https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/918bd1134fc636e9051fa6c50f5c9aa9.pdf 12033b02f903297f0ce50da7a79c1919 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Issue Volume 35, issue 7 Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. Scheduling Spring '05 Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Text Any textual data included in the document University of Wisconsin-Parkside's Student Newspaper News Sports Entertainment Arts & Culture Opinion Classifieds Police Beat .... 900 Wood Road Kenosha. Wl 53144 Scheduling Spring '05 BY PRESTON BROWN Stress is simply a part of life for most students, especially around the end of the semester. With finals to study for and reports to be written, who has time to make a schedule for next semester? But like anything else, the decisions that are made today affect the future of tomorrow. Forgetting to register on time for the next semester's classes is nothing new to a lot of students at UW-Parkside. Thomas Culkin, a senior, said 'T ve signed up late for classes before and it never pans out. You end up, out of desperation, putting together a schedule that conflicts with the rest of your life." Culkin advised new students as well as the veterans to the UW-Parkside system to "try to use as much foresight as possible when planning your next semester." ? The registration system now used by the UW-Parkside community is the new SOLAR System, which is the third one the University has used in as many years. 'The SOLAR system is confusing, only because I haven't had enough experience with it." Said Culkin in reference to the new systems user-friendliness. When students overlook the importance of scheduling next semester's classes early on, they often end up with their second and third choices. Also, many classes are only offered once or year or every other. Culkin said that in his experience, the easiest way to ensure your next semester will be an productive one is to "get it sorted out as early as possible." "Even if you don't have time" Culkin said, "make time in order to make a good decision. ' When students fail to get the classes they want, they are effectively not getting what they paid for. Students have a lot of resources available to them to help guide them in the right direction, such as the Advising Center. When making next semester's schedule, students should consider putting themselves first. Making a good schedule that fits around everyday life isn't hard; it just takes a little time that procrastination does not allow for. Theron P. Snell Phd. advises Ivan Agviar on courses to take in Spring '05 UW-Parkside Wrestling Team Shows Its Strength Morgan goes undefeated at Concordia Open On November 20, the UW-Parkside Wrestling Team went to Mequon to compete in the Concordia Open 17 universities competed with about 240 competitors at different weight classes. A.J. Morgan, a sophomore wrestler, had a 4-0 record on the afternoon as he won the 165-pound weight class to lead UW-Parkside. Morgan is 7-2 on the season. He defeated Brian Daley of Augustana 3-2 in the final and won the Rangers only title. John Goral, a junior wrestler, finished with a 4-1 record and took second in the 197- pound weight class. Goral is 7-3. Ben Thiem, a junior wrestler, was 3-1 taking second in the 174-pound division. Thiem is 5-3 on the season. Other U W-Parkside results were Fred Joseph, 4-1 meet, 5-3 season. Joseph pinned Sam Rugg of Concordia m 1:06 in a third place match. Rich Schmoll, 4-1 meet, 7-4 season, took fifth in the 184-pound class. Schmoll defeated Shamar Bailey of Maranatha Bible College on a medical forfeit m a third place match. UW-Parkside's Lany Silva won a fifth place match at 141-pounds as he beat Geoff Protz of Case Western Reserve 13-7. Scott Schramm, 4-3 meet, 5-5 season, lost 11-0 to Augustana's Dan Stanton in a fifth-place match. Wall Street Journal Campus Edition page Check out your local karaoke bars. List on page Inside rangernews@uwp.edu ph.262.595.2287 Pg. 3-9 Pg. 12-13 Pg. 14-15 Pg. 16-17 Pg. 18 Pg. 19 Pg. 19 December 4 through 17, 2004 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Letter to The Ranger News RANGER STAFF One of the most important factors in the ongoing relationship between Police Departments and the media is a mutual trust or understanding that the reporting will be unbiased and fair. I am disappointed to see the highlighted quote "We (Police) don't have any requirement or rule that we have to play fair." on the front page of the Ranger News. This comment is reported out of context, and the context is never explained in the body of the article. This is irresponsible, as it intentionally leads the reader to an incorrect conclusion. The comment was made in reference to the escalation of force, where Officers are not expected, or required, to have "even" odds with a combative or resisting subject. We are statutorily obligated to gain control of a situation. The Michael Bell incident was an example of an escalation of the amount of force necessary to overcome resistance. If will be the duty of the Kenosha County District Attorney to determine if the use of force was justified, given the facts of the case. Including the report of an unidentified person who spoke to an eyewitness to this case is also irresponsible. Has there been any effort to determine who this person is, who they spoke to, and verify their version of events? Fair and unbiased reporting would preclude unsubstantiated comments from being included as fact. The internet is an unreliable source for information, without independent verification. Michael Marzion UW-Parkside Chief of Police .. , ,! tooIk the 9uote as « "matter of fact" - that there are indeed no rules that police have to be fair. I h ave talked to the writer about the quote not being found within the article, and most of the people that have talked to me about it say it was the first thing they looked for when skimming through the article. I too was disappointed that it couldn't be found >ere but I would not add or write it information in any story for the writef In the writer's defense, I do agree that the quote provided an overall framework to the story. ,1 ,!lave a,so sP°ken to our staff about my distaste for anonymous or invisible sources, such as the one you cited. We are implementing a policy for stories that everything must come from a clear, visible, tangible source. Doing different things and seeing where they work and where they don't is one of the most important things that a college newspaper does for studentsrt helps them learn and grow. Another policy I think you should know about ' cZ?0znTzrncr policy-we have no,hing ,o hide- °nd a» °< ~ Henry D. Gaskins Editor-in-Chief The Ranger News Editor-in-Chief Henry D. Gaskins Assistant Editor Preston Brown Copy Editor Amanda Amason News Editor Tal Goldwater Sports Editor Russell Harris Entertainment Editor Katie Dylewski Arts & Culture Editor Nicholas Michael Ravnikar Graphic Design Manager Matt Gonya Business Manager Sony a Gonzalez Advertising Manager Avi Grewal Photographer Matt Cote Advisor Judith Logsdon Corrections cAaSsSmOOisAwffrDi fUB rangemews@uwp edu^ * qUeSt,0nS' °r ideas? ^ase e-mail us at: We are located at Wyllie D-139C Phone: (262) 595-2287 Fax: (262) 595-2295 The Ranger News strives for accuracy. If you notice wrong or misleading information in the newspaper, please e-mail rangemews@uwp.edu with the subject "Correction" and we will make a note of it in our next issue. 3 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 News Briefs By Tal Goldwater Hunger and Homelessness Week On Wednesday November 17, Habitat fo Humanity Campus chapter sponsored a "Shantytown" outside the Union building. The guidlines for the the shantytown was to build a house out of boxes. No fires, grills, camp stoves, and no heaters were allowed. Furthermore someone always had to be in the shanty. The Habitat for Humanity organization wrote, "participants got an awareness of homelessness." In addition Habitat for Humanity collected donations and canned goods for local shelter. The event focused attention on an estimated 3 million people in the United States that are homeless, 35 percent of which are families with children. World Aids Day Monday, December 1 was World Aids Day. There are an estimated 37.5 million people living with the human immnunodeficiency virus and acquired immune deficiency syndrome (HI V-AIDS) in the world. This year the focus of was on women and girls who make up almost half the cases in the world. According to UNAIDS the worst effected region is Africa. South Africa alone estimates that one out of six people are infected with the virus. UW-Parkside's Peer Health Educators are leading an awareness of the virus and discussing prevention with students. lity March Postponed The Unity March scheduled for December 1 will be stponed until January. The march was to inform the campus out current issues, such as the USA PATRIOT Act. The event is going to be sponsored by the Muslim Student Assoication and adent Support Services. PSGA diversity Director Sarah Saad 10 coordinated this march, said she regrets not being able to do n December, but also said it will happen at a later date. For any )re questions contact Sarah Saad at the PSGA office. The Ranger News are looking to fill these positions: Writers for News, Features, Sports Entertainment, and Arts & Culture Cartoonists Graphic Designers Advertising Assistants Web page Designers Copy Editors Come fill out an application at Wyllie D139C I 4 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Police Insure Guest Safety BY NICHOLAS MICHAEL RAVNIKAR Students involved in campus organizations are aware of the effort that goes into putting on an event. Providing a safe environment for your guests may be one of the most important concerns. UW-Parskide's policy #49 ("University Event Security Policy") states, "The Student Life and University Police staff are [sic] charged with the responsibility for [sic] reviewing all events held in the Union to assure that they do not represent an unreasonable risk to participants, other members of the campus community, or University' property." The review determines an appropriate level of security for people and property based on the "risk involved and liability incurred, and whether and under what conditions it is appropriate to hold the event on campus [sic]." Police are required as security when there is a potential for a fight, or another conflict that jeopardizes the security of guests, Stephanie Sirovatka- Marshall clarified. Sirovatka-Marshall, assistant director of Student Activities and Parkside Activities Board (PAB), said that, "The type of the event, the potential controversies that might be surrounding it, the hours of the event, and all sorts of things come into play." There are no set regulations that require a certain number of officers to be present for any given amount of expected attendees. Such decisions are made by the oiganization's event-coordinator, Sirovatka-Marshall, and campus Chief of Police and Public Safety Michael Marzion. Using campus police force officers may be beneficial for students, Sirovatka-Marshall suggests. UW-Parkside campus police are trained to handle situations in a college environment. They may be able to mediate a situation without necessarily having to issue a ticket or make an arrest as a city police officer would. "We've had officers at speak outs on LGBT [sic] issues in the past when we've known that there would be people who would protest or be extremety critical," she said. Other factors that might set off a security alarm include event planning and marketing. "We would want security at an event where a dance floor would have to be cleared, or if organizations are promoting their event off campus - at bars or high schools,".Sirovatka-Marshall said. She a suggests clearly indicating what age group the event caters to or all publicity. An 18-and-over event whose flyers direct guests to bring college identification is less likely to demand security. Preparing a laiger monitoi staff of students and faculty may also decrease the need for police presence. "A concert that doesn't require a dance floor" is less of a security risk, Sirovatka-Marshall indicated. "That's been an issue. Does the dance floor need to be cleared?" That might make an event more attractive to an audience, but it may also be unnecessaiy, she says. In the event of a low turnout for an event, the leading police officer makes the call as to whether police presence will remain at the event. Even if they leave, however, officers who are union members will be paid for at least a part of the time they were scheduled to be there. "There is a time period of mandatory pay if [security] were to get called in for an event. So an organization may end up paying for four hours of an officer being at an event as opposed to six," Sirovatga-Marshall said. It's also possible that some part-time officers may not be union members. Sirovatka-Marshall invrtes student organizations with questions about policy and procedures to contact her as well. "A lot of times, there's not a complete understanding so the information I get doesn't exactly match the questions an organization should've been asked." uestion of the Issue What type of events would you like .