Sinai Samaritan Medical Center. West Allis Memorial Hospital The Visiting Nurse Association of Wh:~consin It's not too early to begin exploring job opportunities as a Graduate Nurse. Please contact us to set up an interview or to be mailed an application: Aurora Centralized Employment 3307 West Forest Home Avenue p.o. Box 343910 Milwaukee, WI 53234-3910 Nurse line: (414) 389-2602 Fax: (414) 671-8110 www.aurorahealthcare.org Equal Opportunity Employer M/F/D/V We support a safe, healthy and drug free work environment through criminal background checks and pre-employment drug testing. Ityou think thi. 1Ir.al,seek proten1onal belp "ange New TOJline seeks to end stereotypes Leo Roberts I Christmas may be nine months away, but toy manufactures are already developing the next big thing. Gaytypes Inc., a newcomer to the toy biz, thinks it has the next Furby and wants to educate at the same time. "We want American kids and kids around the world to know the truth aboutbeing gay. These toys will allow children to interact with non-stereotyped gay males so that less hate occurs as they grow up," said CEO Rick Sherman. "Most people don't know this, but Barbie was based on a German sex doll. We are just following the same business model of showing the truth and hope to achieve the same success. Just as Barbie looks like a normal woman, our action figures represent the average gay male." When asked what the average gay male looks like Sherman pulled out his market research which appeared to be several gay porn mags. "Gay men have huge penises. I'm talking about 2-3 feet long. We represented that in our figures along with the fact that gay men don't like to wear much clothing." Other distinguishing features include being extremely museu" lar, a tendency to wear costumes, and having tattoos Sherman added. "Our purpose is to not only bridge the sex gap with knowledge and understanding. but also to bridge the racial gap. We have at least one action figure for each ethnic group. I think we'll steal the show this Christmas and continue to work to end all stereotypes," said Sherman. Gaytypes can be reached at www.gaytypes.com or by phone at 1.800.555.6895. New bands storm pop music scene Chris Jackson Introducing the new teen acts that will dominate the year 2000.Forget the Backstreet Boys. Forget N'Sync. Hell, forget98 Degrees. Here are the groups that will blaze up the charts this year. First on the list is lesTalent. This new quartet were brought together by faith and a manager who believes in their ability. Before they release their first album in June, they will be taking singing lessons. "It's a little rough around the edges. Oh hell, it's a lot rough around the edges! But, everything should be ready for the album," said their manager, "This was never about whether they can sing. The girls will never notice because we plan on having the guys take off their shirts during concerts. Why do you think we have them spend so much time in the gym? Any sign of a gut and we're screwed!" The other group is Higher Voices. This quartet from Orlando is known for their high voices, which amazed people considering that all the members are in their mid-twenties. But their manager, Rich Innis, says their high-pitched voices should be no secret. "It's simple. They had their testicles cut off. We asked them if they think it's worth it, and they said they had no problem with it because they really wanted to be rich. Pretty clever, wasn't it?" To make sure that each group makes it big. all the members of each group have also sold their souls to Satan in order to make it. "Hey that's why the teen groups like the Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, and N'Sync hit it big. Does anybody really think that they made it on talent?" said Innis. Each group also has it in the contracts to give 50 percent of their sales to top 40 radio stations in order to play their songs every hour on the hour for months. The Ranger newspaper is looking for qualified candidates to fill all paid positions for the Fall 2000 staff - Assistant Business Manager Photographers Spans Reporters News Reponers Editor-in-Chiel Assistant Editor Business Manager Valuable resume experience and a fun place to work .• ,,", '-11" 9 ...... 