https://archives.uwp.edu/files/original/03eff32a71fbbfacbece23e7f6c202d9.pdf 169760cd667879779ce645652ab94a06 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ranger News Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of UW-Parkside Text A resource consisting primarily of words for reading. Examples include books, letters, dissertations, poems, newspapers, articles, archives of mailing lists. Note that facsimiles or images of texts are still of the genre Text. Issue Volume 9, issue 29 Headline Used for newspapers, the Headline element describes the main article of the issue. Ginger Helgeson elected new editor of Ranger Series Number The series number of the original collection. UWPAC124 Ranger News Text Any textual data included in the document W University of Wisconsin - Parkside Ginger Helgeson elected new editor of Ranger by Ken Meyer Editor Ginger Helgeson was elected Ranger Editor for the 1981-82 academic year. Helgeson has previously been a columnist and copy editor for Ranger and editor of Parkside Arts Review. "Since I've been on the Ranger staff for the past two years," said Helgeson, "I've had some time to learn about our operations and the options we have access to in order to improve our quality." Helgeson is concerned with the role Ranger currently plays on campus. "I feel we have a long way to go toward providing Parkside students with news on issues concerning them," she said. "That's where my goals for the next year are: I will do everything I possibly can to report to students on events and people that affect students.' advertising. "There's no question about it," said Helgeson. "The Ranger cannot be expected to do a professional news reporting job with the small (but hard working) staff we have." Helgeson plans to recruit staff members in the Basic Reporting class this fall, and also among people who are interested in writing and editing of any sort. "I've found that journalistic writing has been a great way to improve my writing in other areas," she said. "I hope more people will catch on to that." Helgeson has been surprised that more people haven't taken advantage of the opportunity to sell advertising for Ranger. "Not only because of the 15% commission," she explained, "but also because it's such a great way for students to learn about business and to start making contracts in surrounding communities." GINGER HELGESON JEFF SCHOOR RANGER Photos by Brian Passino SARKIS YOGHOURTDJIAN PAB President Jeff Schoor sworn in by G. Helgeson thev'rp nnmnlotoH »» tu onM o„i . . I am going to expect a lot of myself," she continued. "I am going to expect a lot of my staff Helgeson will be working over also. It will be a challenge, the summer. She said, "I'll be in though, that will be very satisfying for all of us to undertake together." The biggest problems that Helgeson noticed at Ranger have been the small staff and the low amount of revenue collected by and glad to talk to anyone who comes in with constructive suggestions about Ranger or with a story idea, or just to sit and talk. That's kind of the way (PSGA President) Jim Kreuser does it, too, but I won't be in the Union." by G. Helgeson On Tuesday, Jeff Schoor was sworn in by out - going president Tom Shulak as the new president of the Parkside Activities Board, a student organization designed to coordinate and sponsor cultural and social activities for Parkside students. Jackie Jensen was also swqrn was vice President. Both new officers' terms will last through the 1981-82 school year. Schoor said he had a strong background in PAB, with 4 years of experience on the board and 3 past experiences as chairs of various PAB committees. "I already have a basic feeling for the objectives of PAB and how they're completed," he said. "Increasing attendance at our events has been a major goal of PAB all along," Schoor said. "I'd like to make students aware that they have a voice in what's going on here at Parkside — students with no experience in planning can join PAG and learn, and that ^25®, nearly everyone can have Schoor also is looking forward to seeing "The End" platform completed west of the Union. He said it will be a permanently fenced, blacktopped area, with outdoor basketball and volleyball courts for students. With PAB advisor Tony Totero leaving this year (for a career in real estate), Schoor said that one of his most important jobs this coming year will be in providing a good transition between advisors. Schoor said that the new advisor hasn't been chosen yet. Schoor said that he and PAB will continue to offer Parkside students programming appealing to a wide range of tastes. He pointed out that PAB offers students more than weekend films — they also offer lectures, special programs ranging from forums on I - : theatre, coffee house activities, dances, ski trips and afternoon shows in the Union Square. "Besides planning these activities," Schoor said, "PAB provides technical crews for the events. Lighting and sound for bands, for example, are provided by PAB people, not roadies." Schoor also said that he would like students "to get involved in all the clubs on campus, as well as PAB." Sarkis Yoghourtdjian is new SOC chairperson by Wendy Westphal The new S.O.C. chairperson for the 1981-82 school year is Sarkis Yoghourtdjian, who succeeds Jan Oechler. He is a junior and is aspiring toward a degree in Business Management. Sarkis is the former President of the Int e r n a t i o n a l S t u d e n t s ' Organization which was established this past year. They made great strides for a newly organized club in its first year. Sarkis based his campaign on student involvement. He says there are about 40 clubs at Parkside, all of which have trouble attracting and retaining members. With the student enrollment at Parkside, there should be plenty of members in every club, Sarkis noted, but there is a lack of i nterest he is going to try to correct. "I'll try to work personally with each club president and work out problems in planning activities 2nd Annual Awards Banquet RANGER photo by Brian Passino Ten students were awarded outstanding achievement awards last Friday night at the Second Annual Student Activities Awards Banquet. Approximately 180 people attended the banquet. The four major student groups chose the two outstanding members within their organization and the four group presidents presented two Presidents' Awards. The award winners are, from left to right: back row, Chavez Epps (Presidents Award), Dan Rasch (SOC), Tracy Gruber (PSGA), Tom Shulak (PAB), Jackie Jensen (PAB); front row, Brian Felland (Ranger), Ken Meyer (Ranger), Jan Oechler (SOC), Kay Mullikin (PSGA) and Chris Hammelev (Presidents Award). which will attract students," said Sarkis. He also encourages inter - club activity. Sarkis feels if two clubs share a common interest then they can plan an activity together sharing costs. Also he would like to check up on clubs to make sure they are using their allocation for club activities. Sarkis plans to work closely with PAB and PSGA. He is excited to work with Jim Kreuser, PSGA President, because of Kreuser's enthusiasm for promoting student involvement. One major change which will affect all members of S.O.C. may be a meeting room change. Sarkis feels a room without distractions like the noises from the Coffee Shoppe will allow better participation of club presidents and less misunderstandings. He hopes this will eliminate the disorganization of the S.O.C. meetings. INSIDE... • Editor's and Parking Lot's Farewells • Strange (r) things • Baseball readies for playoffs Thursday, May 7,1981 Editor's Farewell So long, not goodbye by Ken Meyer Editor Well, this is it. Now's the time I advocate my throne (really a squeaky