•':fo see go on around UW-Parkside Melanie Lempart Sophomore Undecided 20 "Umm ...probably more social events that allow commuters to interact more with those students that five on campus." Kimberly Wiegand Sophomore Accounting 19 "Rodeo - the guys dress up as cowboys and the ladies dress up as cowgirls. We could also rent a mechanical bull." Peter Klugiewicz Freshman Graphic Design/Animation 19 "Sports Bar Night - a place where people can watch sport games and socialize " Dwight Anderson Freshman Undecided 20 "Cultural awareness events." Interviewed by Ambe" Taylor 5 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Professor Reviews BY JASON GRIFFES "How do I decide what classes to take next semester?" This question plagues many UW-Parkside students. There are many resources available to students when deciding what classes to take from course catalogs and talking to advisors to talking to friends. One of these may be the most valuable is the professor reviews that are available for student review in the library. These reviews analyze students' responses on each individual professor, in each course by using a number of questions the students answer at the end of each semester. The questions vary per department so the questions that can be seen for Math professors will differ from those questions asked about the English professors. The reviews may be checked out for periods of up to two hours, and can be found at the resource desk in the library. There are three catalogs that are broken down in alphabetical order by department. These include Art through Communications, Computer Science through History, and Humanities through Theatre Arts. The categories include reviews from all of the courses that were offered the previous semester, by all of the instructors that held the courses. All of the questions are analyzed on a number scale basis using one through five. When researching a professor it is important to note what the question is, rather than just reading the numbered responses. The reason for this is the number system does not always stay at a standard, one being lowest, five being highest. Some questions assign the numbers a value such as freshman or senior. The professor reviews seem to provide no written comments by students, only the number systems are utilized in the reviews. This system can be a very valuable tool to those students trying to decide between two classes in a semester. The reviews can also assist a student when trying to decide if they will mesh with the professor who is teaching the class. These are issues that every student faces when deciding what to study in each semester. It is also important to fill these out honestly at the end of each class so that other students can use the Tis' the Season for Helping BY HEATHER TODD The holidays have rapidly arrived and now is the time for families, feasts, and for most students, no classes. Sleeping until noon and spending time with friends is a wonderful way to spend the holiday break, however, if you're searching for a rewarding experience and that warm fuzzy feeling inside there are several ways to satisfy that desire to help. Kenosha and Racine, along with most towns and cities, have established organizations with volunteers and support in mind. Students have all seen the bell ringers outside stores and malls, but that might not be everyone's idea of a fulfilling opportunity. Organizations like the United Way of America and The Boys and Girls Club of Kenosha offer students and adults the ability to express themselves while helping others. By visiting The United Way's web site, unitedway. org, visitors are given access to more than 400 opportunities to care. Each example has specifics that allow the volunteerto- be the ability to pick and choose witch activity is their right one. Categories such as Meals on Wheels, Assistance with Shelter Set-Up/Intake and Food Pantry Volunteer play important roles in the Non-Existent Rocks!!! BY AMBER TAYLOR On November 16 the Parkside Activities Board (PAB) hosted Talent Night Tuesday (TNT) in Union Square from 8-10 p.m. The night featured a local acoustic band Non-Existent, featuring Dave Zakos and Mike Niemiec. After the band performed, PAB hosted an Open Mic Night in which multiple UWParkside students were given the chance to showcase their individual talents. Non-Existent played several of their hit songs from their CD "The Acoustic Sampler" including "Broken Heart," "Wait for Tonight," and "Forever Endeavor.'' Both Zakos and Niemiec performed guitar and vocals. Attendance was high and Non-Existent put on a great show that the audience really got into. "We didn't have an expectation for attendance other than assuming a rather positive turnout due to the reactions to PAB's promotional actions. The band had a great time playing at UW-Paikside and said they would definitely return, Kristy Radspinner, the Special Events Coordinator for PAB, stated. Non- See "Non-Existent" page ? fives of the less fortunate. Specific organizations tend to center around the holidays, ensuring there is a warm and safe place for the recipients of charity to spend their holiday season. The Boys and Girls Club of America has a direct focus on children and after school/seasonal break activities provided to teach kids morals, teamwork, and ambition. Positions such as sports instructor, arts or technology specialists and referee are available to high school students and above who would like to explore volunteer opportunities with children. Students can visit their web site, bgckcnoha. org, or search your specific city for more details. This holiday season try to be something for someone. No matter what program is right for you there are hundreds of ways to give just a little. For more information on volunteer work contact charity-charities.org and fill in the specific city where you would like to help. Menu Carved Roast Beef Mustard Maple Crusted Pork Loin with Apples Dauphinoise Potatoes Glazed Carrots with Dill -* Wild Rice Steamed Broccoli & Cauliflower Florets Cheese & Cracker Tray Jell-O Molds Holiday Fruit Punch Spiced Apple Cider Assorted Pies, Cakes & Holiday Cookies Parkside Cafe December 13th Uam-V-30Pm 91.95 ) 6 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Caffeine - A Safe Energy Boost for Exams? BY AMBER TAYLOR Does caffeine help keep students awake while studying for exams? Caffeine, a bitter white alkaloid often derived from tea or coffee and used in medicine chiefly as a mild stimulant, may help ward off sleepiness.| It is a commonly used drug that has been shown to increase alertness, and improve mood and reaction time. Just like every other stimulant there, caffeine affects everyone a little differently depending on how much you're used to consuming. The best strategy, for both health and grades, is to only drink a cup of coffee or soc when.concentration could use a boost. There are side effects of consuming caffeine. First, caffeine stimulates the central nervous system (including the brain). The brain is the driving force behind the central nervous system. Caffeine also stimulates the cardiovascular system, increasing heart rate and blood pressure, stimulating muscles and increasing urination. Secondly, consuming too much caffeine may result in experiencing jitters, anxiety and headaches. Energy drinks like Jolt, Red Bull, and AMP contain high levels of caffeine and sugar, in addition to other ingredients promoted as energy enhancers (including B vitamins and amino acids). Some energy drinks contain such high levels of caffeine that side effects may result, especially consuming doses higher than one is accustomed to. WebMD.com states, "A person is much better off consuming a can of soda and taking daily multivitamins then drinking an energy drink". The bottom line is that caffeine has been shown to improve concentration and alertness, therefore, it is generally safe to consume a moderate amount of it. Of course, consuming more caffeine than a person is accustomed to may result in experiencing jitters and nervousness. YOUR COULD BE HERE ADVERTISE WITH rnurAt. tain*!* ads@yalioo.i *Pub* * An Irish Pub... With A Rock N Roll Attitude Racine & Kenosha !v ONLY True Irish Pub Corner of Meachem Road & Taylor Avenue in Racine Minutes Away from UW-Parksidel 554-9695 $2.00 Off ALL cover charges with student ID PLUS Every day is Mystery Beer Day! Parkside's favorite Pub for over 6 years Every day Featuring music from bands across the globe including Ireland, Scotland, England, Canada, Australia, Hawaii and almost every other state in the U.S. Mondays Miller Lite Pints - $ 1.50 Tuesdays Pitchers of Miller Lite - $3.50 or Import pitchers - $7.00 Wednesdays $2.00 Long Islands + KARAOKE Thursdays OVER 50 Irish/Scottish Beers & Spirits Home for Live, Local and International Music Please Remember... to have fun, you must be 21! 20 oz. Rails $3.00, 20 oz. Millers $1.75 + Jill the Bartender! Every Friday and Saturday Live local, and International Music! 7 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Illegal File Sharing Targeted In Wave Of New Lawsuits Peer-to-Peer Network Users On Campuses In Massachusetts, Iowa, Virginia and the District of Columbia Sued WASHINGTON~(COLLEGIATE PRESSWIRE)~The music industry's campaign to deter online music theft and foster an environment where legitimate online serv ices can flourish continued today with a new round of copyright infringement lawsuits against 761 illegal file sharers. As before, illegal file sharing on college campuses was a focus. Twenty-five of the lawsuits brought by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), on behalf of the major record companies, were against individuals using a university Internet connection to illegal distribute music files on unauthorized peer-to-peer services such as eDonkey, Limewire and Kazaa. The university networks used by the 25 individuals who were sued today include: American University, Amherst College, Assumption College, Boston College, Boston University, Bridgewater State College, Emerson College, Towa State University, James Madison University, Mount Holyoke College, Northeastern University, and the University of Massachusetts. Caiy Sherman, President, Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), pointed to new partnerships between universities and legitimate music services as an example of the continuing positive developments that have resulted partly from the record industry's legal strategy. "During the fall, we have seen a flurry of additional agreements between schools and legal online music providers," said Sherman. "That's exciting news for the university, students, and all those involved in the creative chain of making and distributing music. The lawsuits are an essential educational tool. They remind music fans about the law and provide incentives to university administrators to offer legal alternatives." "College students are some of most avid music fans," added Sherman. "The music habits and customs they develop now are likely to stay with them for life. If s especially important for us to educate them about the law, the harm suffered by musicians, labels and retailers alike when music is stolen, and the great legal ways to enjoy music online." Sherman also said that the recent study from Ipsos-Insight is a useful reminder that "enforcement is always a means to an end - creating environments where legal businesses can gain a foothold in the marketplace and succeed." November data from Ipsos- Insight showed the percentage of Americans who have paid a fee to download music off the Internet has climbed 150 percent since late 2003. Picture This: Playboy.com Looks to Colleges for the Next Great Photographer NEW YORK-(COLLEGIATE PRESSWIRE)-Nov. 17, 2004-Playboy has showcased the groundbreaking work of the finest photographers in the world for 50 years, including such greats as Herb Ritts, David Lachapelle and Helmut Newton. Now, with Playboy.corn's 3rd Annual College Nude Photography Contest, the web site is looking to America's college students to find the next great photographer. Playboy.com is accepting submissions from full- or part-time college students of 10 or more tasteful female nudes of the same model. Submissions should be visually innovative - a creative new take on Playboy's trademark style of photographing beautiful women/Photographers can be male or female. The model does not need to be a college student but both the model and the photographer must be an appropriate age, which varies from state to Visitwwwplaybov.com/on-campus/collegephoto/ to get official rules (including appropriate ages by state) and to download the necessaiy submission forms. Email submissions of the photos will be accepted however all necessary rights forms must be completed and mailed to Playboy at the following address: Playboy.com College Nude Photography Contest 680 N. Lake Shore Drive Chicago, IL 60611 The winner will receive publication on Playboy.com and a trip to Playboy s headquarters in Chicago for an in-studio photography session with a Playboy model. The deadline for entries is December 31, 2004. Spll^H,---: > mi "• \ LOCATED ON THE WESTERN EDGE OF THE UPPER PENINSULA WAKEFIELD. MI 806 3INDIAN iNDIANHEAfJMTN.COM 8 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 University of Dreams College Internship Program Sees Shifting Trends in Students' Career Choices PALO ALTO, Calif.