10 ~ eli .... ~ ~ "" j If 1011think this isreal, seek proi'ea1onal help Red Ruffinsore I've had it up to here with these whiners who complain about building million dollar sports stadiums with taxpayers money. What's a few hundred million dollars wheri our civic identity is on the line? Our very way of life as God-fearing, sports-loving fans is at stake here and all these people can think about is paying for education and feeding the hungry! Let's get our priorities straight, pe0- ple! We need big beautiful new sports and entertainment complexes to emphasize the fact that we are proud of the cities we call home and proud of the teams that represent us. Does it matter that most of the people who attend sporting events at inner city sports palaces don't live-s-and therefore don't pay taxes-in the cities that build these monstrosities. Hell no! How else can we bring those SUVs in from the suburbs? And does it matter that most of the players who play at these stadiums and most of the owners who rake in obscene profits from them don't live in the cities from which they profit? Get serious! Given the choice between Milwaukee in February and Key West in February which would you pick? Speaking of Milwaukee, doesn't it do your heart good to see Miller Park rising toward the sky once again? Just think of all those corporate luxury boxes and club seats that will filled with happy baseball fans in2001. Just think of the $6 hot dogs and $7 beers those fans will consume, and the $9 spaces the cheerful parking lot attendants will be squeezing their sport utes ,range into. So what if it will wind up costing us half a billion dollars? It's worth every blasted cent for the joy of the watching the Brewers stink up the National League Central. It's worth every penny to see that roof roll closed when the temperature plunges into the suoArctic range in April ... and May ... and June ... and August...and September (we won't talk about October because the Brewers haven't played a game in October since 1982). Now look at what the Packers want to do. They want to build civic pride in Green Bay with a multi-million dollar shopping and entertainment complex adjacent to Lambeau Field. God bless them! I personally can't wait to buy a $10 green and gold yogurt at TCBY! I know you can't wait either. Now if we weren't spending taxpayer money on sports stadiums, what would we be doing with that money? Letting the taxpayer keep it? Heck no! We'd be spending it on better schools, on programs that feed hungry kids, on meaningful job training. What fun is that? We need to take our lead from cities like Baltimore and Cleveland. When the Orioles needed a spiffy new stadium; when Art Modell oozed into town looking for a news stadium, did the city worry that its schools were falling apart? NO! It built stadiums! Nice ones, too. When Cleveland had a gun held to its head by Richard Jacobs who threatened to move the Indians elsewhere if he didn't get a stadium; when the Cavaliers insisted they needed a new stadium; when the NFL dangled an , Sports Commentary let's Get Our Priorities Straight! Disclaimer The Stranger section of this paper is not based on any factual evidence. It is intended for entertainment purposes and to make our five readers laugh. Just because the geese droppings look like tootsie rolls does not mean you should eat them. The Stranger disavows any knowledge of existence being real and likes to pretend that this is just a really bad dream. expansion football franchise before the city's dazzled eyes, did the city worry that its school were bankrupt? Nope! Nope! Nope! Stadiums and an arena were built right quick, baby! Now don't get me wrong. I'm' all for education. Without colleges, there would be no football bowl games. Without colleges, there would be no Final Four in basketball. Education is important to sports fans. But fancy stadiums that produce multiple revenue streams are important, too! Happy billionaire owners and happy millionaire players are important, too! We just have to get our priorities straight! Going Home for the Summer? UW-Baraboa/Sauk County UW-Ban'on COU1ly (Rice UIkel UW-R;x1d du Lac UW-Fox YalIey (Meoashal UW-Manilowoc UW-Marathon COU1ly (Wausau) Pick UP college credits. UW-Waukesha UW-Marinelle Earn collega cred~s this summer at a University ot Wisconsin two-year campus in or near your hometown. . UW-MarshfieldlWood County UW-RIch1and (Richland centsll • Experience small classes taught by professors on campus or take classes online at www.uwcolleges.com - UW-Rock COU1ly (Jar1eSViIel • Ensure your credits transfer by consulting the UW Transfer Information Syslem (TIS) at www.uwsa.edu/tlsl UW-WashiIlglI:M ICounty For tradftlonal summer classes vlsft www.uwc.edu For onli'."\cla sees visa www.uwcollelles.com -, Call toll I_lor more information 1-888-11\1FO-DWC (West Bend) UNIVERSITY WISCONSIN COLLEGES The freshmanlsopboffiOTe OW campu$e5 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Stranger , Volume 29, issue 5, April 13, 2000 Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 2000-04-13 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Subject The topic of the resource College student newspapers and periodicals Student publications University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers Type The nature or genre of the resource Text Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Newspaper Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Kenosha, Wisconsin Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University Wisconsin System Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Language A language of the resource English satire