chair in a dinky office with ugly - colored walls) and say goodbye. Sorry to disappoint you (maybe many of you), but I'm not leaving. Or at least not as far away as some editors in the past have moved after their editorship. I'm only moving to the news editor's desk which is only a move of about 10 or 20 feet, depending on where I set up shop. So, I guess this is a "so long" editorial rather than a "goodbye" editorial. I'm looking forward to next year — n ot only because I won't have this job, either. It's not that I don't like it because, in fact, I thrive on it, but the demands are exhaustive. Overwhelming is a nice understatement. I'm looking forward to the fall (after a relaxing summer with 6 credits) because of the direction student organizations seem to be, or hopefully will be, moving. I hope I'm not too optimistic To the Editor about students becoming more involved in affairs and activities that affect them or offer direct student input. Looking at Parkside's past, using old Rangers, I noticed similar optimism after starts at improving the lagging student attitude. But these improvements never materialized in a permanent fashion; they always faded fast. I setsome goals for myself at the beginning of my editorship. Some I met, on others I didn't even come close to scratching the surface, mainly because some of the goals were so outlandish that I didn't expect to accomplish them. I set them so I'd have something to strive for, otherwise giving up or slackening off after accomplishing something minor might seem attractive. But I didn't give up. I'm still aching to get back into things. It might be my masochistic tendencies that make me look forward to working next year, but there are many reasons for being anxious about next year: namely the four newly - elected club presidents. Starting close to home, Ranger will have as its editor a most talented and devoted person who I know will succeed in some areas in which I have failed. Ginger Helgeson is perfect for the job of editor (take that as a compliment). Jeff Schoor, a four year member of PAB and previous chairman of three PAB committees, will give experienced leadership as PAB President. Sarkis Yoghourtdjian, former president of the International Students' Organization, a club which made great strides in its first year, should help SOC into becoming a better - organized group. PSGA President Jim Kreuser appears to be leading PSGA into an eventful, and colorful, year for a change. These four student leaders have a lot of work cut out for them. It'd be a great help if the rest of the student body would become involved. I know some will get involved, but will enough? We'll have to wait until the fall to find out. Until then ... so long. Parkside architecture is treacherous To the Editor: There's something about mind: It's impossible to get out of here! No, not just academically, but physically. The architects who designed this school did a fantastic job of blending textures, open spaces, and skylights into very pleasant and workable buildings, making it one of the most beautiful campuses in Southeastern Wisconsin. They certainly deserve a lot of recognition for their efforts. But enough is enough! Anyone even the slightest bit absentminded can recall the frustration of constantly pushing on the wrong side of the library doors. More alert individuals probably begin studying the doors as they approach them, so as not to push on the wrong side in front of all the from behind their books. (What are they really taking notes on?) Notice sometime the different ways students react to the failure of this simple feat. There are those who quickly do an about - face — they weren't really done studying or whatever, anyway. (There's so much to do in the library.) Then there are the diehards who will keep trying till they get results, no matter how long it takes. Others simply memorize one certain pathway and do not stray from it. (Note the wearing of the carpeting.) And let us not forget those who will never enter the first floor of the library for any reason. Now, on to the Union. Along the south side, many a bus has been Accuse of tho trick doors. Not only are these portals just as treacherous as those in the library, they have the added danger of sticking! Yes, and anyone trying to leave Union Square can testify to the numerous attempts made in varying states of consciousness only to be foiled by the double set of villians silently awaiting. But Students, take heart. There is at least one faculty member who knows the secret of leaving Parkside. Hopefully, the rest of us will eventually learn the proper way to get out when we finally get out. If not, becoming a "lifer" is a distinct possibility. Carol Ryback I I RANGER photo by Brian Passino Parting shots by Ken Meyer Editor There are many issues that I'd like to comment on before the year comes to a close. Some are topics I wanted to write editorials on but never had the time and others are thoughts of an outgoing editor. I don't want to say that President Reagan was "lucky" to get shot in the March 30 assassination attempt, but the event, being unsuccessful, worked out to Reagan's advantage. Sympathy for the 70 year old President who survived and acted through a crisis showing him to be a strong - willed individual will not die off right away. I'm not saying I'm happy he was shot; I was deeply saddened. I'm just saying that, by the way it worked out, it'll help him politically. A related topic is gun control, which was resounded loudly after John Lennon was murdered and again after March 30. Lennon's death garnered a lot of attention, but Lennon was only one of 30 Americans to be shot dead during that day. Nationwide, 20,000 Americans were murdered in 1979 over half of them with handguns. Someone in America is killed with a handgun every 48 minutes. More than half of gun victims died as a result of an argument or accident, not a premeditated crime. The American public, as far back as 1938, has favored stricter control of handguns. The latest Gallup figure is 62%. But thanks to the influential National Rifle Association, little is done in Congress. Looking at the sickening statistics, I can't see how someone could not agree that something has to be done. I'm not in favor of outlawing all types of firearms. Rifles and shotguns serve a valid sporting and hunting purpose; handguns don't. The ineffectiveness of city and state laws concerning handguns is an argument for national legislation, not against it. Something has to be done. Now! * * * The situation in El Salvador worries me. The comparison is now a cliche but . . . here we go again with another Vietnam. Military advisors were sent to Vietnam in Feb. 1962 for the same reason and with the same statement Reagan is using: they're only there in an "advisory role." Well, I'm not too sure about that, given how much the Reagan administration wants to show up the Soviets. The presence of Alexander Haig doesn't help much either. I wanted to write an editorial about the infamous Moral Majority after the Rev. Jerry Falwell made a big stink about his interview in Penthouse. My main point was to be how overly - righteous it was of those "moral" people to inflict their morals on others. My favorite part was my planned concluding statement, "As far as I'm concerned, the Moral Majority can go to hell." At one point during the year (last September to be exact) Ranger's masthead listed 27 staff members. That soon wore away with many of those people contributing nothing. There are currently 16 students on Ranger staff. . If there is one particular area in which I'm disappointed in, it is business. Having only a couple students make up the entire Ranger business staff is ridiculous. I truly wonder what the hell is wrong with the large number of business students at Parkside. Ranger is one of the best places for business students to receive hands - on - experience while still making that ever - important green stuff (yes, money). End of the semester tension RANGER Photo hy Steve Myers Has anybody noticed that college students get highly strung and very tense before finals? For more strange things turn to page 8. <Ranger Ken Meyer Brian Felland.... •••".