--(COLLEGLATE PRESSWIRE)- -University of Dreams (http://www.uofdreams.com) is a unique summer internship program that places college students with industry-leading companies. A recent nationwide survey conducted by UofDreams suggests a shift in students' priorities over the past four years towards more interest in meaningful jobs, rather than just jobs with bigname companies. "Securing an internship with a brand-name company used to dominate," said Brad Conner, Intern Program Manager. "But students seem to have a different set of priorities than just a few years ago." Students' priorities, Conner suggests, have shifted toward an interest in gaining experience in a specific field. More than 80% of survey respondents listed a particular industry as the most important factor in their internship search. "Perhaps more significant is that students are placing an increasing emphasis on the role that their boss plays as a mentor. Students have begun to request a proactive boss who will help to coach, nurture, and teach during the internship." University of Dreams is quick to point out that students still want to have it all, but these two elements suggest that they are recognizing the value of on-site professional learningan area in which UofDreams specializes. "Years ago, in the wake of the Internet bubble, we noticed that students were increasingly moving away from the dotcom entrepreneurial path and seeking more stable and meaningful learning opportunities," says company founder, Eric Lochtefeld. Recent data also suggest what parents have known . for year — that college students want more than just a job out of their summer. "Over 70% of our participants have stressed the importance of working in an exciting city, but we have also seen that a majority of college students want to augment their summer experience with real-world learning and travel" Lochtefeld adds. University of Michigan student Stewart McMillan underscored the importance of his well-rounded UofDreams experience: "Initially I was focused entirely on my internship at Merrill Lynch, which wasincredible. But the biggest value of the summer came in the people I met, the valuable seminars, the experience, and the fun weekend excursions. This was the best summer I've had." And, says Lochtefeld, this trend toward a total summer experience is unlikely to stall anytime soon: "Today's college students don't just want some cubicle job; they want a complete experience that will advance their professional and social lives." About University of Dreams University of Dreams is a college internship, travel, and education company committed to helping college students achieve their career and life objectives. With offices in San Francisco, New York, and Virginia, University of Dreams caters to college students throughout the country. UofDreams can be reached through its web site (http:// www.uofdreams.com) or at 703.543.8298. Blue Cross Breaks the Mold by Offering Uninsured "Young Invincibles" New Options THOUSAND OAKS, Calif.«(BUSINESS WIRE via COLLEGIATE PRESSWIRE)--Blue Cross of California's (Blue Cross) affiliate, BC Life & Health Insurance Company, has broken the mold of traditional health insurance offerings by marketing unique health plans tailored to the lifestyle and attitudes of "young invincibles (young adults ages 19 to 29). There are 6.5 million uninsured Californians. Young adults have the highest rate of being uninsured, consistently reported between 30 and 40 percent. "Young invincibles" tend to be people no longer covered by family insurance policies and just beginning to establish their independence. They are also starting their careers and less likely to be offered insurance by their employers. Nearly half of all full-time workers aged 19 to 29 lack employer-based health benefits. Tonik health plans were designed by-and for-"young invincibles," as an effort to expand access to health care coverage for one of the fastest growing uninsured populations in the state and the country. Tonik plans are simple, easy to use and affordable. Tonik covers everyday preventive needs (like routine doctor visits) as well as the more serious medical necessities. Unlike other individual policies on the market, seeing a dentist, getting eye exams, glasses and contacts are all-inclusive within the new benefit design. Curious "young invincibles" can visit and apply for Tonik online at www.tonikhealth.com. Applicants are subject to review and approval for a plan within minutes. Tonikhealth.com is intentionally easy to understand and navigate. There is minimal to no paperwork and if approved, an applicant can print out a custom-designed identification card. "Young adults think of insurance like broccoli," said Steve Synott; general manager of Individual Services for Blue Cross of California. "They Know it's good for them but they don't have a taste for it yet." As a result, many go without it. There are currently an estimated 1.6 million uninsured 19 to 29-year-olds in California. The financial pain of a sports related injury or other unforeseen event can outweigh the physical. Consider the following: an ambulance ride to the hospital is $607; the average cost of a day in the hospital is $7,175; and knee surgery and care is estimated at $48,302. The costs of Tonik plans are painless. They range from $64 to $123 a month, depending upon the plan, the insured's age and where they live. In a unique approach to product development, Blue Cross engaged in a "reverse point-of-view" philosophy by examining the preferences and lifestyles of uninsured young adufis. Blue Cross research indicated that they are interested in health insurance, if it met their needs and was offered at tire right price. "The more research we did to understand this group, the more we became convinced that the 'young invisibles' were willing and ready to take responsibility for their own health care — if they found a plan that fit their needs," said Deborah Laehman, senior vice president of Individual and Small Group Services for Blue Cross of California. Tonik will initially be available only in California and debuts though a series of non-traditional marketing techniques. Go here Here's the deal: one price, no haggling, cash in your pocket for more Important things! This "student discount" offers substantial savings on new Ford Motor Company vehicles based on set prices established by Ford's Employee Purchase Plan There's no catch - it's a unique offer, exclusive to select schools like yours. Save even more when you apply the current national incentives available on the vehicle you select. The best part? You get what you expect. The style and features you want. No-hassle dealer experience A payment that's easy on your wallet and lifestyle. get there It's how you get there! 9 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 "Non-Existent" Cont. From P. 5 Existent played for the first hour of the night and the second hour featured UW-Parkside students displaying a variety of talents. Performers included: An acoustic guitar soloist, poetry readings, violinists, a harmonica player and much more. "TNT's August (PAB's Music Coordinator) has made available an outlet forUWP students to display a variety of talents," Radspinner says. The night wouldn't be complete without singing and celebrating a happy birthday to PAB's own Special Events Coordinator Kristy Radspinner herself. That night she celebrated her 20th birthday. Radspinner went to go introduce Non-Existent, even though all the PAB members were missing-in-action. Out of nowhere, there came the PAB members, along with the audience, singing "Happy Birthday" while carrying out a huge cake. "I was overwhelmed to all they did for me - it meant so much to have so many surprises," Radspinner quoted. Radspinner suggests to anyone interested in performing at a TNT or anyone who lias an event idea to contact August through e-mail at politikal9@msn.com or by call the PAB office at 595-2650. University of Wisconsin-Parkside 6th Annual Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Celebration "Live The Dream!" An Evening Extravaganza Featuring: Essay and Community Awards, Music, and Readings! January 21, 2005 7:00pm Communication Arts Theatre Free and open to the public! For more information contact (262) 595-2731 riW I'j^k Die UntYMfty of Wisconsin- Paitude provides services for palrons wi» special need*. Please contact the Padeide Student Center (or assistance, 1262) 59S-2MS. "Conference on Abuse: Effects of Violent Behavior and Attitudes" Friday, December 10, 2004 8:00 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. UW-Parkside Cinema Featuring Jackson Katz One of America's leading anti-sexist male activists This conference will: • Address ways that violent behaviors and attitudes confine the lives of men and boys as well as impact the lives of women and girls. It is not enough to know the problem exists. • You can translate your awareness of the problem into action and become peer leaders, rather than bystanders, in making your community safer and stronger. Student Discount Fee: $25 - Includes a Continental Breakfast & Lunch (General public rate is $65 per person, group rates available) Snhenit, of WUcoodn 'ARKSIDE For more informatiioonn about the conference, visit www.uwp.edu Keyword "continuing education" or call 262-595-2312. Jackson Katz This Conference is sponsored by: RACINE THE WALL STREET JOURNAL THE WEEK OF NOVEMBER 22, 2004 ' 2004 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. What's News — In Business and Finance NBA Playbook Says Re-Court Sponsors The National Basketball Association swiftly punished players who brawled with fans. Now it is trying" to prevent the bad blood from spreading to its sponsors. NBA officials are contacting sponsors td reassure them the league planned further action to safeguard its image after Indiana Pacers players fought with Detroit Pistons fans in the stands and on the court at a game last Friday. The NBA's strong ties with sponsors and advertisers have helped minimize the fallout. Plus, in handing down some of the longest suspensions in league history—nine players, 143 games and more than $11 million in lost salary-NBA Commissioner David Stern demonstrated he wouldn't let the crisis escalate. But while loyal, longtime sponsors such as Anheuser-Busch, Coca- Cola and PepsiCo's Gatorade have been supportive, the NBA may have a difficult time luring new advertisers. "Advertisers seeking to jump into this sport will be a little bit more cautious now," said one purchaser of media time for advertisers. The risk for sponsors is their being affiliated with an NBA brand whose luster might appear tarnished. Sexual-assault charges, later dropped, against superstar Kobe Bryant were a backdrop for the last NBA season. This year, stories of petulant behavior by NBA players have overshadowed the feel-good stories that defined the league for two decades. Telecoms Fight Plans For Municipal Wi-Fi Dozens of cities and towns across the country are rushing to provide low- or no-cost wireless, or Wi-Fi, Internet access to their residents. But the large phone and cable companies are lobbying state legislatures to make it illegal for municipalities to offer such service. Critics denounce the legislative tactics by the companies, arguing that the U.S. lags behind other countries in broadband Internet access because the phone and cable companies have been slow to roll out the service in some areas. The towns and cities involved say their plans will spur economic development and help bridge the digital divide, making Web access nearly ubiquitous. To the Hoop The top advertisers on NBA br oadcasts January through August 2004. Spending in millions General Motors SABMiller Nissan Motor Verizon Adolph Coots General Electric Anheuser-Busch Toyota Motor DairnlerChrysler McDonald's Source: TNS Media Intelligence/CMR The growth plans of the telephone and cable operators, however, depend heavily on selling Internet connections through their digital-subscriber-line and cablemodem businesses. The telecom companies argue that it is unfair for them to have to compete against the government. Car Won't Start? Make Tour Payment Here is a radical way to crack down on people who fall behind on their car payments: take away the keys. That is what a growing number of lenders and car dealerships are doing in an effort to end the lengthy and expensive cycle of tracking down people who are delinquent and potentially repossessing the car. A small keypad is installed in the dashboard and requires drivers to punch in a code from the lender before the car will start. If you don't pay on time, your code stops working. Starter-interrupt devices are fast gaining popularity among independent auto dealers who carry their own financing. One maker of the gadgets, Gordon Howard Associates Inc., says it has sold about 160,000 of its PassTime devices so far to some 1,600 auto dealers. FCC Says Choice Raises Cable Rates Allowing consumers to choose only the cable stations they want would result in higher monthly bills, and could force smaller networks off the air, according to a study by federal regulators. Congress ordered the Federal Communications Commission study after being inundated with complaints about rising cable rates. Please turn to Next Page What Yon To Succeed Be successful in class and your career with The Wall Street Journal - in p rint and online. Subscribe today! visit subscribe.yrsj.com/student or call 1-800-975-8602. @THE WALL STREET JOURNAL Wal-Mart: As Seen on TV? Discounter Is Subject Of Satire and Scorn; Others See Reflection By ANN ZIMMERMAN and JOE FLINT Companies pay big bucks to get mentioned on TV shows. Then there is Wal- Mart Stores Inc., which could live without much of the free publicity it is getting these days. In recent weeks, a Wal-Mart look-alike played a prominent role in "Without a Trace," the CBS hit crime-drama about Federal Bureau of Investigation agents who track down missing people. The show's store—"Every Mart"—was the employer of a single mother who didn't qualify for health benefits and whose wages were so meager she had to deal drugs to pay for her son's hearing aid. The writers may have called the store by a fictitious name, but by dressing workers in Wal-Mart's trademark blue smocks, the resemblance to the world's No. 1 retailer was unmistakable. This month. Comedy Central's ever-irreverent cartoon "South Park" built an entire episode around a "Wall-Mart" coming to town. Originally met with wild enthusiasm, the new arrival turns the town folk into consumer zombies lured by cheap prices to buy massive quantities of products they don't need. It also turns Main Street into a bombed-out ghost town. At the same time, Wal-Mart's Comedy Central's 'South Park' show recently built an episode around a thinly disguised Wal-Mart coming to town. market muscle and increasing influence on American society make it a favorite topic for news shows. The Bentonville, Ark., retailer was the focus of two recent television documentaries, one on CNBC and one on PBS's "Frontline." "From PBS to 'South Park'—it just shows you how much a part of the culture we are," says Mona Williams, vice president of communications for Wal-Mart. Some see a cultural chasm at play in how television depicts the gargantuan retailer. "People shop at Wal-Mart because they have low prices and great selections and poor people need it, and portraying [the company] as evil is sort of an elitist