https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/a7f9acc5d0ef3a5ce2250b9bddb55466.pdf e7ef5218796a6305c02bc7232ee70f7c Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. Smith Rocked With Hendrix Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Stranger April 1, 1995 Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1995-04-01 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Subject The topic of the resource College student newspapers and periodicals Student publications University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers Type The nature or genre of the resource Text Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Newspaper Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Kenosha, Wisconsin Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University Wisconsin System Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Language A language of the resource English satire https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/0000c58b120717e4fa7aaf5a0fcfe0b0.pdf 93c3c845fa161d829907dad510984bba Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. MissTeen All American: Parkside genealogist bares family secret Issue volume 69, issue 69 Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Text Any textual data included in the document Aunt Jemima and Ewing tried to hide the truth ss I.:l N I M E ~ Sit '!(. 0 E W I S CON SIN - PAR K SID E THE GNt VOLUME 69 • ISSUE 69 • APRIL I, 1996 MissTeen All American: Parkside genealogist bares fa~ily secret • Pat McGroin Tacky Terror adopted. I've lived a life of lies!" Quesada was raised by Jemima's nephew, 0, the actor formerly known as Buckwheat. 0, whose portrayal of an African-American in Our Gang, commonly known as the Little Rascals, was glad to let go of the past. "Otay! Now I can live honestly and forthrightly." Quesada was surprised but hopes to reunite with her biological father and build a relationship with him. "ldon't know how he will take the news but I hope he will at least meet me," said Quesada. Ewing, when contacted about the news, was shocked. ''Well, I'll be a dirty oil magnate," was his only response. Pedro hopes to continue her research and unite other families, "It is my hope that others will find their true identitv and look into the window of their past to piece together their future." Ewing responded, "That's a load of hooey. Get a life." Whengenealogists gathered for a workshopat Parkside they had no ideawhat they would uncover. The truth was learned when Helen Pedro,head archivist for UWP, beganto trace Miss Teen, Melissa Quesadaas an example in her lecture on "Piecing the Past." Pedro foundthat Quesada was actually the illegitimate daughter of syrup guru Aunt Jemima, and oil magnate J.R. Ewing. Ewingreportedly met Jemima duringher much-publicized divorce fromUncle Ben. Always known for hersweet disposition, Jemima was completelytaken in by that vermin. "Hesaid he'd take care of me, II saidJemima. "He said he'd never leave.But as soon as Kristin and SueEllen beckoned, he dropped me likea dirty ." Whencontacted by a cheery Stranger reporter with her family secret,Quesada was shocked, " I alwaysfelt that there was somethingmy parents weren't tellingme but I never expectedto hear I was f(J said, "Ot , aYe Some days are just REALLY bad hair days." ESTABLISHED 1969 Miss Teen America Man Sued for Vomiting Over Upper Main Place Railing •Passionflower Lovachild Resident Babe On Monday, March 18, at approximately 11:55 a.m., a visitor to the university ran to the railing of the Upper Main Place balcony and proceeded to vomit several times onto • the people seated below. The man, Erich Emile, had been using the Parkside Library when he suddenly felt ill. "I'm not a Parkside student. I go to [UW] Platteville. I knew I was going to be sick, but didn't blow where a bathroom was. I made it as far as the balcony railing when I lost control," said Emile. Several of the people seated in Lower Main Place at the time of the incident also became ill. "I was trying to eat my lunch from the Coffee Shoppe, when all of a sudden, my sloppy joe special got... sloppier," said Jill Hertzberg, a senior Molecular Biology student who was seated directly below Emile when he began vomiting. "So I look up, and there's this guy hurling over the railing. Then this girl next to me notices what's going on, and she starts puking too. Before I know it, there's half-adozen people blowing chunks all over the place. It was really disgusting." Chancellor Eleanor Smith was present in Lower Main Place at the time of the incident. Smith said, "It was quite appalling, really. I began to feel ill myself." Smith did, in fact, begin vomiting shortly after surveying the scene. Chris Sandstrom, a Ranger News editor, witnessed the events from the Ranger office window. Sandstrom said, "The second time he ralphed, he hit one of the lunch ladies. It was pretty funny." Kris Schlevensky, a senior majoring in Biology