• Editor Sue Michetti Business Manager Wendy Westphal Editor Doug Edenhauser.".' Feature Editor Brian Passino.. Editor Ginger Helgeson Editor Copy Editor rt ^ STAFF S t e v e D a " G a ' b r a i , h - D a " M c C o r m a c k , L o r i M e y e r , RANGER is '„ rUCe on ' Klm Schla, er. Janet Well, Jeff Wicks U"~ - - - «r All correspondence should be a dd^pS TV P ° r,iono ' RANGER. Titter's to t Chen° Sha ' Wl 53141 ' parkside Ranger, WLLC D139, UW- £* ma'rgins^AM^etters'mustf'hiT6?' doublespac<* standard size Klame, £ „Tlfica,i0n - 6 S ' 9ned and a te 'ePhone number inr"° "»»"»• Thursday, May 7,1981 Academic awards presented I Honors graduates named The annual Scholarship Day at Parkside on Sunday, May 3, resulted in awards and honors for more than 60 students. The program, sponsored by the Campus Awards and Ceremonies Committee, included an address by Prof. Bonnie Smith, history. Chancellor Alan E. Guskin presented the awards. Joanne M. Esser Scholarships of $400 each, for students interested in ecology, went to Mary Ann Perozzo, 2619-23rd Ave., Kenosha, and Suzanne Marie Weisner, 914-7th St., Kenosha. Kenneth L. Greenquist* Scholarships of $200 each, named for the former University regent and Racine attorney and civic leader, were awarded to Sung Hyok Choe, 8067 Sheridan Rd., Kenosha; Beverly Jean Derouchey, 1426-83rd St., Kenosha; and Susan Elizabeth Willms, 3008 Sante Fe Trail, Racine. Irvin G. Wyllie Scholarships of $250 each, named for Parkside's founding chancellor, went to James Edward Lewis, 3329 Honey Creek Road, Burlington, and Christopher Robert Sartori, 4526- 18th St., Kenosha. Bernard C. Tallent Scholarships of $200 each, which memorialize the former dean of the university's Kenosha campus, went to Frank Charles Cairo, 8955-43rd Ave., Kenosha; Mary Jo Dagenbach, 3540-16th Ave., Kenosha; Ginger Ellen Hanks, 11711-60th St., Bristol; Ginger A. Helgeson, 4321-18th Ave., Kenosha; Kathleen M. Kierzek, 1509-48th Ave., Kenosha; and Scott Xavier Stevens, 8075-48th Ave., Kenosha. The Johnson Wax Award in science went to Michael Mullane, 4910-19th Ave., Kenosha; the Sam Poerio Award in education to Francesca Morrone, 3105-55th St., Kenosha; the Economics Award to Sara Jane Walker, 607-73rd St., Kenosha; and William W. Petrie Awards in Labor and Industrial Relations to Carla Wilks, 2424 Virginia St., Racine, and Faye Haubrich, 7537-34th Ave., Kenosha. Those awards carry trophy and/or monetary prizes. Certificates of merit, recognizing outstanding academic work in their major fields of study, went to 46 students: From Kenosha: Judith L. Wirtz, Gary A. Lea, and Maureen R. Funk in History; Gino Salituro in Chemistry; Stephanie Savas Slamar in Art; Susan Michetti in Political Science; Francesca Morrone in Mathematics; Marjorie Ann Roth and Laura Jean Frisk in Music; Christopher Sartori in Life Science; Ginger Helgeson and Lyn Johanson in English; Patricia Heller and Beverly Salituro in Teacher Education; Clare Missurelli in Communication; Beverly J. DeRouchey in Finance; Janet Iverson and Keith Manna in Medical Technology; and Gary Morrison in Production Management. From Racine: Catherine Worden, Glenn Lampark, and Lori DeGroot in Geography; Dennis M. Wilson in Chemistry; Daniel Ingebrigtson in Art; Carole Mae Trolle, Patricia Richter, and Sharon Lee Johnson in Sociology / Anthropology; Christie Coates in Political Science; Carol Ann Kestell in Music; Jim Wynstra and Jim Simonds in Life Science; John Brien in English; Barbara Wemmert in Teacher Education; Alane Andresen in Communication; Joan Barten in Marketing; Jonathon S. Massey in Management Science; Rose Ann M. Andresen in Management Information Systems; Debra J. Krismanich in Accounting; Mary Udulutch in Medical Technology; and Kevin Grice in Industrial / Environmental Hygiene. From Antioch, Illinois: Michael Ware in Industrial / Environmental Hygiene; and Rosina Hellstern in Administrative Management. From other areas: Margaret Crawford (South Milwaukee) in Personnel Management; Curtis LaMack (Union Grove) in Mathematics; Peter Selander (Somers) in Political Science; and Timothy Swiateck (Salem) in Chemistry. Patronize Our Advertisers Students to graduate on Sunday, May 17 William B. Boyd, president of The Johnson Foundation, will give the commencement address at graduation exercises for about 400 members of the 1980-81 December, May and August classes at Parkside at 2 p. m. on Sunday, May 17, in the Physical Education Building. Boyd assumed presidency of the foundation last July 1. He had been president of the University of Oregon since 1975 and previously served as president of Central Michigan University, vice chancellor of the University of California - Berkeley and in a number of other university administrative positions. Bachelor's and master's degrees will be conferred by Chancellor Alan E. Guskin with Vice Chancellor/Dean of Faculty Lorman Ratner and Regent Thomas P. Fox of Madison, who will represent the UW System Board. Guskin also will present awards for outstanding academic achievement to graduates selected by divisional faculties and to the overall outstanding student selected by the campus awards and ceremonies committee. Marshals for the academic procession will be Prof. Robert Esser, chief marshal; Prof. Ronald Singer, faculty marshal; Prof. Arthur Dudycha, graduate marshal; Prof. B. S. Samimi, bachelor of sc ience marshal; and Prof. Frank Mueller, bachelor of arts marshal. A university reception for graduates and their guests in Main Place of Wyllie Library - Learning Center will follow the ceremonies. MAS title changed to MBA The title of th e master's degree program in business at Parkside has been changed from its original designation as a Master of Administrative Science (MAS) to a Master of Business Administration (MBA). The change to MBA "better reflects the actual nature and scope of the curriculum," according to Arthur L. Dudycha, chairman of the Division of Business and Administrative Science. The change, effective immediately, will affect about 18 students who will receive MBA degrees in commencement exercises on May 17 and all subsequent candidates in the program. It has been approved by the UW System and various UW - Parkside faculty goverance bodies. Dudycha said the new program title will not involve any changes in curriculum. "The program we offer is in fact an MBA and titling it that will facilitate communication and promote a better understanding of i t with potential students, the business community and other publics." The Parkside MBA program is designed to meet the needs of employed professionals who want to advance careers already underway and wish to take graduate studies on a part - time basis as well as the full - time graduate student. Some "special" students seeking information related to immediate professional employment also are admitted. Persons applying for admission to the MBA degree program are required to take the Graduate Management Admissions Test (GMAT). Information on GMAT test dates and other application procedures is available from the Division of Business and Administrative Science in Molinaro Hall (Phone 553-2280). On May 17, about 400 candidates for graduation at UW - Parkside will proceed through