viewpoint," says John Altschuler, an executive producer on Fox's "King of the Hill." The show features a "Megalo Mart" which competes mercilessly with the small, neighborhood store where Hank Hill sells propane and propane accessories. But "King of the Hill" doesn't ascribe to the "Wal-Martkilling- America" viewpoint, Mr. Altschuler says. It instead focuses on the frustrations of d ealing with the giant stores, such as pushing carts for vast distances, and getting little help from clerks. "Without a Trace" set out to write another kind of social commentary. An executive producer says he wanted to address "a larger issue with corporate America in general being about their bottom line and not about protecting their workers." In the episode in question, the protagonist can't get Please turn to Next Page T h e B e s t F o u r Y e a r s o Y o u r L . f e ^ a r e o v e r ) College Journal.com from THE WALL STREET JOURNAL. Thousands of timely articles, salary tables and tools, plus 30,000+ jobs at the nation's hottest companies. ©2002 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. OOM^QHES.. THE WAT,I, STREET JOURNAL t CMPHJS MM. Now Online: Worst Waits at Airports By SCOTT MCCARTNEY Airport-security checkpoints haven't created the gridlock that some feared-even with new requirements, such as taking off all coats and jackets. But don't mention that to people waiting at Fort Lauderdale's Terminal D. There, the wait at 5 p.m. on a recent Thursday was 63 minutes. At Washington's Reagan National Airport, it took some travelers 59 minutes to get to the front of the line at 7 a.m. on a recent Monday. The Transportation Safety Administration has been under pressure from frustrated airlines and passengers alike to cut screening wait times. While the system is working fairly well overall, at many airports, checkpoints simply aren't able to handle peak periods without long lines. At some airports, such as Washington's Dulles and Los Angeles International's Terminal 1, some lines stretch out the terminal doors and onto the sidewalk. A comprehensive look at airport security wait times this fall finds that many travelers still are waiting 45 minutes or more to get through the screening at peak times. These findings come from a search of the TSA's wait-time database day-by-day, hour-by-hour for some of the largest U.S. airports, covering the period of Oct. 12-Nov. 9. In general, the long waits came early in the morning, when a rush of travelers hits checkpoints, or late in the afternoon when another rush occurs. The analysis suggests that this week-with passenger volume growing and lines being slowed by the new jacket-removal requirement, imposed in September after terrorists in Russia brought down two flights by hiding bombs in jackets— some travelers are likely to encounter nerve-racking waits while heading home for the holidays. Fares are low, and so airports are expected to be crowded for Thanksgiving. The TSA says that lines at many airports actually have been getting shorter, though the agency didn't have hard numbers to show that nationally. "We are consistently reducing wait times at many airports," a spokeswoman says. The TSA posts specific airport wait times on its Web site, www.tsa.gov. The data cover a fourweek period, usually at least a week old. You can search for both the average and maximum wait on a specific hour or a specific day, and see how each checkpoint at an airport fared. What's News- In Business and Finance Wal-Mart: As Seen on TV? Continued from Previous Page health care because the fictional Every Mart chain doesn't let its employees work 40 hours a week. As it happens, Wal-Mart employees who work 34 hours or more a week are considered full-time and are offered health care. Also, hearing aids aren't typically covered by health insurance policies. Finally, Wal- Mart takes issue with the notion that it exploits the working poor. "Hourly jobs like those offered by Wal-Mart and other retail and service providers are generally not designed to support a family," says Ms. Williams, the Wal-Mart official. "Three-quarters of our workers are seniors supplementing their income, students working their way through school or second-income providers." Bob Thompson, director of Syracuse University's Center for the Study of Popular Television, says Wal-Mart is ripe for satire because it is something everybody can understand. The best response for the company, he adds, "is to never address it directly and pummel the culture with a completely alternative vision of themselves." This is precisely what Wal-Mart is attempting to do with its recent barrage of image commercials touting itself as a good place to work and a beneficent community citizen. But according to the sixth annual survey of corporate reputations by market researchers Harris Interactive and the Reputation Institute, a research organization, Wal-Mart fell five notches to 28th place this year. The company does no advertising on Comedy Central, but Wal- Mart's Ms. Williams thinks the channel's "South Park" was "right on target" in its episode featuring "Wall-Mart" Desperate to stop their town from total collapse, the main "South Park" characters- Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartmango to the store's headquarters to learn where the heart of Wall-Mart is so they can kill it. The heart, it turns out, is a mirror. And the local store the town decides to support instead grows from a mom-and-pop to a Wal-Mart-like behemoth. "South Park confirmed that the power behind Wal-Mart is the consumer," Ms. Williams says. "Even if I don't agree with the way they do things, there is frequently a lot of truth in their satire." Continued from Previous Page Fees for a basic package of cable channels have escalated an average of 4.6% annually over the past five years, and expanded cable service is up more than 7% a year. Senate Commerce Committee Chairman John McCain (R., Ariz.) and others have pushed the idea of letting individuals, rather than a cable operator, decide which networks they want. But after reviewing more than 400 comments from cable companies, programmers and consumer groups, the FCC found that only consumers who purchase fewer than nine cable stations would see a reduction in their monthly bill. Since the average cable household watches about 17 channels, including broadcast stations, the FCC concluded that so-called a la carte pricing would raise monthly bills 14% to 30%. SBC and Yahoo Expand Alliance SBC Communications and Yahoo are expanding their partnership to create a slew of joint Internet, video, wireless and phone services, marking the latest step toward a hybrid business that goes beyond the traditional borders among telecom, online and TV companies. Under a new agreement, Yahoo over the next two years will begin to serve as a de facto software platform to link SBC services that exist separately today. SBC customers would be able to tap into a Yahoo portal via a cellphone, PC or TV to do things such as route phone calls, check e-maiL order TV programming and set parental content controls for the Internet or television. Yahoo would provide software for new TV set-top boxes that SBC is developing, as well as for cellphones for angular Wireless, which is 60%-owned by SBC. The first new services are supposed to hit the market Jan. 1. Several of the nation's largest phone companies, including Verizon Communications Inc. and SBC, have begun entering the TV world— countering moves by cable-TV companies, which are accelerating their offerings of home phone service and exploring selling cellphone service. Odds & Ends A possible new case of mad cow disease is being investigated, rattling the nation's cattle industry, food processors and beef-oriented restaurant chains. Tests are under way at the government's national animal laboratories in Ames, Iowa. Results are expected this week. ... U.S. employers' health-care costs rose 7.5% in 2004, much less than anticipated, and are likely to slow even more next year, a new nationwide survey shows. By Jay Hers hey How to contact us: CampusEdition@dowjones.com AT COLLEGEJOURNAL.COM • Step-by-step resume help for college seniors. • Advice on making the transition from campus to corporation. • How to ask your parents for a loan. CONTACT: AVI GREWAI (AD MANAGER] imp ads@yahoo.com 12 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Sports Men's Basketball Team Off To Slow Start BY RUSSELL HARRIS Sports Editor Deacon looks good in UW-Parkside debut On November 15, at Hillsdale, Michigan, the Rangers came back late from a nine-point deficit to take a 71-68 lead with two minutes remaining in the game. However, Hillsdale came back to win, 76-71. The game was tied at halftime, 33-33.The Rangers had four players finish in double figures.Tyrone Deacon, a freshman point guard, and Michigan State transfer, scored 18 points in his UW-Parkside debut. Gareth Malkowski, a junior guard, added 16. Chuck Wesolowski,a junior forward, had 11 points and Brad Ferstenou, scored four points in his collegiate debut. He played for Burlington High School for four years. UW-Parkside shot well from beyond the arc, making 9 of 24 three-point attempts. Deacon and Malkowski both went 4-8 from the three-point line. Ferstenou and Boutelle Show Promise On November 20, the UW-Parkside Men's Basketball Team hosted the Concordia Golden Bears at the DeSimone Gymnasium in their home opener. The Rangers came out cold as they missed their first nine field goal attempts and continued to shoot poorly in the first half. Concordia went on to beat the Rangers, 68-56. The Rangers came back and made a run in this game behind the solid play of a pair of its big men, Brad Ferstenou, a freshman forward and junior center, Kevin Boutelle. Both of these young men displayed some ability, but Concordia went on an 8-0 run late in the second half and UW-Parkside missed four of its shots down the stretch. The Golden Bear's made crucial free throws late in the game to help secure the win. Rangers Learn Against UW-Milwaukee On November 23, the UW-Parkside Men's Basketball Team had another tough challenge. This time, it was against the UW-Milwaukee Panthers (2-0), a Division I school, and the Rangers fell short, 87-50. Despite the loss the Rangers learned a lot, as they did playing against UW-Madison, and played much better than did Division I school Prairie View A & M, which was defeated by the Panthers, 117-55. Those 117-points scored are the most UW-Milwaukee has ever scored in a single game! The Rangers trailed 47-21 at halftime, but were resurgent in the second half and cut the lead down from 26 to 21 points. However, UW-Milwaukee responded and went on a run of their own and never looked back. Gareth Malkowski, a junior guard, scored 14 points while Kyle Clark, a freshman guard, added 13. So the Rangers matched up better than a Division I team did and that definitely shows a lot of promise for this young, upcoming Ranger team. The Rangers gain a lot trom facing Division I teams as they are able to see where their weaknesses are and are able to see what some of their strengths are on the court. Freshman Clark Makes Prescence Known With 16 Points On November 26, the men's basketball team traveled to Quincy University in Illinois in what was both teams Great Lakes Valley Conference season opener. The Rangers trailed early and never fully recovered taking the loss, 88-74. The Rangers shot 41 percent from the field while the Quincy Knights shot 64 percent. Kevin Boutelle, a junior center, led the Rangers in scoring with 17 points. Kyle Clark, a freshman guard, added 16 points while Michigan State transfer, Tyrone Deacon, a freshman point guard, added 13. Women's Basketball Team Hits Ground Running BY RUSSELL HARRIS Sports Editor Kromm & Weir picking up where they left off last season On November 16, the UW-Parkside Women's Basketball team played Olivet Nazarene at DeSimone Gymnasium and won, 90-53. The Lady Rangers started quickly by taking an early 18-3 lead and never looked back. The Lady Rangers led at halftime, 53-12. Carrie Weir, a senior guard/forward, had 23 points, 10 rebounds, and five assists. Last season, Weir finished 15th in scoring (13.4 points) and rebounding (6.0) in the Great Lakes Valley Conference (GLVC). Sammy Kromm, a senior center, added 24 points on 12-15 shooting. She also grabbed 13 rebounds. Kromm was an All-GLVC first-team selection for the second straight season and was chosen to the NCAA Division II All-Great Lakes Region Team. It was the first time that a UW-Parkside woman has been presented with this accolade. Freshman guard, Mackenzie Heise, scored 10 points, displaying some early season luster. Lady Rangers get balanced scoring On November 19, the UW-Parkside Women's Basketball team faced Winona State at the DeSimones Gymnasium on campus in a non-conference game. Using a run that started midway during the first half of play, the Lady Rangers won, 66-45. Senior guard/forward, Carrie Weir, scored 13 out of her 16 points in the second half and UW-Parkside shot well from the perimeter, which opened up the inside. Sophomore guard, Ashley Ferguson, scored 12 points and senior center, Sammy Kromm, added 10. Freshman guard, Kim Murphy, was 5-5 from the field and was 2-2 from the free throw line, which gave her 12 points. The team has now begun to play its Great Lakes Valley Conference games. Lady Ranger's Defense Plays Role In Loss To Grand Valley State UW-Parkside loses despite 25 from Kromm On November 22, the UW-Parkside Women's Basketball Team hosted the Grand Valley State Lakers in a non-conference game at tire DeSimone Gymnasium and were defeated, 80-67. The Lady Rangers trailed by 12 points at halftime. This was UW-Parkside's final game before they begin Great Lakes Valley Conference play against the Quincy Lady Hawks in Illinois. The Lakers shot over 50 percent from the floor. UW-Parkside's senior center, Sammy Kromm, scored 25 points and added five rebounds. Kromm scored 16 of her points in the first half. Junior guard, Carrie Schieve, tossed in 20 points, with 14 of those coming in the second half. Schieve scored 12 of her 17 points in the second half. UW-Parkside shot over 50 percent from the field in the second half on 15-28 shooting. However, UW-Parkside was outdone on the boards. But the main factor was the Lady Rangers' inability to stop the Lakers when they had chances to get back into the game. Grand Valley State had a 10-point lead and UW-Parkside couldn't cut the gap, allowing the Lakers to continue to score as they fought to get back into the game. Women's Basketball Team Takes Tough Loss Against Knights Weir scores 27 points on 13-19 shooting On November 26, the UW-Parkside Women's Basketball Team played in what was both teams first Great Lakes Valley Conference season opener at Quincy University in Illinois. The Lady Rangers played a wonderful first half and held a 30-24 lead at halftime, but the Knights fought back in the second half regaining the lead and never looked back. The Lady Rangers were held in check as they only shot 25 percent from the field in the second half. Senior guard/forward, Carrie Weir, scored 27 points and was 13-19 from the field! No other UW-Parkside player reached double figures. The Knights won 64-44. 