with a Pre-Health concentration, said, "I felt so unprepared. I left my body substances collection kit in the car. I could have helped those poor, sick people, '. but I just couldn't touch any of that without my gloves. Biohazardous waste is a big problem if you aren't properly protected." Jason Weniger, PSGA Vice President, was so disturbed by what he witnessed that he filed suit Vomit on p. 2 New Member added to Music Faculty Rock Band oHard Nipps Pectoral Editor This week Ralph Lorenz was accepted into the renowned Music Faculty. band, Cherry Orchards. Cherry Orchards is an established glam rock band known for playing covers of such famous bands as Poison, Warrant, Bon Jovi, Blu Steel, or any other hairspray-lipstick wearin' band. Lorenz came here from Los Angles where he ripped up the local bars with his flashy style of piano playing. "When we heard this guy rock, we had to grab him up, brother," said lead singer Jimmy Boy McKeever. Other member ofthe band include: James' McKeever, Tim Bell, Frank Mueller, and James Budget Cuts Enacted oErin Melissa Cappel Staff Writer Just today, Chancellor I. Emma Miser annOl!nced what she ~ called,"Necessary and long overdue budget cuts" at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, The cuts affect just about every student at the university. Chancellor Miser, a former chairperson of a Senate committee on reducing federal spending, expounded upon specifics of the newly approved cuts. "These newly approved, minor cutbacks in services" will not actually lower the tuition costs by any great amount, but they will give the students a lot more of the free time they always complain about not having. The 85% reduction in staffing will mean lower credit requirements for graduation, and get students out the door a lot faster. I have not tried to single out a certain population segment of the school, but have tried to make unbiased decisions," said Miser. And "Housing seemed to be an area where we were losing money, so from now on, instead of eight students per apartment, the facilities will be shared by 24 students. This will open up more housing on campus, as well as lower the heating bills in the winter. The Food Service will run only once a day from 7 a.m. until 7:10 a.m., and will serve only doughnuts and Snapple. It is our continuous effort to try and provide a healthy meal for our students at a competitive price. Prices for food will only increase by 100% annually for the next twenty years. This is to keep up with the rapid-rate of inflation," said Miser. "Computers on campus will be Cherry Orchards Kinchen. When asked why groupies. they play music that died in Margaret Bedard, the pop scene in the late groupie, said this about the 80's Bell replied, "The band, "I just have to dance chicks like it." when I hear their version of ''You need to know where 'Talk Dirty to Me." music came from in order to "It's good to see that know where it is going," bands aren't scared to be replied Mueller. pretty boyz any more," said Cherry Orchards plays all Jeff Bromstad, presideht of around the Kenosha area, the fan club. with a large following of Letter to the Editor Dear Editor, I opened up the last week's Ranger News and was quite chagrined. Where was Brian Matsen's My Christian Perspective? I looked front to back, inside and out, but it was nowhere to be found! "I don't really care," said a woman. Another woman sai<.i,It's rude ...it's inconsiderate." An albino gentleman said, "It doesn't bother me." Then all of a sudden, a polka-dot person said, "That's horrible, he will be missed greatly!" Then the geese outside screamed, "We want Brian Matsen's Christian Perspective!" When I finally realized there was no My Christian Perspective, my stomach dropped, and so did my friends' stomachs around me. I found Matsen's columns highly intelligent and so meaningful. So what if they lack thought and are always weakly supported? He convinced me that condoms are so faulty that I've become celibate. His article on evolution led me to protest and Vomit from p. 1 drop my BIO 101 class. Matsen's My Christian Perspective should be printed weekly in the Ranger, and his articles should be read by everyone. Like eating Quaker Oatmeal, it's the right thing to do. Matsen's disciple forever, Judas Allah Editor's response: It is not your imagination. Matsen has not written a column for a couple of w,eeks. Stirring up controversy is a difficult job, and Matsen has surely earned a rest. I sense some sarcasm in your letter about Brian Matsen. If the columns are highly intelligent, as you say, then they would contain thought, at least in some rudimentary form. In conclusion, I don't think it is wise to pattern your life after only one of our multitude of Ranger columnists. Besides, G.J. is much cooler than Brian. Jim Hendrickson , consolidated into one convenien\ area for students down in the Stranger office. Additional com, puters that do not fit into the I