graduation exercises for the 1980 - 81 classes. Many students will be graduating with distinction. These students have been honored for their continued successful work at Parkside. The distinctions are as follows: Summa cum laude (with highest honors), 3.9-4.0 GPA; Magna cum laude (with high owners), 3.7 - 3.89 GPA; and Cum laude (with honors), 3.5 - 3.69 GPA. The candidates for the Bachelor of Science Degree who will be graduating with distinction from December 1980 and May 1981 classes include: Summa cum laude: Kathleen J. Brudney, Hannecristl C. Fruhauf, Debra J. Krismanich, Keith A. Manna, Francesca Morrone, Michael P. Mullane and Jeffrey L. Sorensen. Magna cum laude: Margaret M. Crawford, John T. Drigot, Mary C. Flanagan, Curtis J. La Mack, Scott M. Lesnier, Alan M. Padlock, Lisa A. Rasmussen - Zanin, James E. Rubach, Timothy P. Swiateck, Keith W. Van Patten, Alan J. Walton, Carla Wilks, James H. Wynstra and Cynthia A. Ziegler. Cum laude: Pamela I. Bahr, Julie A. Colclaser, Lorilee E. Fort, Janice E. Hamelink, Judith A. Herr, Timothy D. Hovey, Rhanda J. Jensen, Thomas M. Lenz, Anna M. Miller, Thomas K. Pella, William S. Pocan, Jr., Beverly J. Salituro, Wendy A. Scheider, James M. Schoening, Jessica G. Sheridan, Thomas E. Simon, Jim D. Simonds, Jacques R. Thebert, Sue A. Veselik and Sara J. Walker. The candidates for the Bachelor of Arts Degree who will be Business internships available The Private Industry Council of Southeastern Wisconsin, Inc. has a limited number of Business Intern summer jobs available for current post high school students who will be returning to school this fall. These jobs are for a maximum of 320 hours over summer. Pay is set by the employer, not to exceed $5.00 per hour. All jobs will be in the private sector and will correlate with the student's academic or vocational interests. Interested summer job seekers will need to visit the local Job Service office to be certified for the Private Industry Council's programs and send a resume, attention: William Matelski, Private Industry Council of Southeastern Wisconsin, Inc., 1648 Washington Avenue, Racine, Wisconsin, 53403. graduating with distinction from December 1980 and May 1981 classes include: Summa cum laude: John M. Brien, Marjorie A. Roth, and Janet H. Wells. Magna cum laude: Lori A. DeGroot, Patricia A. Heller, Debra A. Henningfeld, Roxanne P. Larson and Monica M. Scholz. Cum laude: Candis D. Anderson, James J. Brichacek, Jr., Ronald O. Davey, Anita M. Duschak, Maureen R. Funk, Eileen M. Hanson, Daniel G. Kachikis, Carol A. Kestell, Susan J. Michetti, Patricia Morrone and Susan Schultz - Rollins. The candidates for the Bachelor of Science Degree who will be graduating with distinction from August 1981 classes include: Cum laude: Rebecca L. Grabher, Cathy K. Lawlis, and Lyle L. Walter. The candidates for the Bachelor of Arts Degree who will be graduting with distinction from August 1981 classes is Lyn J. Johanson. All distinctions designations will be considered tentative until final semester grades are recorded. Have a Happy Summer! CLOISSONNE' for Mother's Day medium pendant — 7.50 large pendant on silk cord — 16.00 SCHOOLHOUSE GIFT SHOP 3516 Rapids Ct. Racine 634-3764 ACADEMY O F B ATON A D ANCE \ ;Headquarters for "Gym Kin"Body Suits,: Gymnastic Suits, Tights — Ballet Shoes — Tap Shoes — All Dancing Supplies ; 6204-22nd Avenue, Kenosha 658-2498 ALOHA! Parksldo Feed Sonrki Amovikos POLYNESIAN LIIAU EIHNK FRIDAY FRI.f MAY 8 UNION DININC ROOM Combination Pinto Spoclal: O CHICK EN T ERIY AKI O S WEET /SO UR POR K O M AHI M A HI ( F R I ED DOL PHIN ) O ST E A M ED RICE O F R I E D BANANA OR F R E S H P I N E A P P LE O COMBINATI ON MAI TAI P U N CH ALL FOR ONLY Thursday, May 7,1981 From the Parking Lot Goodbye Parking Lot RANGER photo by Brian Passino A REPRESENTATIVE of t he Legislative Audit Bureau (second from right) distributes the Bureau's report on its audit of Gateway Technical Institute to the local press outside the Union Tuesday morning. Audit criticizes GTI by Ken Meyer Editor The State Legislative Audit Bureau released a critical report on its recent audit of Gateway Technical Institute. (GTI). The audit reveals that GTI's involvement in foreign projects has resulted in substantial personal gain for select GTI staff and questions whether state statutes were complied with. The Bureau's review of GTI administration's management practices indicates "a pattern of questionable management practices and, in some cases, expenditures of public funds which are inappropriate for public officials." Among the practices identified: • Board members and administrators received travel payments to conventions in excess of f irst class air fares; • Some travel costs ior the wife of GTI director Keith Stoehr were paid for by the district; and • The District Activity Fund, funded by vending machine commissions generated primarily by students, has been used to pay for staff parties, flowers and meals. GTI director Stoehr responded to the audit in a written statement: "The report is subjective and urges the unsupported opinions of its author, or authors, against the expression of the GTI district board and a former state VTAE director. It seems as though the authors of the report 'aimed' to discredit me and others with a broad brush of accusation by innuendo." "I view the report as destructive of many well - intentioned efforts to improve the quality of the delivery of vocational education by a dedicated GTI board and staff." or picking those little nubs of gristle from the hamburger you ate for lunch out of your teeth? Or, have you ever felt kind of crawly when you're sqeezing that nasty little pimple that always appears just before you have to make your presentation in Communication Theory? Like someone was looking (and not over your shoulder)? Well, someone is watching you. Both Chancellor Alan Guskin and Assistant Chancellor Carla Stoffle regularly stand (and sometimes sit) sentry inside the walls of the bathrooms here. They're right there inside the mirrors most school days. And they are watching you. "We really are personally committed to getting to know our students here at Parkside," Stoffle told Ranger in an exclusive interview, "but the Chancellor and I have found students here to be so shy. Can you believe they're afraid to come up to our offices just because of all the plush carpet Kuo to work with NASA by G. Helgeson Since this is the very last time you will ever see a "Parking Lot" in this newspaper, this is the Farewell Sweet Parking Lot column: — more fun than "The End", but not as sloppy; — ea sier on the eyes than the Holy Bible, and less guilt - provoking; — cleaner than "The Waltons," without the bitter aftertaste. So this is it, dear readers. The jig is jogged. This columnist has been promoted to a position in which she can do no harm. So before I get so busy that I can't possibly take the time to notice anything .. . there are a few things I have already noticed that I think students ought to know about. Have any of you noticed the way some of the mirrors in the bathrooms here at Parkside make you feel kind of funny while you're combing your hair in the morning Parkside Prof. Ming Kuo is one of 20 university faculty members selected to participate as a fellow in the 1981 NASA Summer Faculty Fellowship Program sponsored by the NASA G oddard Space Flight Center at Greenbelt, Md. Kuo is chairman of the Parkside Engineering Science Division and associate professor of computer and engineering science. The 11-week NASA program will focus on evaluating the future of machine intelligence in space operation and on the feasibility of robotics and machine intelligence. Kuo is an electrical engineer who has