13 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Runnin' Rangers Lace Em' Up At Nationals UW-Parkside Men's Wrestling Team Schedule, 04'-05' BY RUSSELL HARRIS Sports Editor On November 20, the UW-Parkside Women's Cross-Country Team went to Indianapolis, Ind., to compete in the Division II National Championships. The team was consistent and took 19th in a field of 24 teams. UW-Parkside's Emily Junion finished in 104th place with a time of 24:18 while running the 6,000m course, which was moist from rain. Michelle Boldon, junior, ran a time on that course that was a minute better at 23:15, which put Boldon in 44th place. Tiff Belongia, junior, had the next best time at 24:28 placing 117th. Heidi Anderson, freshman, and Naomi Bong, freshman, finished 128th and 142nd respectively. The Runnin' Rangers had another terrific season under Head Coach, Mike DeWitt, and the entire student body and faculty at UWParkside congratulates them on a job well done! Next year's team will include many returning runners including Anderson, Bong, Junion, and Boldon. Nov. 13 UW-Steven's Point Open 9 a.m. Nov. 20 Concordia Open 9 a.m. Dec. 2 Lakeland College Triangular 6 p.m. Dec. 4 WISCONSIN OPEN 9 a.m. Dec. 7 Midwest Classic 2 p.m. Jan. 8 Midwest Classic 9 a.m. Jan. 15 UW-Oshkosh Open 9 a.m. Jan. 21 NCAA II National Duals t.b.a. Jan. 22 NCAA II National Duals t.b.a. Jan. 26 UW-Steven's Point 7 p.m. Feb. 4 Wheaton Invitational 2 p.m. Feb. 5 Wheaton Invitational 9 a.m. Feb. 9 UW-OSHKOSH 7 p.m. Feb. 11 Minnesota State-Mankato 7 p.m. Feb. 27 NCAA n MIDWEST REGIONAL 11 a.m. March 11 NCAA II Nationals t.b.a. March 12 NCAA II Nationals t.b.a. Home Matches Are Bolded and In All-Caps Turn negative stress into sweet success! Learn tricks of the trade to relieve stress from breathing techniques to r-qlming scents to stress balls. So let go of those splitting headaches and come RELAX! It's Coming! PAB's Annualcasino Night 7pm Union Square Thursday, Jan. 20 th Sweet treats will be served! ¥fP For more information call 595-2200 r stop by Student Activities, Union 209 L EADE RS HI P S E RI E S - » Sponsored by Student Acrivrae. 11 V ' \!i& RSVP by December 6 to Union 209, x2200 or espin019@uwp.edu mark the Date! KARAOKE The Entertainment Sectkm Is Co rreotty to Need Of The following; Horoscope Writer, Write 12 different predtctiGnsfof each astrological si#. Every two weeks Cartoonist; l^<mtedard«wt»ms»j^thepwwthonecar^K>nf<»evefyiss«e.Everi'twowe^a. Music Critic: :••*• Sememe opinionated who KNOWS music and can make a good argument for or against an album. : Movie Critic: f Same as above, only movies. We my be able to m m up regularly » Dummies Rule! December 4, 2004 y^ft's nothing new. Bush won. However, for those of you who still have *Keny/&lMaitis* your bumpers, here's a little seiace. CNN recently reported the top ten smartest and dumbest states in the natron, based on the findings of the Educational State Rankings (by Morgan Quinto Press.) So who voted for who? Smartest LMassachtrssets 2, Connecticut 3. Vermont 4 New jersey 5. Wisconsin 6. New York 7. Minnesota 8. low® 9. Pennsylvania 10. Montana Dumbest L New Mexico 2. Nevada 3, Arizona 4! S.l 7. j 4 California 9. Hawai Boathouse Pub - Wed. $ 8pm Harbor limits - Tue./Ffi. @ 9:30pm fU»s • Wed./8pm & m./mQprn Tohin Creek-Wed. Nights Middle Branch Saloon -Wed. Nights Mr,G's-Tue.#9pm Tlie Ranger News Is always la neeH of new writers, but for these of you who need a push, here you go: The Ranger News will be attending a college newspaper convention in San Francisco this February. Staff members who show dedication and ambition are encouraged to apply to go to the convention. Meetings are held on Mondays at noon in Wyllie D139C (across from the Career Center. Staff members who are interested in the San Francisco convention should write a 500-word essay detailing what they want to get out of it and what they would bring back to the newspaper. The deadline for essays is noon on Monday, December 8. Turn essays in to Henry Gastrins, editor-in-chief of The Ranger News, in Wyllie D139C. The Ranger News will cover airfare, hotel, and the cost of registration at the convention. New staff members or people considering working for the newspaper should apply. 15 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 You might be asking yourself why it took me five years to write this review. Truth is: I never really thought it was worth it, until finally realizing that I can't go on any longer with my arms crossed and my eyes closed while Christina and Britney bombard the airwaves with sh*t. Therefore, I have gathered all my notes about this band Cafe Tacuba, all that I know about their 1999 release "Reves/Yosoy", and have compiled it into this teeny article, which I hope, pays them the homage they well deserve. Fact is that even though this album is about five years old, no other band has come out with anything comparable to it; there isn't one band I can think of that has the creativity and the chops that these guys have, (The Flaming Lips, The Roots, and Outkast come close.) To say that Cafe Tacuba is amazing would be an understatement. In today's world, freedom of creativity in music comes with a price: not making it in the mainstream. It's no wonder that American bands don't have the mentality or the balls to make an album like this; Seems that British rockers are the only ones who have caught on to the trend. The Beatles did it and See "Cafe Tacuba" on page 19 ABCB • Good, Clean Fun It is often said that there isn't much to do in Racine and Kenosha Counties for college students besides bar hopping or house partying. It is unfortunately pretty true. But slowly businesses have been opening up which offer entertainment for students who are either too young to get into bars, or are just not into the drinking scene. In Racine, ABCB Cafe, named after a real tea house in Japan that shows family-style anime, has opened up as an answer to the "what do you want to do tonight" dilemma. ABCB is a privately owned cafe at 322 6th St. (corner of 6th Street and College Avenue) in the Downtown Racine Art District. They feature live bands, poetry jams, open mic nights, anime showings on their projection screen, and other entertainment which encourages young and "old" alike to join together and have a good time while bypassing expensive alcoholic beverages and the undesirable side effects. In addition to being a great place to have fun on weekend nights, it is open all week and provides a calming atmosphere conducive to studying and conversing on any level See "ABCB" on page 19 LAYOUT: (From enirance) SmaB stage to the right big wooden booths and pool in the rear. Small area but it doesn't feel cramped. DECOR' Kenosha bar owners: Come here and learn a thing or two. This place is ' disgustingly charming. Read "Special", continued below... MUSIC:' Good live band ™ old men w/ guitars & a saxophone THE CROWD" Vourtg & business-ey looking, with the exception of t wedding party and 2 cowboys. SPECIAL: CONGRATULATIONS IVANHOE!!! You get the "Best-Looking Bar* Award! Tall ceilings, neat light fixtures, old advertisements, very attractive bartenders, clean bathrooms...wait for it. NO NASCAR OR PACKERS DECOR! (<~Not lying) Comeon, they even had a nice doorman. {IVANHOE is the first Rate The Place bar to receive a vwrfl-deserved A< • illlllllllllllilllll —— 16 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 Women's Center, Black Student Union focus on Hip Hop and the Representation of Gender od BY NICHOLAS MICHAEL RAVNIKAR Professor Katherine Gregory asked students to ask themselves how social inequalities reproduce themselves, in an open discussion on women and hip-hop November 17inMolinaro 105. Gregoiy's power point presentation, entitled "Gender and Hip Hop Culture" evaluated the passivity of US consumers - specifically students who've matured immersed in hip-hop. "I'm not proclaiming a truth here," Gregoiy qualified. "I'm saying it's an issue we need to take a look at." She posed questions to the audience relating to the function and mediation of social power along gender lines, emphasizing that masculinity and femininity are social constructions. Pointing to the "cool posturing" and hyper-libido of rappers like 50 Cent and Jay- Z, the backgrounding of women as sexual props, as well as the discrete presentation of marijuana as a "symbol of pleasure, alternative economy and social interaction," Gregoiy wondered whether this was either a reflection of, or a projection upon, public life. She asserted that often the mass media outlets and audio-video production labels broadcast images of women of leisure. "Empowered" women are usually presented outside of the domestic sphere. Gender bending sometimes occurs when images of women dressed in male attire produce an aesthetic of power, she suggested. A number of students sat as panel members, though the distinction between panel and audience - like the line between subject and object, as Gregoiy asserted - blurred. "I just watch [the videos] for what they are: entertainment." one young man said. "Besides, some of these cats - they're acting like gangstas ... they ain't gangstas. The president, now he's a gangsta." Other students however, seemed to be in strong opposition. "You can see Kanye [West] rapping about how he dropped out of college, and kids see that. They know." one young woman said fervently, continuing, "Then they think, 'Oh, I can drop out of college and make it big as a rapper, 'cause Kanye did it.' People in the public eye need to set better examples for the youth." One student, Quiana Jennings, thought that it was important for parents to spend time discussing these issues with their children. PSGA Women's Issues coordinator Katie Smith agreed. In a discussion on WIPZ's Arts and Culture Diversity Supplement "Air Conditioning," she said, "There's a certain hierarchy imposed that maintains those constructions." She pointed out that, across the nation, women make an average of 73 cents to the male dollar. And that women make up 70 percent of all global poverty. "But it's not so much a 'women's' issue as it is a human issue. Men and women should be concerned about these things," she advocated. In her presentation on November 17, Katherine Gregoiy explained that the contradictions we consume might be viewed as a locus of ideological straggle for working out the issues of sexism, racism and classism - as well as formulating resistance to the dehumanizing aspects of cultural commodification. Perhaps the moral is that by simply recognizing the distance between what is represented (either glorified or belittled) by the media and the reality of our own fives and communities, we would initiate a modest erosion of the social constraints that choke self-determination. Long story short? Too late for that: Question consumption. bonJOURNallSM: Putting the "Anal" Back into Analysis BY RICHARD STANZ Not only the dignity of our American madness and stiff dysfunction of idiom recede from view; but facts remain supine, dead weight. There's a conversation going on about the determination of sexuality through political party preference: Gay Republicans? I think that people have the right to petition the revision of public norms. We've met the Canadians and are fully aware of their nationality. Most of our words get spent like our money. You can't say, "God, on Nickelodeon. Metaphor by metaphor, science makes funerals. There is despondency in the voice of the television. I've been tiying to place that smell. The television spit back Hook: "You need a mother veiy veiy badly." Why doesn't gov't have not-for profit status? Questioning is the first step toward reproduction. "The individual's mind is the epitome of justice," she continued. "No wait, erase that." Rumor is that one of us went AWOL. "I won't regrei you." is the best thing anyone can say. Just accept people for what We am. So, who's in charge? Notice quotes for time gaps. The living function of obesity is to tend toward definition. A sit-com glows, yet we're still broke. She flipped her hair and abandoned her lips. Decontextualize an image of idealization yourself in police scanner karma. One-eight-seven on your knee-high 'do. By closing site progress, you disinvite loss advance. Thank goodness for properly. I think I know what you might be saying: "It's all garbled. I can understand it but I can't understand it." Well, what do you mean? Conversation is a form of commerce, and this is NOT your filibuster. Dialogue can't be impractical. There is always a furor over love. Let fear and faith be considerate: think. Historical contexts dissected, nothing appears to change much about politics. Morality can do that: integrity, monogamy, problem solving. I'm paraphrasing, of course. Do not be failed by representation. Everyone desires life. Why gov't but function? (We will see ourselves in entropy.) Every complex is particular. Who could know you without fame? We do because we like to feel normal. Hi, God. "Nobody's really going to read this are they?" Their eyes See "ANAL" page 15 17 "Anal" corn, from p. 12 echoed out of their skulls, still as queers in Texas. Who's legislate? "...one Asian, underground. Vietnam'able. Sixteen fragged." (O Nostalgia, will they ever learn?) Political action reacts too, so get serious. "On a drive away from the teetering question maik, we became jilted." If you want to assert your perspective, go on ahead, homey. No disagreement without penetration. It's all tiddlywinks. I assert complication. "Is that Karl with a C or Cad with a K?" I neve heard it. Maybe. The Revolutionaiy wars never happen on a stage. 