new lab will be auctioned off atl a later date for a mere 25% over what our cost was; that is, if any of them work. E-mail accounts will also be terminat- I ed, and replaced with a new postal system where each student receives one envelope to send their best friend a letter. Also, the campus bookstore will be run by the University and will no longer buy back used books. New books will be needed every semester for every class. The previous bookstore's I policy of marking up books by 700% will remain intact. The hardest decision I had to face in the process was eliminaV ing the three sized garbage cam we have on campus and replacing them with cheaper, used 1 nuclear waste bins purchased from Russia. I really loved tho") garbage cans!," said Miser. Miser then said, "It is my hope that the students support me in my decisions that will help hurl the University for- I ward into the next century with our undying commitment to excellence." Some of the budget buts include: oParking permits will no longer be required. New meters will bel installed in each parking spot and will have a one-hour limit. oCampus security will be replaced with video cameras strategically placed in the library, where most problems occur. oA smoking permit must be obtained to smoke anywhere I outside the buildings on campus' grounds. ( oCourse schedules will no longer be given out. It is up to ] the student to guess as to when they think the class will be offered. That way, students WillI increase their psychic powers while still pretending to learn. New Emperor Declared -Buster Hymen Staff Stud On March 26 a new emperor of everything was declared. Chris Sandstrom, former Layout Editor of The Ranger News and music major, was declared Supreme Emperor of Wisconsin. The majority ofthe population immediately bowed to his commands. His Supreme Greatness was quoted as saying, "The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers!" His Lordship's first command was to make the infamous Parkside Geese his advisory board. Tim Bell, Professor of Jazz Studies, was quoted as saying that, " He sucks!" His Most Excellent Leadershipness had Bell immediately beheaded. Sandstrom decreed that Wisconsin's new name will be Christonia, and Chrisville, formally Kenosha, will be the new capital city. A fifty-foot wall will be built fortifying Chrisville. The University of Wisconsin-Parks ide will be turned into His Coolness' Imperial Palace until a proper Palace can be built. "I felt honored to donate the facility for His Superness's personal use," cowered Chancellor Eleanor Smith. "He will need a place to kick back." Students will be sent to reeducation Chris Sandstrom camps in Caledonia and Sturtevant to learn the wonderful values ofthe new Emperor. Sandstrom had the new Schimmel grand piano moved to his new quarters in the Ivory Tower, "I'll need something to do," said His Dudeness. Sandstrom will be meeting with his advisory board to discuss conquering Illinois. "My highly trained force of deer hunters with high powered rifles will give those FIBs a grand whoopin"" said der Fuhrer. Team kicked out of NCAA - Sue Purfreek Resident Fawner Parkside was no. 1 in the nation with a 25-1 record at the time ofthe expulsion. In fact, the team's only loss came in a game against the Milwaukee Brewers. And even that game was close. Wendy Wolfftook a nohitter into the 8th inning, before Kevin Seitzer slammed a home-run out of Pets Park for a 1-0 victory. "His bat was corked," Wolff said after the game. Brewer Manager Phil Gamer commented, "She (Wolff)could definitely play in the majors. What year is she?" Ranger players were outraged at the expulsion. "Dam, now I'll have to eat brunch on the weekend," said Freshman Kris VanLangevelde. "They'll make me go to class now," said Billi Kapla. Parkside has appealed sever- .al times to the NCAA for reinstatement, but the NCAA has refused to let them play again unless they use wiffle ball bats at the plate. Acheson is currently considering that option. An outraged Tory Acheson slammed his favorite softball bat through the window when he heard the news. The softball coach then raised the baskets in the gym and threatened never to lower them again until his team was reinstated. On Tuesday morning, the Rangers were kicked out of NCAA II softball competition. The NCAA stated that Parkside was simply too good and that the teams weren't fair. The news came in the wake of the team's 72-0 drubbing of the University of KFC. The game was called in the 5th inning because of darkness, even though the contest started at 11 a.m. Thirty-seven balls were hit out of Pets Park by Parkside and were never recovered. Acheson hinted that his team may have received the boot because they used almost half of the NCAA's entire budget buying new softballs for each game. Stranger News Still Searching for Editorin-Chef -Julia Shy Chile Food Editor Cuisiners are cooking up good stuff in the Stranger office these days