specialized in digital computers and circuits. His recent work also has involved uses of microcomputers and their applications in robotics. Participants in the NASA program include faculty with expertise in information systems, artificial intelligence, automation and large - scale system theory. and crystal chandeliers servants?" Guskin commented, "We came up with this idea last year. We needed some means of findi ng out what sort of human beings we have here in our little community." The two-way mirror system was suggested to the Administration by Ron Brinkman, Chief of Parkside Security, according to Guskin. "Ron assured us that the idea was an effective one. I didn't even know it, but the facilities, the secret doors behind the bathrooms, the mirrors, the stools, were already in place," Guskin said. Stoffle said, "We've done some good research as a result of our observations. I don't have the data compiled yet, but for example, we know we should be selling acne medicine in the bookstore. We didn'tknow that before. These are the kinds of things we need to know in order to make students feel at home here among the rest of the Parkside family." Guskin said the two of them have a rotating system for the Bathroom Surveillance Feed - Back Mission, as they call it. "We're just glad to be here, doing our jobs as a service to students," Stoffle said. "I think the chancellor and myself are planning to stay here a long, long time." Guskin added, "We're planning to have mirrors installed in the SOC, PAB, Ranger and PSGA offices over the summer, using the funds we've collected from people who drop their change out of their pockets and purses and into the sinks." PAB sponsors "The End" RANGER Thursday, May 7,1981 by Ken Meyer Editor The 12th Annual "The End," Parkside's longest standing tradition, will be held Saturday and Sunday, May 16-17. The weekend starts with two activities on Saturday morning, a softball tournament at 10:00 and a Pike River canoe race at 10:30 Oa/fictro fmn noorlllnA fn. five ivivw vatiw late (XI 1U:3D. COntP«*t will fr*i»> 1 Registration deadline for the and in "The End" J!?? °^ 00rs so'ftftbbaall ll tournament is Friday, outaide the UnL^!^ Just tournament is Friday, May 8 at 2 p.m. Teams must consist of six males and five females and only two of the players may be members of Parkside softball or baseball teams. Prizes will be awarded to the first and second place-teams. Sign up for the canoe race in Union 209 by Friday,. May 15. Teams must consist of two members. The race will start at the main concession stand at Petrifying Springs. Saturday night is Country Rock Night in the Union Square. Texas Red will play from 6:30-9 p.m. and tafeP fh»<f°.rmer i y Night 0wl) wi» a» age from 9:30 " 12:30 After a night of rest, "Anything (starHno° n t . unday afternoon six PVPI P m ) wU1 feature Dass nffi a tug " a - war> water K It ?uer pass with t00th" Sarr'h ° W raCeS> Shoe search and a water balloon tossing outdoors outside the Union Building In the Umon Square from 14 FRF'F^ wUl ^ a free (yes r REE) concert presented by Marvin and the Dogs Blues Band Sunday night is Rock N Roll RiSt ? 6 Hnion S( ? uare . with Bu J? P laying from 6:30 - 9 p.m. and White Lie closing "The End" from 9:30 - 12:30. Tickets are available only at the door Admission each night is $3 for Parkside students and $4 for guests. Guests must be accompanied by a UW-P student and each student can only bring one guest. Film series begins TV»n ITAM/IPKO DiIV\1 In T !L.. .. The Kenosha Public Library will offer an American Short Story Film Series on Thursday evenings in May at the Southwest Library, 7979 - 38 Avenue. All programs will begin at 7:30 p. m. Films based on a variety of short stories will be shown and a discussion following each film will be led by Peter Martin, Associate Professor of English at UW - Parkside. Films scheduled are: On May 7, "Barn Burning" by William Faulkner: A tale of revenge involving a proud, poor Southern tenant farmer who takes justice into his own hands. On May 14, "The Jilting of Granny Weather all" by Katherine Anne Porter: A spunky eighty - year - old woman realizes that all of her accomplishments cannot compensate for having been left standing at the altar. On May 21, "The Greatest Man in the World" by James Thurber: Admiral Byrd and Lucky Lindy were great heroes ... but what would happen if the next aviator - hero turned out to be a thug. On May 28, "Paul's Case" by Willa Cather: Paul lives out a tragedy of youthful passion and foolishness when his sensitivity comes face to face with reality. The American Short Story Film Series is offered by the Kenosha Public Library with a grant from the Wisconsin Humanities Committee. The free programs are open to the general public and are geared to out - of - school adults. Copies of the short stories, on which the films are based, are available at the library. For more information call 656-6034. Meet a challenge fOve Wov Q AHA man nn/1 «« u. . i • , . r 8,000 men and women, both adults and students, will take part in a unique program called "Outward Bound" this year. Designed so that participants will meet challenging experiences in wilderness settings at all times of the year, Outward Bound courses take place in sixteen states and can go as far afield as Canada or Nepal. While many come to Outward Bound seeking a taste of high adventure — and they'll probably get it — most will leave with a new understanding of themselves after discovering they are capable of doing things they might previously have thought "impossible." Outward Bound believes many limits are self - imposed. Backpacking, mountaineering, canoeing, skiing, snowshoeing, sailing, cycling, rafting and caving form the core of the Outward Bound experience, depending on the environment in which the courses takes place. Previous outdoor skills are unnecessary, as is special equipment other than personal clothing and boots. Each small group of students has one or more expert instructors and specialists who help them develop outdoor and interpersonal skills, culminating in a "final expedition," with minimal instructor supervision, relying on what they have learned during the course. Academic credit is often available, as is financial aid based on need. In addition, several Outward Bound schools offer no - interest tuition loan plans, some for up to three years. Outward Bound courses are offered year - round and last from 5 to 26 days. For information, write Outward Bound, Inc., 384 Field Point Road, Greenwich, CT 06830, or call toll free 800-243-8520 (except in Connecticut). C&R AUTO SERVICE Quality Auto Work Done At Reasonable Rates 10% OFF FOR UW-P STUDENTS Call 553-9092or 694-3712 or see Chuck In Union at 12:00 Member Parkside 2 00 Mention this a d! (f y Joseph 4433 22nd Avenue Kenosha, Wisconsin Phone 654-0774 ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED RANGER Photo by Steve Myers Pllrem aaI N?« ENSE*? B#- LE' u 1? erthe dlrectlon of Scott Mather, performed in Main riace on Monday, May 4for people s noontime pleasure. Meeting held| A pilot "Access Program" which will begin next fall at Parkside to provide an opportunity for adults to complete junior and senior level work for a degree largely outside the classroom will be explained by a member of the program staff at a series of informational meetings at area public libraries. Angela Howard Zophy will be at the public meeting room of the Racine Public Library, 75-7th St., at 7:30 p. m. on May 12, at the Kenosha Public Library Southwest, 7979-38th Ave., at 7:30 p.m. on May 13 and at the Burlington Public Library, 310 N. Pine St., at 7:30 p. m. on May 19. The competency - based program is interdisciplinary, focusing on the humanities and social sciences, and leads to a bachelor of arts degree. It is intended for adults who already have completed the equivalent of the first two years of university work. Faculty planners for the program say potential students typically would be those who have been out of school for a long period of time and those with employment, family, or other factors such as health or distance from campus, which make it difficult to attend classes on a regular basis. Persons unable to attend one of the library sessions can obtain additional information from Zophy at the UW - Parkside Center for Teaching Excellence (Phone 553-2483). 