'Good journalism' is like bad correspondence: you just can't get the picture. IF you are interested In contributing your creative writing, Visual Art or Commentary To the Arts & Culture Section, Please Contact The Editor At Flaccid revolution@Hotmail.com The Ranger News December 4, 2004 BY NICHOLAS MICHAEL RAVNIKAR UW-Parkside is advertised as one of the most diverse of the UW system campuses, with a moderately sized international student population and a number of students from a variety of other ethnic, cultural and linguistic backgrounds. Englishis notthe only language being spoken on campus. Walking the halls from Union to Comm. Arts, one can hear various dialects of Spanish, Arabic, Malayalan, Japanese, German and myriad other idioms. However, all of the classes here require that papers and homewoik be written in English. The Tutoring Center is developing Writing English as A Second Language (WESL) initiative to meet the academic needs of UW-Parkside's diverse population. The program consists of tutors with a wide variety of cultural and Two Poems Written Around The Same Time: Parts 2 and 3/4 BY MIKE CYZAK Screaming eagle, my ears burn restraint, burst into inactiontwitch kneed, tight jawed, rippled uptown, frown, "sick of you" face, deep seeded seat plowed into foxhole bombardment, shards of tremored torso disjointed to the upper-from how I am now facing. & B eL g ft CL o. Cu linguistic backgrounds assisting other students with their study and English skills. Issam Ismaili, a tutor and native speaker of Arabic, said, When a student who comes from different country or who speaks another language is trying to write a different paper, they try to translate their ideas from one language to another. That's really difficult." Ismaili remembered being in a similar situation, and said that he wishes he would've had something like the WESL program available to him. Another tutor, Natalie Dunton, said, "If you can speak the same language as another person, that only helps. It's a common element in expressing thought in the 'proper' English manner. But it's not a one-way street." She suggested that there are things to be learned by both the tutor and the person being tutored. Jacquely n Haley -Renauld, coordinator of tutoring in the Learning Support and Student Support Services, supports the students and the tutors in thenproject. "It's really about giving students ownership of their ideas in a different language." Academic Advisor and professor Theron Snell commented that, in many cases, there is a kneejerk reaction among professors to diagnose writing issues as an ESL problem. Snell, who wrote the article "Academic Adjustment: Beyond Language," and was published in The Advising Quarterly's summer 2001 issue reminded, "You have a set of values that are embedded in language and in culture. That's not to say that students don't struggle with language." "But it may be more of a cross-cultural issue,' he went on, "That accompanies or is accompanied by language difficulties. ESL can tend to be a sort of surface reaction." He quoted Milton Bennet, a cross-cultural communications "guru" as saying, "You can be a fluent fool," going on to mention, "Grammar organizes the way you look at the world. It's a lens you have to master. It's not simply learning a language. But there are people out there (...) who think, 'Ya gotta lurn inlish good.' It's my contention that there are some language issues, but that ESL might be a quick gloss over a more complex of an issue." "None of this says that ESL classes or programs are bad," he continued, "But seting up a program like that will require professionals in the field." Snell's article suggests that focus on the learning process itself is fundamental to many students' (and teachers') difficulties. He argues that as students begin to use different "methodologies, they stop defining the professor's role as that source of the right answer and more as a guide or partner in the learning process. "They stop looking for the right answer and focus more upon the reasoning involved. They become central in their own learning process [and] cross cultures in the way they study as well as in the way they use the material. They move beyond language." If students were to demand this sort of comprehensive support from administration, Snell thinks that it would "require a sizeable commitment of resources." The program that the Tutoring Center has in place utilizes existing tutors as a supplement to students' curriculum, according to director Haley-Renauld. 18 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 100 Words or Less You know what always makes me crazy? The fact that half the time I go to Java Coast before my 10 a.m. philosophy class they are out of coffee. What's up with that? I go there to get my "pick me up'" coffee so I can stay awake in class and all that's left is a half cup or decaf. Who wants decaf coffee? What's the point? It doesn't wake you up. It doesn't make you more alert. All I want is a cup of regular coffee. Is that too much to ask? -Concerned Java Head While I understand the importance that a well-rounded education carries in today's social and economic environment, I'd like to take a chance to rail the university for its institutionally. Let it be known that I hold no grudge against any individual of the system; however I find its rhetorical posture of generality in numerous policies (29,49, and 43 come to mind) absolutely useless. I wish that PSGA, Student Union and Facilities would organize themselves to demand more intellectual and academic integrity from the bureaucratic structure we, by proxy, must work under. —Anonymous After recently visiting the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay campus, the lack of care for the environment my fellow UWParkside students show has become blatantly apparent. I went to throw away some trash after lunch in Green Bay and after peering into the trash and recycling containers I realized that everything that could be in a recycling container was in one. When I look into the recycling containers here at Parkside or when I watch someone throw away their trash here, veiy rarely do I see them take advantage of the recycling containers. I just wish that since they are already provided for us and since they are right next to the waste containers that Parkside students would take some responsibility upon themselves and use them. —Conscious Student I have a new idea for Parkside Activities Board. Since it's rare that more that 12 people ever show up to any of their events, they should make their job as an organization on campus to set up events for other student organizations. They could be event specialists, so that when PSGA or WIPZ has an idea for an event, they could send it to PAB, and PAB could put their hard work into programmrng and publicity for all student orgs, not just random events that they put on. -Suggesting Student Any member of the UW-Parkside community can write 100 words or less for publication in this column, including a name is optional unless the writer is making a statement against an individual, in which case including a name is necessary. Slanderous, libelous, or misleading submissions will not be printed. E-mail your submissions to rangernews@uwp.edu with the subject "100 Words." By Herny Gaskins There is often much debate about opinions and editorials in newspapers. Most publications have the desire to remain as objective and unbiased as possible. So how can opinions and editorials be accepted in news? They can't. That said, it is not unreasonable to have a separate section, away from the news and strictly factual reporting of any publication, that puts out opinions and editorials. Almost every newspaper does it, including what is arguably the most responsible and most well-respected newspaper in the world: The New York Times. More debate comes into play when a person raises the question of a newspaper's objectivity. While the question is valid, it must be understood where the opinions and editorials are found in the publicatioa Facts are facts, so if a writer is reporting news, then his or her comments have no place in the story. But if it is an opinion column, then obviously that is exactly why the reader is reading it; to hear a perspective on a certain subject. Responsible writers (and I would venture to say only responsible writers are hired for opinion and editorial columns) will expose all parts of what they argue, explaining why they take the stance they do. An opinion column that is one sided and only written for the writer's agenda will only make the reader roll his or her eyes. But a writer who is exposing all parts of what any reasonable human could connect with is a writer who can make people think. That is the idea, anyway. Opinions & Editorials By Preston Brown Having an opinion section in a newspaper can be helpful when used correctly, but most of the time it serves as a forum for rants that end up the same place they begin, simply being complaints. Do such forums have a place in journalism? Historically yes, but that doesn't necessarily make them a good idea. We often see people writing in to newspapers to vent about issues that have been bothering them, while little else is done to act on what they are complaining about. Although this is not always the case, we usually see somebody drunk with the power of print, trying to impress their own personal agenda on others. Does that sound like journalism? Well, not to me. Journalism is suppose to be an objective observation of something that is or has occurred. It is usually relevant to a community or specific group of people whose interests are kept in mind and represented. Although opinions have their place in the world, it doesn't seem like it lies in the realm of facts. Possibly in a magazine or online, but certainly not with credible news. Everybody needs a forum to vent their frustrations, with this I agree, but not with the credible news stories. Although it is ultimately up to the readers to decide what they want to read and where, I'd like to think that the novelty of listening to complaints has worn off in this society. Since this article is nothing more then an opinion in itself, I can safely say that I might be wrong. 19 The Ranger News December 4, 2004 CLASSIFIED ADS r>«r D , (262) 595-2287 U uwp_ads@yahoo.com X OllCG BCflt Classified Ad Rates 30 words for $5.00 and $0.25 for every additional word. Spring Break 2005- Travel with STS, America's #1 Student Tour Operator to Jamaica, Cancun, Acapulco, Bahamas and Florida Now hiring on-campus reps. Call for group discounts. Information/ Reservations 1-800-648- 4849 or www. ststravel. com. "Questions about abortion? Make an informed choice. Call Alpha Center 637-8323 Work at home at your convenience and become debt free and financially secure! Outstanding income potential with no investment or sales. Call 262-632- 5401 anytime. I'll help you build your business! "Cafe Tacuba" cont. from p. 11 so did The Who; most recently, Radiohead, Blur, and Coldplay. But, when Cafe Tacuba, clearly the best rock band in the history of Mexico, became bored with their old pencils, they didn't hesitate to reinvent their music by picking up pens. They decided to lock themselves up in a secret location in Mexico City, where, for many days and nights, they challenged their creativity by playing weird music they enjoyed. The demos turned out to be ridiculously awesome, and though they had not been intended for release, the record label convinced the four young men to attach them in a separate disc to their already poppy disc of songs, resulting in "Reves/Yosoy" ("Backwards/1 Am.") Thank goodness for their release, for the final outcome was like a coin with two similar sides, intriguing, competitive, and certainly one of the most exciting albums of the last 30 years. And with that said, you are now asking yourself, "What do I care about a Spanish speaking band?" Don't be a close-minded weenie: "Oh, I don't like mariachi." "I'd rather listen to the good singers like Shakira and Ricky." Well, fine, be that way, but keep in mind that you're missing out on The Beatles of your generation. They've played the Conan O'Brien show, written about in the New York Times, and even Madonna tried signing them to her label. Not good enough? Well perhaps looking into the future might help. When future generations (your grandchildren) come to you seeking the knowledge of Cafe Tacuba, you'll have to sigh and blush as you tell them that you were too busy listening to Eminem and Nelly. My point is: these guys aren't just good, they are really good, and to go on living without ever giving this band an opportunity to rock your headphones- a pity. About the albums: Yosoy, though full of pop lyrics and melodies, is in no way simple, as Joselo Rangel's voice seeps into your skin and flails away with snaky melodies. This guy gives you absolutely everything, from valor to wisdom. But it's Reves that proves you are in the presence of greatness. Definitely the more interesting of the two albums, it takes your ears into a valley of unimaginable sounds. The minute you hear the 5/4 stomp of the opening song, you know you are in for a treat. With the help of the Kronos Quartet sawing away at dissonant metal and surf guitar sounds, it won't be long before you submit to these math-rock geniuses. Well, there you have it folks. Cafe Tacuba might only sell 40,000 copies of this album (which is undeistandable in the world that we live today, where good music gets sh*t wages and sh*t music goes gold), but if you are lucky enough to get your hands on a copy of this album, even if you burn it from a friend, beware that it may never leave your CD player. Cafe Tacuba: At a Glance Joselo Rangel: guitar, vocals Enrique Rangel: bass, contrabass, jarana, guitar, vocals Emmanuel del Real: piano, clavinet, mellotron, programming, vocals, keyboard Ruben Albarran: vocals, guitars, keyboard Data collected by Amber Taylor 11 -4-04 What were they thinking? Traffic accident. CART Lot. 1:52 p.m. A citation was issued to a driver for inattentive driving. 