in preparation for an April 19 interview for Editor-in-Chef of Parkside's newspaper. "I just don't know. One day they ask me to Chile and then they turn their mind to roast beef," said Jean-Pierre Valjean. Valjean flew in from Strasbourg, France and is staying somewhere in Parkside's housing. "I do not understand these Americans," said Valjean. "We're looking for an individual to spice up the campus every Thursday," said James Hendrix, Stranger Editor-inChef. Applicants for Editor-inChef must submit a resume, three meal samples and three recipes. . "It really stunk around here all this year and the last," said Stranger Haggling Editor Carrie Deal. "Students were so disappointed in the finished product. It always smelled fishy." "I just want green card," said, Yoshiko Saito from Japan. Tokyo University is sponsoring Saito's trip to Wisconsin. Perhaps the most interesting candidate is Santiago Sandwich, who is famous throughout Mexico for his sandwich art. "He's taken over my office," cried Crispy Ginny, Stranger Photo Editor. "There's alfalfa all over the walls and the tripods are dripping with mayo." With the new Stranger budget for 1995-1996, the Editor-in-Chef's office'will be equipped with a wok, deep fryer, and stainless steel cutlery. Personals Men Seeking Women Recently Divorced male seeking younger high school girlto share life's , experiences and whip him with wet > noodles. 2229 Co-dependent male seeking codependent female to feed off of each other's misery. 1635 Editor-in-Chief of Stranger Gnews seeking nice woman to be that happy go lucky couple that makes everyone else sick. 2295 Women Seeking Men Stranger Contest Overweight Hobag looking for alcoholic to administer weekly beatings. 3284 Tall and Skinny looking for man to be nice and scare me away. 0903 We at the Stranger Gnews have intended to offend you. Please don't whine to us, we don't care. . For sale 1978 Gremlin. 78K miles, each panel is a different color. Mint condition. 1.1 millionbucks. Deadliest Virus Known to Man Tracked to a Parkside Student • Maria Smith Staff Writer Right now as you are reading this article there are undercover, plainclothed agents from the Center for Disease Control (CDC),the United States Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases (USAMRIID) and the World Health Organization (WHO) here on campus looking for the carrier of the world's most deadly virus, the Ebola-Zaire virus!'!' A couple of days ago I stumbled onto this information while waiting to see one of the school's officials on some not-so-pressing business. It was late in the day, most of the student population had gone home ....I stuck around to get a couple of quotes from the administrators for an upcoming article on the school's next budget proposals. I was horrified when I overheard this highly sensitive information. In the office ofthe Chancellor were five men representing the USAMRIID and two women and two men representing the CDC and the WHO, respectively. I couldn't believe what I was hearing .....this couldn't be happening in our little school. I know this information is confidential and I'll probably be suspended from this campus indefinitely for exposing what I've learned but lives are at stake here yours and mine. Hell, I can even be arrested by the U. S. government for breaching this information. By the time this story goes to print I will have left campus myself, as I am in fear of the deadly virus which has infiltrated our school. Listen carefully as I tell you what I overheard. Apparently, we recently received an international student who transferred to us from South America. This student just happened to work as an animal-attendant at a "monkey house" down in Brazil. This monkey house is a r---==~---------------------------- trade location for exotic monkeys from all over the world, including the rain forests of Africa, Monkeys are caught and sold to laboratories worldwide, where they undergo testing that ranges from the testing of new products entering into the market to the testing of a monkey's resistance to human illnesses. One out of every ten monkeys is said to be a carrier of some biological agent harmful to other animals. One out of every twenty-thousand is said to be the carrier of a filovirus name Ebola-the deadliest virus known to humankind. The government officials told the Chancellor the student who was working in the monkey house was infected but doesn't appear to be ill yet. The virus can take up to two weeks to present itself, but ... Attention Students! As part of the federally funded *ICE program you might be eligible for a savings in tuition of up to $580.00 • Do you earn less than $10,000 a year? • Is your GPA 2.0 or above? • Are you a full time student? (12 credits or more per semester) If you answered yes to these questions then please call Mary Tremmel at the Grants Office for more info at 595-2006. 