552-8784 • T da^s a "Week .Sings ai\d delivers P.S....Perfect for Mother's Day! . I Like to Jog! But I Also STOP IN AND Enjoy Other PICK UP SOME Things In Lite NEW TOYS. Special Of The Week ADULT MUGS Adult Gift 9 2410 5 2nd St. Kenosha UW-Parkside Security QUESTIONNAIRE The UW-Parkside Security Department is going to implement a Crime Deterrence Program. We would like your help in determining in what areas we should aim our concern. Please fill out this questionnaire and return to the Library or Union Kiosk by May 15, 1981. If y ou have any further questions, please contact Officer Barsuli at 553-2455. 1. Do you feel our campus is safer than other campuses? Yes No 2. Is your fear of theft more concentrated in which parking lot: Union Comm/Arts Phy Ed Tailent 3. Are you fearful of thefts in the: Library Comm/Arts MOLN Greenquist Union Why? 4. What are your concerns while on campus: Theft of your belongings? Harm to your person? Other ?____ 5. Where on campus do you feel the lighting is inadequate? 6. Are you afraid while in the washrooms? Why? Yes No 7. Do you feel that the Security officers raider services courteously and indiscriminately? Yes No If no, why not? 8. Are there exact areas on campus (such as bushes or tall grass too close to the sidewalk) where you feel unsafe? Yes No If yes, where? 9. As a resident of Parkside Village or other apartment complex, would you attend a program on locks and apartment safety? Yes No 10. Would you attend a program on: Self Defense Rape U. What are some specific things you would like to see the Security officers do to make your campus safer? 6 Thursday, May 7,1981 RANGER m -fflmmm Ki9l m RANGER photo by Brian Passino Offer overseas grants 552-7070 County Hwy. "H" At Hwy. 11, Sturtovant, Wit. The Institute of International Education has announced that the official opening of the 1982-83 competition for grants for graduate study or research abroad in academic fields and for professional training in the creative and performing arts is scheduled for May 1, 1981. It is expected that approximately 516 awards to 50 countries will be available. The purpose of these grants is to increase mutual understanding between the people of the United States and other countries through the exchange of persons, knowledge and skills. They are provided under the terms of the CLASSIFIED ADS PERSONALS YEAl It's the end!! K.M. RECORD CLOSEOUT SALE: "Frlsbee Love," by W. Hung and the Prophylactics. SLIGHTLY USED .44 Magnum, 2 weeks old. Inquire at Security. PARKSIDE Isn't a University. It Isn't special. It's iust like a toenail: Ingrown. NEWS FLASH: IOP member found fondling in an intimate manner an IBM 340. Film at 11. HITLER YOUTH armbands. Cheap. Inquire at Security,. Ext. 2455. WILL the last person leaving Parkslde please turn out the lights? I'M IN LOVE and she doesn't even know it. Oh well . . . it's her loss. AND THEN, there was light ... F II @250th sec. YEA! It's the end 11 K.M. HELP) Why am I s till here???? The EX-EX Boss. BECAUSE you have yet to learn what you should. Smarten up. Ex-boss. GET TO WORK Ginger! Have fun ... ha ha ha. WELL KENNY, welcome to the crowd . .. Zimmer syndrome meeting Is next Friday. CONGRATULATIONS Student Activities Awards Winners, from Sue 8, Tim. ATTN. FORMER 4.0's: Suicide booklet. Cheap. Inquire at P.U. Mental Health Office. GOODBYE. Thank God. I'm gone. YE At It's the end! I K.M. TO "nose me is to love me. The Nose "Nose". BLUE FEET: Your ballet tutoo Is showing. 2nd Floor Ballerinas. LOOKING for a cure for Zimmer Syndrome — TRANSFER. ALONG with 5,000 Parkslde students. PEOPLE WHO write on napkins are IDIOTS!!!!! YEA! It's the end!! K.M. WE'LL NEVER TELL what happened at the awards banquet. WHO'D want to? U.W.-MILWAUKEE will vote U.W.-Parkside out of U.C.-Z.S.U. WHY NOT? UW-Eau Claire dropped out. Z.S.U. is soliciting OLD worn out members. YEAl It's the end!! K.M. UNCLE BOB: I love you! — Kim. WAY TO GO three-year guinea pigs. Signed, AMW. THE LAST WORDS from U.U.C.S. — We must reduce inventories Immediately (upcoming graduation). Must sell (or give away): Goggles, 67-202 computer programs, lab books, old notes, tests, burets, pipettes and various lab equipment, old strains of B. cereus and T. palldum, and cracked dessicators. See U.U.C.S. members for yours now 11 HALLUCINOGENS for sale. Inquire at Editor's office, Ranger, WLLC D139E. THE RAMBUNCTIOUS Ranger Rowdies have returned! SEE MOLDY or Pete Cramer for details for Ranger Rowdies. YEA! It's the end! K.M. Mutual Educational and Cultural Exchange Act of 1961 (F ulbright - Hays Act) and by foreign governments, universities and private donors. Applicants must be U.S. citizens at the time of application, who will generally hold a bachelor's degree or its equivalent before the beginning date of the grant and, in most cases, will be proficient in the language of the host country. Except for certain specific awards, candidates may not hold the Ph.D. at the time of application. Candidates for 1982-83 are ineligible for a grant to a country if they have been doing graduate work or conducting research in that country for six months or more during the academic year 1981-82. Creative and performing artists are not required to have a bachelor's degree, but they must have four years of professional study or equivalent experience. Social work applicants must have at least two years of professional experience after the Master of Social Work degree; candidates in medicine must have an M.D. at the time of application. Coming Events Thursday, May 7 w^i i AST SRMINAR at 8 a. m. in Union 207. Prof. Donald Vogel, of UW - Milwaukee, will talk on "Performance Evaluation, Productivity, Cut - Back Management . Reservations, please, at ext. 2518. by 8111(161118 at lp ' m in CA D118 - The program is free and open to the SEw°*? ECIT ^ L 1 bu y ^ , Roland at 8 p.m. in the Union Cinema. The program is iree ana open to the public. SEf^ I™."^ ing °c^ Eld®rly " startJaUp.