11-4-04 Bang! Crash! Agency assist. CTH A/CTH Y. 4:09 p.m. Kenosha Joint Services requested assistance to an injury traffic accident. 11-5-04 How sick can a person get? Alann. Health Services. 5:29 a.m. Officers were dispatched to Health Services for a fire alann. No sign of smoke or fire. Alarm was reset. 11-6-04 Sweet Dreams! Unauthorized presence. MOLN. 5:20 am. Officers found a male suspect sleeping in a classroom. 11-6-04 Happy Birthday to who? Fire. Ranger Hall. 9:51 p.m. Officers were dispatched to an active fire alarm in Ranger Hall caused by a burning candle. 11-15-04 Keeps going and going... Traffic violation. Outer Loop Rd/Wood Rd. 8:49 p.m. A citation was issued to a driver for failure to stop/improper stop at a stop sign. 11-16-04 Illegal play on the field Traffic violation. CTH A/CTH G. 2:17 p.m. A citation was issued to a driver for driving with suspended plates. 11-17-04 Take it easy! Batten. 12:58 p.m. A citation was delivered to a subject for assault behavior. 11-17-04 Walk! That's why we were blessed with feet and legs! Theft personal property. Ranger Hall Lot. 11:30 p.m. A student reported a parking permit was removed from his vehicle without permission. 11-18-04 Risky business. Liquor violation. University Apartments. 11:50 p.m. A citation was issued for underage drinking. 11-19-04 Dish out the dough! Liquor violation. Ranger Hall. 12:08 a.m. A citation was issued for underage drinking. 11-19-04 Late for work? Alarm. WYLL. 8:15 a.m. A security alarm was set off by an employee. Alarm was silenced and reset. 11-21-04 Hope they're okay. Medical assist. CART. 6:09 p.m. Rescue was called to CART for a faculty member. "ABCB" cont. from p. 11 from PC games to physics. The coffee shop has a non-smoking section in front with face tables and two dining room style tables, a stereo and a TV. The back area is for smokers and has couches, coffee tables, a dining room table, a TV and stereo. Some events coming up are: December 4, at 6 p.m., there will be five bands including: Junction_31, Figaro, Giving Up Holden and Wrong From Right. The cover chaige is $5. On December 10, ABCB is hosting a food drive for Christmas. There will be live music and they will be taking names of needy families in the Racine and Kenosha area to give the food and money they collect. The cover for that show is $2 and a non-perishable food item. The normal weekend schedule, when there aren't special events is open mic night on Fridays and anime night on Saturdays. ABCB serves cafe beverages (latte, mocha, chai tea, espresso, etc.), regular coffees, soda, juice and milk. They also offer food like hot dogs, polish sausage, homemade soups, chili, popcorn, nachos and ice cream. Simple breakfasts of scrambled eggs, sausage, ham and bacon are served from 7-9 a.m. Hours are Monday'-Thursday 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.; Friday-Saturday 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. and Sunday 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Patsy, owner of ABCB, is open to suggestions and opinions on entertainment options, or questions. She is almost always at the cafe, or she can be reached by phone at 262-632-1845 or 262-989-8768. Written & Created by the Satirical Writers Guild VOLUME ISSUE The State #1 News Source For Parkside Students A recent report done by the Associated Press concluded that The State is the number one news source for Parkside students. When interviewed, local students seemed to echo the report, praising The States objective reporting. "It's just a good place to get my news," says student Brent Chadworth. "They recently had a story that claimed that Walmart still sucked. I might have actually gone to shop at Walmart, but thanks to The State, I know it still sucks." The State's editors could not be reached for comment, but their answering machine message stated... Hello. You've reached the National Warlock hotline. For general information on warlocks, press 1. For information on ritual sacrifices, press 2. To perform a ritual sacrifice over the phone, press 3. If you've stumbled across this number accidentally, press 4, and feel the full force of our wrath. To join the National Association of Warlocks, press 5. If you're already a member, and have recently had your membership revoked due to abuse of power, press 6 thrice. For other inquiries, hang up now, and we'll contact you telepathically. The State, founded by outcast monks, has been in print since 1849, and before that was only available by spoken word, passed down orally from generation to generation, whereby stories and articles were sung in a Chaucerian-like verse. Written & Created by the Satirical Writers Guild The State #1 News Source For Parkside Students State Loses To Ranger In Dodgeball Tournament Itx vf tcoi t*r «e AntttrM IV.v- mr± bSo4 -to IMMUt MW|t M HOh. Xc'ts .VX-w.' /frcMft if*. . »v* •*nA S*mi «*>*• ««*» The Stxe Ml N ews SOUK* For Parfcvkte Suxfcwts a.% :~?:e •x:£«%K. : W••••I,;U n ;.'vr •sSF-iSSBiSW* *a*s crj-fficjttfJcjvpr VMiB i«o»tWc-lvwW v :d x« ir« - fOMbli>ew .rt-e.c clm »y> w .tv .a 0«a-*' : vtoT V'.* ***)*.**«*« I»W ? ita Afrop <Aiw<f.* wjT V > t AShfe -fti -fe w ,> *dc t-'w«Jck*r « *V- .ko-l SMvC5T* M« ,r.tcoel wo jb * ftww *»••**,i wa- KJ<* viu ft* Sio< « a, v toM-Joo; v**c4»x. CIWtwTIWM , D tStr-Thrj Bar* . U*a! T«»» i P oWcal StMment , Pit* OfckwW Dcwn IsMCan, ewet riecwofcifewA | uafe u*„ inatvi at Loral Rtmrnat. 1lTOtitf.dJ» j YOU sarcasm | BadNants j Messenger protse j Sa la State Loses To Ranger In Dodgeball Tournament In a surprising upset Thursday afternoon, The Ranger defeated The State in the first annual Parkside Student Media Tournament Of Champions. The battle for the coveted title, consisting of three, no-holdsbar games of dodge ball, the first team to win two games crowned champion, was both close and brutal. The first game was taken by The Ranger. "A combination of teamwork and cheating led them to this win," said State writer John Pagac. Editor in Chief of The Ranger Henry Gaskins reported The State to be "sore losers" in this bout. The second game of this glorious event was easily taken by The State. When asked about the win, Andy McDonald of The State, credited it to the abundant use of witchcraft. "Remember, we're warlocks," said McDonald. The third game, however, was much more gruesome. Limbs were detached, blood was spilled. The Ranger won this game by technical default. Most members of team Ranger were not able to "walk away" when the game was concluded. However, two-thirds of The State disappeared into thin air. Preston Brown, Assistant Editor for The Ranger was quoted to say, "One minute they were there and the next — GONE!" The remaining members of The State strolled casually off the court, thus allowing The Ranger to be considered victorious. Christmas-Themed Pornography Used Through July Drive-Thru Bank Teller Can't Detect Your Sarcasm Local Teen Giving Necrophiliacs A Bad Name Political Statement Made Using Instant Messenger Profile Price Dickered Down at Local Rummage Sale THE STATE Despite Unbelievably Low Prices, Wal-Mart Still Sucks BENTONVILLE. BEN I ONVILLE, AAKK -- DDeessnpiiftee iittss: rrPempuiftaattiiAonn ff/%or* \£ • . r t . .... prices far below those of competitors, Wal-Mart still sucks, sources indicate. Recent studies have shown that while the public is outraged with Wal-Mart's business practices concerning labor and ethics, its low, low prices are too tempting to ignore. "I heard that, like, Wal-Mart forces kids to work in sweatshops in Bangladesh or something," said one campus student while shopping for clothes. "I mean, look at this - fifteen bucks for a pair of pants. Even though some twelve-year-old in Honduras probably sewed it together at the crack of a whip in an unventilated warehouse, it's like half as much as I would pay at Sears." Polls show that Americans are vaguely aware of the ethical questions raised by Wal-Mart's practices, but continue shopping there anyway Richard Collins, a Federal Human Rights Investigator, spoke Thursday on the issue. "Wal- Mart has factories on the Island if Saipan in the Mariana Islands, which is technically a U.S. Commonwealth," said Collins. "This way, they can say their products are made in the USA... however, they don't have to follow minimum-wage laws. This allows them to maintain their standard of providing hard-working American families with the goods they need at prices they can afford." Not only does Wal-Mart obtain products through cruel child labor, but the mere presence of a Wal-Mart store in a town is enough to drive out local business. "Yeah, it's been real hard getting along since I lost my job at the shoe store," said Duncan Greeber, currently unemployed. "Pretty much the only way I get by is by taking advantage of the insanely affordable products offered by the local Wal-Mart. On the fixed income of federal unemployment checks, I would never have survived had it not t *3n for Wal-Mart. Of course, I wouldn't have lost my job, either. God bless you, Sam Walton!" Dorm Room Playboy Poster Angled Perfectly Over Bed Chuck Dobber, resident of Parkside's dormitories, has angled a poster featuring Playboy playmate Colleen Marie perfectly over his bed. "It's really amazing," says Dobber. "I didn't use a level or a right angle or anything It's almost as if it was meant for this angled ceiling." The poster, given to the UW sophomore as an early Christmas gift, features Marie spread-eagle on a bed, wearing a red, Santa Claus hat and nothing else. "The poster just brings a little Christmas cheer to the room," says Dobber. "I would have hung it up in September, but it would have just seemed out of season." Disneyland Secedes From Earth Michael Eisner, CEO of Disney announced Disneyland's secession from the planet Earth last week. Twenty-three international Disneyland locations, including the largest Disneyland, located outside Lagos, Nigeria, activated their gravitic thrusters, boosting themselves into orbit, permanently separating themselves from the planet Earth. As the Disneylands reached the upper atmosphere, they joined, forming Mega-Disneyland. In his speech, Michael Eisner stated, "Too long has the 'fun' of Disneyland been weighed down by the tyranny of gravity! Beginning today, all fun will be amplified by several orders of magnitude! Today, I present to you the new home of Mickey Mouse - Asteroid M!" The announcement was followed by a buffet of copyright lawyers from several competing entertainment companies. John Ashcroft Resigns, Forms 'John Ashcroft Experience" WASHINGTON, D.C. - John Ashcroft announced his resignation as Attorney General of the United States November 9th, stirring the political community. In a related move, Ashcroft announced the formation of his new band, "The John Ashcroft Experience," sending tremors through the music community. "Mr. Ashcroft felt as though he had fulfilled the duties imparted to him, as there have been no terrorist attacks in the United States since September 11, 2001," said a high-ranking federal official. "However, he feels as though his responsibilities in the field of Rock have not yet been carried out." During his resignation speech, Ashcroft mentioned that the resigning Secretary of Commerce Don Evans approached him with the idea of forming a band together, "The Ashcroft-Evans Project," but was shut down on the basis that Evans just didn't have the "attitude." Upon finishing his speech, Ashcroft motioned to an aide, who tossed him his trademark Tornado Red axe. He then tore his shirt off and proceeded to rock out for the next forty minutes. Do you wont to write for us? Feel the ultimate power that only a college publication can bring you? We have superior cloven hooves. Do you? You don't? And how's that working out for you? Join us. §*|, 1 1| - fhesHst@_s wg@y®hoo. com The following are recorded minutes from cm actual SWG meeting. 12:00p.m. 12:01p.m. f£06p.