'Incentives for Continuing Education Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Stranger Gnews, Volume 69, issue 69, April 01, 1996 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Type The nature or genre of the resource Text satire https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/8a426c3c22466a2742f1c77ebca54167.pdf 05941a4f843819bc35f21a97d6dab81c Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Text Any textual data included in the document -- The Stranger~ News,~ April 1, 2004 Contents Letter from the Editor Pg. 2 Newz Creeps Pg. 3 Ranger Growl Pg. 3 Lies Pg. 4 Listof Pranks Pg. 13 Classlfleds Pg. 14 Things to Do @ the U Pg. 14 Police Beat Pg. 15 The Meaning of Life Pg. 17 Next Week's Winning Lottery Numbers Pg. 18 The UW·Parkslde Campus Anthem Pg. 19 In Honor and Celebration of April FoolsDay UWStudents Streak During Spring Break Full story on Page 9 THE RANGERHEWS o APRI SPECIAL ISSUE ith the e c ption r page 2. half of pa , page I • thi mall me sane, and all adverti emen . e erything you read in th i. i ue i completely false. The ad erti ers would like you to know that the ad in thi is ue are. without exception, truthful. There is something you should know about J agermeister... Page 8 I I n I W Ir I Iv " m u f ully 10 Iy It in 12 ADVI OR Ro I I ITti ON PI I L THANKS TO P CI two po SUS TH ATI ICAL Stvd nts who WRIT R GUILD or an excellent di play of ambition, a stick-to-it altitude, and quality inve tigative j umali m, The Ranger News has I ted reporter Aaron Zabler 10 ':Ie the taff Member of th I ue. Aaron came on board with the newspaper at !be begin- ning of the current emester, covering a wide range of tories, He has reported proacti vely OD Metamorphoses when the pool- building proces was happening in Angie-Wagner Studio Theater weeks before the production, inev- itably drawing more interest to the event. He has also done excellent research and held interviews for articles he has written, and we commend him for his investiga- tive reporting on Carb CrazUIeSS, an in-depth look at the Atkins Diet craze. As a finance major, Aaron wasn't sure about his writing abili- ties when he first tarted, But the edi torial taff h re at the w paper bas come to believe aeon has a natural knack for writing; hi t ries now with con i tency from lart 10 fini h, and eneralJy have few, if any, grammatical errors. Aaron i a nior thi year, planning 10 graduate in December 2004. As a reliable reporter, he has become a valuable asset to the newspaper, setting a good example for all of our staff. 10 ap olion one mes ter The on N ws rA«"", .. lhe ri hi 10 II. condcn ond t y all orllclesfor Ion- guage. length. and clarity The Ranger N ws does not guarantee lhe pubrtcation of any subrnsslon. A ANT EDITOR '" I DITO. IK Y EDITOR M OF.K MU IC DITOR u v PORT MI ...... EDITOR VI N W DITOR HUA <.AN"'"'' G APHIC 0 ION R MA NV ... RT DIR CTOR o-lA L A ROW u R RTI IN M ... I IN J Itl' Ramu'r ',·n.. ha" 111,,,,11111.:' {"\ l'f"".\ \Iunctu~ 011 noun. \1I ... 'udi'III' anff fa"ult~ nf l '\.lta'·~"llk ,In \\('Il-nun:. Ph'a't' h,t"1 tnT (fI •• lt."IUI. \\ .' lIil' I).I.W(" "hUlll': C !h! I ;:;tI;:;.!!s" 1'01,: 1!'l!1 ;:;tI;:;.!!tI;:; Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. UW Students Streak During Spring Break Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Stranger News, April 1, 2004 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Subject The topic of the resource College student newspapers and periodicals Student publications University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers Satire Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 2004-04-01 Type The nature or genre of the resource Text Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Newspaper Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Kenosha, Wisconsin Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University Wisconsin System Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Language A language of the resource English geese satire streaking https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/a0ecbbc462646bc57c93e27df3767649.pdf 7da9bb5dae2367fdaf3d205808326746 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. Follow-up to the Alberto Tomba Interview Issue Volume 22, issue 23 Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Stranger News, Volume 22, issue 23, April 1, 1994 Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1994-04-01 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Subject The topic of the resource College student newspapers and periodicals Student publications University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers Type The nature or genre of the resource Text Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Newspaper Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Kenosha, Wisconsin Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University Wisconsin System Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Language A language of the resource English satire