^. in Molinaro Hall. Call ext. 2312 for reservations. Sponsored by UW - Extension. Saturday, May 9 toeS,S1FI J,fCRi E K NING What I Say" will be ahown at 3 p. m. m tirJitS U fol . lowf d by a wine and cheese reception. The film is in- !fim mSf? hearing impaired and proceeds will be used for captioning the ThAH^ ket® areava;ilalble at the Union Information Center and will be available at the door. Admission is $3.00 for Parkside students and $6.00 for others. SE "** AR"? n Surviving Divorce" at^m.ta Tallent Hall. Call ext. 2312 for more details. Sponsored by UW - Extension. CONFERENCE "Institute of Lifetime Learning" at 9 a. m. at the Siena Center of Racine. Call ext. 2312 for information. Sponsored by UW - Extension. Sunday, May 17 pSi™PhySiC" E<h,Ca"° nBuilang ' « Bayuzick wins third prize Parkside art professor Dennis Bayuzick has been awarded third prize for the acrylic airbrush painting "No Exit Escape" in the 1981 Galex XV National Art Competition at the Galesburg (111.) C ivic Art Center. The show was judged by Robert Midoaugh, a Chicago artist of national reputation. Application forms and further information for students currently enrolled at UW-Parkside may be obtained from the Fulbright Program Advisor Andrew McLean, in Comm. Arts 270. The deadline for filing applications on this campus is October 15, 1981. Bayuzick also recently exhibited in the Rockford International Print and Drawing Exhibit at Rockford College (111.) the Chicago Alternative Vicinity Show at the Paul Waggoner Gallery in Chicago and the Upstairs - Downstairs Gallery in Kenosha. He received his MFA degree in painting from the Ohio University School of Art in 1975 and joined the Parkside faculty in 1977. InHELPWANTED WANTED: Secretary tor P.S.G.A.I ,,,- terested? Contact Kathy Bambrough, ext. (553)-2244. UNITED COUNCIL of University Wisconsin Student Government is currently accepting applications for full-time staff members. Positions include legislative affairs director, academic affairs director, executive director, and executive secretary. For more Information contact Robert Kranz 414-424-3202. MISCELLANEOUS BEWILDER your opponents. Impress your friends. Leam expert BACKGAMMON from top-ranking Milwaukee professional All levels taught. Call Jim at 551-7404 for reasonable rates. HOW TO WIN at anything using astrology and numerology and how you can trace your family roots. These books now on sale for only $3.95 each or both $7. Send check, cash or money order to A.A. Wilson, 6412-5th Ave., Kenosha, Wl 53140. NATURAL Aloe Vera Products for skin health care. Mother's Day special. Ph. 654 5969, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. for demonstration or further information. Visit Kenosha's Largest Record Department —Records—Sheet Music— —Instruction Music— Lowest Price Always "The Place To Buy Records 626 56th St. K30006369C36363636363636368SX3£^^ 654 2932 Coupon y2 off on the second buffet Eat All You Want Buffet Lunch Buffet $4.35 Dinner Buffet $6.55 10% Discount with UW-PI.D. Villa Capri Shopping Center 2116-20th Place 551-7883 Baseball team readies for playoffs Parkside's men's baseball team readied itself for the upcoming conference playoffs with a doubleheader sweep of U niversity of Illinois - Chicago Circle on Monday. Senior pitcher Jamie Oberbruner won the opener to run his season record to 6-2 as the Ranger bats exploded to take an ll-i victory. The game was stopped after five innings as the teams were following the ten run rule. Anytime one of the teams attains a ten run lead the game is stopped. Sophomores Rich Salisbury and John Hyatt each homered in the first game. Parkside was almost the victim of the ten run rule in the second game as Circle got a 9-1 lead and had two men on. One good hit would have ended the game. Parkside fought back, and with the score 9-6, junior shortstop Kevin Bytnar hit a three-run homer to tie the game at nine. Sophomore Kelly O'Connell knocked in the winning run with a double to give the Rangers a 10-9 victory. Freshman Bob Czarny pitched the last three innings to get his first victory of the year. Parkside begins its second season this Friday as they host the Milwaukee School of E ngineering in the first round of Wisconsin Independent College Association playoffs. Coach Ken Oberbruner is looking forward to this second season. "I hope we're peaking at the right time. Our hitting is coming along right now." FIRST liauonai Bank of Kenosha DOWNTOWN MAIN OFFICE AUTO BANK 24 HOUR TELLER BRISTOL PLEASANT PRAIRIE SOMERS Phone 658-2331 MEMBER F.D.I.C. 50 copies printed on our finest quality paper with matching envelopes (while you wait) $7.55 5036-6th Avenue Kenosha, Wisconsin 654-1500 (on the harbor) RAY SHARP helps Parkside take the team championship, again dominating this year's collegiate walking competition. Heiring dominates walk TAKE YOUR CAMERA-READY RESUME TO THE COPY CENTER EXPORT ON TAP AT UNION SQUARE POSTAL INSTANT PRESS by Steve Brunner Hammered by winds of 18 m.p.h., ex - Parkside walker Jim Heiring cruised to first place in the United States Laguano Cup Trails held on inner loop road last Sunday. The native Kenoshan toured the 20 kilome ter course in 1 hour 30 minutes and 31 seconds. But he felt pressure most of the race from 1980 Olympian Dan O'Conner of Westminster, California. The duo led the 35 man field throughout the whole race. By the end of 10 kilometers it was apparent that Heiring and O'Conner would go one - two because of the 75 meter lead they had established. But as the race progressed, Heiring built up a 50 meter lead which was never relinquished. The small partisan crowd erupted into cheers as the hometown favorite finished with an overwhelming 200 meter lead. The rest of the four man U. S. team, which will compete in the world championships in Valencia, Spain next October, will comprise of th ird and fourth place finishers Marco Evoniuk of Longmont, Colorado and Todd Scully of Blacksburg, Virginia. Parkside's thoroughbred Ray Sharp finished in a distant seventh place. Sharp, disappointed in his race, bluntly said, "I have no excuses. It sucked." Mike DeWitt, who originally spurred on the event of walking while going to school at Parkside in the early seventies, produced one of h is finest performances by taking eighth, just two meters behind Sharp. Another ex - Parkside walker, Mike Rummelhart, finished a respectable 12th place. The combination of Rummelhart, DeWitt, and Sharp helped the Parkside team to a team championship trophy. As expected, the Parkside tradition of good walkers was shown. Four out of the top 12 places were captured by walkers associated with Parkside. Most of all the first place by Heiring. The tall, slender 25 year old hopes he can produce something out of t he ordinary this July as he competes against the ever - so - awesome Russian walkers in the United States versus the Soviet Union dual track meet in Moscow. Other walkers, including the participants in the 20K race last Sunday, will gather again in early June in the rainy city of Seattle in attempts to qualify for the U. S. team in the 50 kilometer race which will also compete in the Laguano Cup. RANGER Thursday, May 7,1981 >ONE FAST BUCKi BUCK to a Customer WILL GIVE THE BEARER ON DEMAND $1.00 TOWARD ANY RESUME PRINTING WHILE-YOU-WAIT KENOSHA SAVINGS &LOAN ASSOCIATION To make your future look much brighter. NATIONAL Race - Walking champion Jim Heiring displays winning form on Parkside's inner loop road. Ranger photos by Brian Passlno ttf Utellum Correspondence School Nothing that is contained in this issue of the Stranger is intended to be factual. All names, pictures, and references to real people are purposely coincidental. However, if you wish to take anything in this issue seriously that is your own damn problem and since we are printing this disclaimer you ugly people out there can't do a thing to us, you bunch of morons ranger Day 108 of Iranian Hostages' Freedom New kind of dual degrees to be given In an attempt to increase Parkside's enrollment, a new system of dual degrees given to two students will be available. If one student only wants the B. of a B.A. degree, he or she only has to find a student who wants an A. degree. If their combined school records enable eligibility, a B.A. will be given. "It's a new kind of part - time student," said one administrator who wished to remain anonymous just to sound more influential. "It will be yet another innovation Parkside will be famous for." The exact details have not yet been worked out, but the tentative plan will limit the ratio of c redits to 80-40. "There isn't any good reason for it," said Anonymous, "but requirements, especially ones involving numbers, ratios and things like that sound real intelligent." One problem is that the degree recipients are required to share each job opportunity that may come along. Either one may fill