«n. 12:08p.m. 12:09p.m. 12:10p.m. 12:11p.m. 12:12p.m. 12:13p.m. 12:14p.m. 12:15p.m. 12:16p.m. Meeting fully underway 12:17p.m Total chaos erupts 12:18p.m Chaos lowered to a dull roar 12:19p.m Order fully restored 12:20p.m Kat pulls out sandwich 12:21p.m Ideas thrown out randomly 1222p.m Kat continues to eat sandwich Jon hit in head by idea with ran- 12:23p.m dom trajectory 12:24p.m Jon is unconscious 12:55p.m Revival attempts fail Kat finishes sandwich 12:56p.m Mysteriou s haze appears in 12:57p.m room. 12S0p.in Kat reveals second sandwich Thoughts garbled by haze Second sandwich half consumed Necromancer arrives to meeting Evil spirits neutralized Necromancer disappears into the night Second sandwich fully consumed TIME LAPSE Jon awakes from unconscious state Kat finishes fifth sandwich Meeting in t urmoil Meeting adjourned THE STATE Bathroom Stop Turns Into Father/Son Chat BEAVER CITY, UT - Sometimes good things do come to those who can't hold it any longer. It started off a regular Tuesday as Jared Doff picked up his son, Chris, from school and drove out to their house in the country. This Tuesday, though, the same old routine turned into something magical. It began as a simple bathroom stop -- an event that would turn out to be one of the most enriching experiences of Chris and Jared's lives. Chris and Jared live in the outskirts of Beaver City ("Technically Bone Valley," remarks Jared), a short ways away from the impressive Tushar Mountains. Usually, the rugged beauty of these peaks was ignored during Chris's daily commute to and from Beaver City. However, halfway home on Tuesday, Chris complained that he had to go to the bathroom. "I was a little upset at first," said Jared. "Why didn't the kid go to the bathroom at school? But then I relented. A kid's gotta pee when a kid's gotta pee, right?" The only place to stop was a small state park with a 'scenic view' of the mountains and two porta-potties at the entrance. Jared watched his son enter one of them, and while waiting, decided that he, too, had to 'take a dump.' It was then that the magical moment happened. "I said to dad: 'that was a cool view when we got in here, huh?"' said Chris. "And then we just started talking." One thing led to another, and before long, Chris had told his father about everything that had been happening at school, something he "never does," according to Jared. Jared even managed to talk a little bit about his work as a welder at Consolidated Construction, Inc. When the two of them got out of their porta-potties, they turned and looked at the breathtaking view behind them, and then set off towards the horizon. Jared recollects: "The thing is, I can't really ever remember stopping there before. It's funny - I've spent my life in that area but never really saw it." "I never expected to spend so much time together!" exclaimed Chris. "It's amazing how being side by side while taking a dump brings people closer." The two of them talked about life and death, love, hope, the future, and returned several hours later as the sun was setting. They were exhausted, but happy. "It's a good thing we both had to do number two," added Jared. "Otherwise we wouldn't have bonded." CORRECTIONS We here at The State sometimes make mistakes. * We would like to correct the following mistakes... In our last issue, we mistakenly spelled the word defecate... D-E-F-I-C-A-T-E We're sorry, the actual spelling should have been... S-H-l-T Last issue, we included a footnote suggesting that The State does not make mistakes. The footnote . should have been in bold. Sorry. *The State does not. make mistakes. In issue 3, we implied that there was a direct relationship between reading The State and acquiring millions of dollars. This should have been printed in issue 1. Last issue. The State was printed on recycled newspaper. It has always been our goal to print The State on sheets of endangered sea otter skin. We apologize. A Brief Word For The Not-Too-Terribly-Bright Here's the thing. The State isn't what most would consider - oh, what's the word? - real. While we do deal with real-life people, places, and events, the quotes and stories included in this publication are purely fictional. If you knew this already, kudos to you, citizen. If not... well, college isn't necessarily for everyone. Satan Cleans Up Act, Works In Soup Kitchen R. Mephistopheles, chief of Public Relations for Hell, Inc. called a press conference yesterday to point out that their controversial founder and CEO, Dr. S. Lucifer had recently turned over a new leaf. "We here at Hell realize that public perception of our organization has, in the past, been tainted by Dr. Lucifer's reputation and 'bad boy' image. I am here to tell you that Dr. Lucifer has recognized the folly of his ways and has, over the past two years, sucessfully completed a full course of rehabilitation for several painful addictions, and has now moved on to helping those less fortunate than himself. So, without further ado, I would like to present to you the new and improved Dr. Satan Lucifer!" Mr. Mephistopheles then led reporters on a short walk to a nearby Salvation Army soup kitchen. Dr. Lucifer stood behind the counter serving up generous portions of minestrone for the homeless and destitute. Shortly after reporters arrived, the soup grew cold, due to a malfunctioning hot plate. Dr. Lucifer then demonstrated the scientific expertise which earned him his multiple honorary doctorates with a jerry-rigged repair job so effective that Martha Sweeney, the head cook said, "It was like magic! That hot plate's never worked this good! Now if only I co uld get it to cool down a bit...." In a brief lull, Dr. Lucifer delivered a statement to the gathered press, saying, "I realized one day as I laid in a pool of my own vomit, that not only were my drunken, drugged-out orgies ruining the company's image, they weren't bringing me any satisfaction anymore. It's the law of diminishing returns, I really believe that. I had reached the point where there was no carnal peasure I hadn't explored, and I just had a profound ennui at the thought of another acid trip or wild orgy. It was just... it was an epiphany. I said to myself, 'you've tried everything for yourself, maybe it's time to think about someone else.' So I did. I gave it all up and it's just been the most wonderful thing." H. Jehovah, president of Heaven, LLC, Hell's primary competitor, said late last night, "I want to caution the public that Dr. Lucifer has years of experience in deception. Remember Milton's Paradise Lost? This [obscenity deleted] is why you people are here today! He's why you sad bags of flesh are burdened with the weight of sin! That twerp had the gall to challenge me! God! You don't do that and get away with it! Your uppance will come, Lucifer, I swear." Mr. Jehovah was then carried off by a flock of interns. By the end of the day, Hell, Inc. stock had tripled, to a value of $46.73 per share, and analysts expect a two for one split early today. The State Fills Leftover Layout Space With Enlarged, Meaningless Drivel So anyway, there's this robot I know who is always going on and on about robot politics. It's usually when I'm trying to eat lunch, which seems rude and inappropriate. Not that I don't sympathize. Robots have gotten a bad rap lately, especially since the introduction of hyperrobots. I mean, why on Earth would you want a regular robot when you can get a hyper one? Hyper-robots perform needed tasks at nearly double the speed of an ordinary robot. They're equipped with tools that had not even been conceived of when regular robots were first developed. And not only are they programmed to feel love, but they can cry synthetic tears, making them the perfect companion for human beings everywhere. Robot unemployment has skyrocketed in these past few years. Robots have to provide for their robot children and what are they supposed to do, you know? My robot friend complains that there aren't enough government programs aimed at helping robots. I feel for the guy, but, then again, I'm a hyper-robot. THE STATE THE STATE Editor-in-Chief Andrew McDonald Editor Jon Stehlik Writers Josh Diefenbach Lucas Gregory Andrew McDonald Sean Murphy John Pagac Nate Sieger Jon Stehlik Kaitlyn Ulmer Emily Wood Advisor Dean Karpowicz Special Thanks Australia The State LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear The State, I recently stumbled across The State (hehe...don't worry, my toe is okay), and I was intensely struck by your potential! (hehe... don't worry, it didn't hurt) A comedic-.«arire of the state of the world (hehe... get the pun?), for students! The only thing you guys are lacking is comedy. And satire. Your humor is mediocre at best. But then I thought of the perfect way to fix that! Here it is: I'll come write for you! Think of it! Think of the things we could accomplish! With my talent, and your print medium, we could rule the literary world! I'd even be willing to drop out of school for you - just like Steve Jobs did at Harvard. How would you like to be the next Apple? Or John Romano, joining ID! We'd become legends of the industry! So, what do you say? Let me write for you. Let me be your Romano. Passionately, Bob Mureale Dear Reader, We value our readers' submissions. Getting new ideas keeps us fresh, or at least going for another two weeks. It keeps us from curling up into the fetal position and crying ourselves to sleep. If you've got ideas, write those ideas down, fold those ideas up, and place those ideas into a stamped envelope. Make sure that the envelope is closed securely, to ensure that your ideas don't fall out when you tear them up and toss them into the garbage. Sincerely yours, The State* - Questions? Comments? Anonymous death threats? Queries concerning witchcraft? Contact us at... thestate_swg@yahoo.eom POINT CROSSFIRE COUNTERPOINT I'm A Warlock By Lenny Tweater Student, 5-Time Juggling Champion It's true! I am a warlock. I practice witchcraft, I perform ritual sacrifices, and if you can name a person at this university, chances are I've cursed them for something! Let me give you some background. Since humans first walked the Earth, my warlock ancestors and I have followed closely behind, maiming and killing those humans. Are we proud of this? Not really. It's just the natural order of things. We kill humans. Humans kill cows. Cows kill us. It's a vicious cycle. You might ask, "How can such a powerful species be so powerless against bovine?" Shut up! You should know that I eat human souls! Watch your tongue! Anyway, I only practice about 3 or 4 times a week, because I'm dealing with a part-time job at the nursing home and a full load of classes in my Conflict Resolution major. I'm also writing a book on how to win the lotteiy. Now, granted, I have never won the lottery, but I was at the bookstore, and seeing that there were no books on winning the lottery, I decided I would write one. Yes, I suppose I could use my vast knowledge of witchcraft to bend the lottery odds in my favor, but that would be dishonest. One thing that we warlocks pride ourselves on is our honesty. That and our ability to level whole towns by invoking the powers of the Dark Lord. Don't get me wrong. I have no "beef with humans. Heh-heh. Did you catch that? No "beef? Little cow humor th - there aren't any cows around, are there? I should probably keep my voice down. That's the price you pay for living in Wisconsin as a warlock. Those cows are merciless killers. We have to be careful. Wait! Shh... there are some cows now. I have to get outta here. You never spoke to me, understand? If I hear one word about this, everyone in your family grows a third leg. You got me? Good day. No, You're Not By Willard Crenshaw Ride Pimper You say you're a warlock. This is not a thoroughly impossible proposition. I say this because I have, in my time, known several warlocks, and am currently on good terms with four of them. Five if you count Gaspar (who currently resides only on the ethereal plane). You're no warlock. Warlock ancestors? Dude, you're not a warlock. It is clear to me that you are not a warlock. Not because of your evident lack of dedication, or your foolish choice in higher education. What would drive you to attend a public university ~ and as a conflict resolution major? Warlocks begin conflicts. They resolve nothing! There is no resolution, unless you count the collecting of corpses. Even then, everyone knows warlocks don't perform manual labor. Warlocks do not collect corpses! Then you say you can invoke the powers of the Dark Lord? No. You can't. How do I know? Because I do, that's how. You just can't. It is obvious that you are not a warlock. Not because you are attempting to win the lottery - when the warlock knows that money is nothing compared to magick. It is not even because of your pathetic attempt to write a book on a topic you know nothing about. I say that you are not a warlock because you are an idiot. Yes, I said it. You clearly have no right to the oxygen you apparently forget to breath. So, when a real warlock shows up at your house, brandishing powers beyond your imagination, ready to heave corpses to and fro with no intention of ever picking them up, just remember me, and what I said today. 1&- Gorrjer . .Buy, Trade, ?|ay The next level for Video Gamers is HERE!!! 3 Hours Mon - Thurs: 9am - 9pm Fri and Sat: 9am - Midnight Sun: 10am - 8pm 5901 75th Street Kenosha. At the corner of Hwy 50 and 60th Ave in Speedway Plaza Buy Games!!! Trade Games!!! Rent Games!!! Xbox - PS2 - GameCube - GameBoy Advance -PC The Holidays are here. Stop in to pick up that must have game or grab a gift card for that hard to shop for person. Video Games Cubed not only sells and rents games. They also have 4 state of the art video game rooms!!! Play video games on a 150" High Definition Screen!!! Digital Surround Sound and Leather Reclining Rumble Chairs!!! Up to 16 people can play at a time!!! $50 Gift Card for only $44.99 Limit one coupon per person. Can not be combined with any other offer. Duplication of this coupon is fraud. Video Games Cubed retains the right to refuse redemption of this coupon at their discretion. Expires 12/25/04 RN-3 Buy Any 2 Games Get a $5 Gift Card Free Limit one coupon per person per visit. Can not be combined with any other offer. Duplication of this coupon is fraud. Video Games Cubed retains the right to refuse redemption of this coupon at their discretion. Expires 12/25/04 * 25% OFF A Monthly Game Pass Regularly S34.99 Limit one coupon per person per pass. Can not be combined with any other offer. Duplication of this coupon is fraud. Video Games Cubed retains the right to refuse redemption of this coupon at their discretion. Expires 1/15/05 RN-3 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Ranger News, Volume 35, issue 7, December 4, 2004 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 12/4/2004 Subject The topic of the resource College student newspapers and periodicals Student publications University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Newspaper Language A language of the resource English Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Kenosha, Wisconsin Type The nature or genre of the resource Text Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University Wisconsin System black student union hunger and homeless week satire tutoring center unity march women's center world AIDS day