out the job application, but the other graduate has to take the personal interview, The working of the job is up for discussion. It has not yet been determined which degree will be given to which of the two students receiving degrees. "Logically, the A. degree should be the larger number of credits because it comes first in the alphabet, if I'm not mistaken. And it has a more appealing connotative meaning," said Anonymous. "But then again, when does logic ever come into our planning?" !siht daeR .rorrim a ot pu ti dloh t'nac uoy dnA. sdrawkcab t'nera yeht esuaceb siht daer t'nac elpoep enas, lamroN. krow seod taht niarb ruoy fo edis eht no ehcadaeh a uoy gnivig ro seye sdrawkcab diputs rouy gniniarts tuohtiw daer nac uoy gnihtemos ereht tuo elpoep dednahtfel uoy 11a evig ot sdrawkcab yrots siht gnitirw ma Stranger photo by Corrupt Danger sP aCe T H E PLEASANT PRAIRIE POWER PLANT (above) has been Ho/hE®? m3ke clouds, due to the mysterious disappearance of are st ITh tk Earth ' S ? tmosP here - Meteorologies as usual fn wIsconTin. P ° Wer P IS ° ne ° f 67 cloud " makin9 P |ants *>VS Parkside's latest poop scoop Dear Editor: Being one given to repeating mindless and totally unfounded gossip, I thought those out there in Parksideland would like to take notice of a few unusual things overheard in darkened corridors and through the Chancellor's keyhole: 1) Plans are currently underway to produce a third Ranger Bear for home games; hushed reports indicate the original two are working hard and expect results within 4 - 6 months. 2) Revisions are planned for the Cheerleader's new uniforms; possible changes: side slits to the navel and hopefully the armpit. Toilet paper trains and sun hats are also under consideration. 3) Security finalized the purchase of a slightly used Panzer ••••••••• Yea! It's The End! ••••••••• tank. Proposed uses: insolent parking offenders and speed traps. Armor, anyone? The real news is that Security officers burned out three clutches trying wheelies. 4) Plans for the sale of various controlled substances for increased revenue were scrapped by the Athletic Department. Seems they have enough trouble now with their beverage mixing at home games, and they feel that logistics and supply problems between here and Columbia would be like, shit man, bitchin' rad. Taking this acquisition of dirt and smut quite seriously, this reporter anywhere and with anyone would lie? lay? layed? have lain? Never could remember that one, having failed Remedial English. Tune in next time to this same hot channel. Robin Letters are influential To the Editor: Are you aware of how influential those three little words can be? ("To the editor" not "I love you" you silly romantics out there.) Remember when you printed that letter to the editor complaining about the "dirty" magazines being displayed in front of t he bookstore's windows? Yes, I'm sure you remember it. Well, within two hours after the Ranger with that letter came out, the chicken bookstore moved the magazines. What clout! If that clout works for some people, I figure I might as well give it a try. Here goes ... I think Stranger photo by Disrupt Danger EVER SINCE Parkside started offering a major in Egyptian culture, some strange students have been spotted. Above is a pyramid trying to enter the L-l doorway of the library in order to study. the bookstore should move their textbook prices, too — into a realm of reasonableness. And how about lowering tuition and abolishing the Collegiate Skills and Breadth of Knowledge requirements? Boy! I can't wait for this letter to be published and have these things corrected. Thanks much. Volunteers are suckers To the editor: Could you please tell me what the hell your newspaper is supposed to be for? You don't write about anything interesting that I can't find anywhere else. You people (staff members) have an obligation (because you volunteered your time and effort) to work your asses off, thus carrying either one or three credits per semester and work on the paper. You have to, because you volunteered. Are you suckers!! It's okay if you just sit on your lazy asses (like me and my friends do) and complain about things and don't do anything about anything. That's what we're here for. And YOU'RE here, because you volunteered your time by joining a student organization, to work for EVERY student here. Yes, including us lazy people. You students actively participating in activities and the such are to be held responsible, and therefore to blame. Signed, Nobody important (and never will be) OUTSIDE ... • Grass • Trees ... - they pollute • Parking in Pets Class Evaluation by Second Floor Library Group Which of the following best describes this course for you? 1) Major requirement 2) Major elective 3) Major mistake 4) Minor mistake 5) None of the above Which of the following best describes your reason for taking this course? 1) It lets me keep my Social Security benefits. 2) I'm in love with my professor. 3) It was the only class I could take at this certain time. 4) It's an easy class. 5) My mother told me to. What grade do you expect to get in this course? 1) A 2) You've got to be kidding! 3) B 4) Don't ask! 5) That's classified information. What is your overall grade point average? 1) Doesn't register on scale. 2) What's a grade point average? 3) 4.0 4) 0.0 (At least I'm consistent.) 5) refer to #3 in the next question What is your class level? 1) Punky freshman 2) Snotty sophomore 3) Jerky junior 4) S uperior senior 5) Eight year wonder Are you employed any hours outside school? 1) What's employed mean? 2) 40 h ours/week 3) Does doing housework count? 4) What's outside school mean? 5) I burn textbooks for a price. How many credits are you registered for this semester? 1) 21 (Pre-med) 2) 19 (Professional student) 3) 9 (Graduating senior just putting in time) 4) 3 (Dropped eight classes since first week.) 5) Where do you register? Silly questions There are some questions that I would like answered. They may seem like silly questions to you, but to me they are very important to the meaning of life, as I see it. I figured that a newspaper would know the answers to these questions, or if you didn't, there will be some all-knowing person out in the university that can help me. Why do they call those stupid things in which different clubs sell cookies and what have you bake sales? I was taught that bake was a verb. What does a bake look like and what are they going for now-adays? Can I get them in all of the popular decorator colors? Why do some people tell you when you ask them what time it is that it is five minutes of ten, if that is what time it is? What does this mean? I am totally confused by the whole concept. It isn't five minutes OF ten, it's five minutes TO ten. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Parkside Ranger, Volume 9, issue 29, May 7, 1981 Description An account of the resource Student newspaper of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, Kenosha, Wis. Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1981-05-07 Subject The topic of the resource College student newspapers and periodicals Student publications University of Wisconsin-Parkside--Newspapers Format The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource Newspaper Language A language of the resource English Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Kenosha, Wisconsin Type The nature or genre of the resource Text Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available University of Wisconsin-Parkside Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource The Board of Regents of the University Wisconsin System parkside activities board (PAB) ranger news student organization council (SOC)